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Parenting

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Original poster

Have you put any of your friends off having children (inspired by Bea's thread about arguments)

67 replies

legalalien · 02/08/2007 15:52

A couple that we know has recently announced their decision not to have children, based on their observations of friends who do have children - they've considered it at length and decided that neither of them is prepared to put their careers at risk / on hold, that they like their life as it is, and that they're not prepared to undergo the lifestyle changes that they've seen us (and other friends) undergo.

Some other close friends of ours are now reaching the same point - they've seen how much having a child impacts on your lifestyle, in terms of flexibility to do what you want, when you want (I hasten to add that we haven't been moaning to them about parenthood - just that they've been observing keenly).

Anyone else have a similar story?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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LucyJones · 02/08/2007 17:07

oh yes Doodledootoo, there is nothing more irritating than a childless person giving you advice on raising kids....

When I was pregnant with no.2 a childless friend kept telling me I was in for a big shock because ds was a very good sleeper and I had been very lucky etc etc
Dd as proven to be a good sleeper too (thank the Lord) and said friend now says 'oh well maybe you do know what you're doing after all' What the feck does she know about sleeping babies?

Original poster

legalalien · 02/08/2007 17:08

Ddt - yes, I wish I had had a big sign saying "people living yuppie lifestyles with no children and no experience of children are NOT ALLOWED TO COMMENT. This includes comments on how the only-other-child-that-you-have-ever-spent-more-than-ten-minutes-with is treated/behaves". I might still get one.

OP posts:

aloha · 02/08/2007 17:09

I have a childless friend who is always telling me about 'this frightfully badly behaved child in a cafe I went into recently'. Makes her sound about 85.

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blueshoes · 02/08/2007 17:12

I think childless couples lead fabulous lives ... whilst they still have their youth and health.

What they don't realise is that the grafting is only for a short period (most intense for below-5s), then I will have 2 grown-up individuals, for whom my heart bursts with pride, that I remember as leetle babies at my breast, their first day at school, their graduation (blueshoes hopes anyway) ...

And statistically, I will outlive my dh. My world will end then. But to have a bit of him carry on in my dcs, it's primal. Circle of life and all that. And if I go first, I have the comfort of them being there for him.

And family is community. Especially in old age, when nobody is particularly interested in you anymore. To then have a second lease of life as grandparents is a huge privilege and pleasure.

LittleSarah · 02/08/2007 17:14

Yeah, children are for life, that's what I like.

Doodledootoo · 02/08/2007 17:16

Message withdrawn

blueshoes · 02/08/2007 17:36

doodle. Once in a long while, I hit the right note.

rookiemum · 02/08/2007 21:24

Well said blueshoes. Being a mother is a tad harder than I thought it might be but I can't wait to be a grandmother, only hope I'm young enough to enjoy it propery.

Original poster

legalalien · 02/08/2007 21:37

I particularly liked the bit about grafting being only for a short period. I feel quite hopeful now.

It definitely IS getting easier.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 02/08/2007 21:38

Having kids is no guarantee they'll be around in your old age.

Sorry, but as someone who lives 5,000 miles away from my parents, that's how it is these days - people emigrate to Australia, marry someone who hates you, etc.

Your kids may chose not to have kids/may not be able to have kids.

Original poster

legalalien · 02/08/2007 21:46

and people emigrate from Australia as well, surprising as that may be

OP posts:

twinsetandpearls · 02/08/2007 23:38

I admire people who don't want children and then stick to their guns as it is so easy to get swept away by people expectations of your life.

I never wanted children and let other people convince me that I was some sort of freak for feeling that way. It therefore came as not surprise to discover that I became a crap mother and for that reason I will not have any more children despite people telling me what is best.

yelnats · 02/08/2007 23:55

My babies tend to make htose around me very broody - then they all end up with kids about 14 months younger somehow.

pointydog · 02/08/2007 23:57

There are many positives to not hving children and I always feel that if someone has decided not to have children, they have made a sound choice and are to be respected for that.

And some of the people who can't have children would perhaps see the alternative positive and fulfilling aspects to their lives more clearly if 'The Wonders of Motherhodd' weren't being portrayed so often and so aggresively.

oops · 03/08/2007 00:15

Message withdrawn

3andnomore · 03/08/2007 00:26

wouldn't know if we had...however, wouldn't surprise me if my Kids would put anyone off children...goodness...my ys would have put me off further children had he been first...lol..I do love him really ...but honest...one only needs one of him...

expatinscotland · 03/08/2007 08:19

I think if I were childfree by choice and someone felt sorry for me or that something was missing or that I had an empty life I'd find that very hurtful if I found out.

Having kids is NOT for everyone.

And I haven't met a childfree by choice person who has any regrets about their decision regarding that part of their lives.

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