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Parenting

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Original poster

If your child has a birthmark does EVERYONE bloody comment on it?

31 replies

Esto · 30/07/2019 16:15

My DD has a strawberry birthmark on her face, high up on her forehead. She's had it since she was about 2 weeks old and every bloody day (it feels like) since then someone or multiple people have commented on it. WHY?!

I don't really mind to an extent, I suppose it's just like commenting on a hair colour or something but it's just unnecessary. They often either ask if it's an injury or a birthmark or say something like 'oh don't worry it might go away'

I don't know why it annoys me, I'm not the type to get annoyed at people's small talk generally (oh your bump is small/massive/high/low etc etc never really bothered me)...

Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:

SolitudeAtAltitude · 30/07/2019 16:19

yes, my DS has a really big one on his neck, it looks like a big splash of paint

he gets lots of comments, people asking what it is. He's a nice kid, nice looking, yet everyone picks on this "imperfection", when he was tiny I could tell him it's where an angel kissed him (soppy ), at 14 he just has to accept it as one of those things.

I am kindly reminded, on a daily basis, by random people that I am really very tall, which I guess is a similar thing.

It's just how people are. And it never stops, so best to get used to it...

Original poster

Esto · 30/07/2019 16:21

Oh I like the angel kiss line

OP posts:

Onesailwait · 30/07/2019 16:31

Yes DS2 has a port wine stain on the left side of his face. People ask about it all the time. He just tells them that's the way his face was made simple!.

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itbemay · 30/07/2019 16:32

yup its really annoying, DS had a birthmark removed from his face age one, so has a long scar on his cheek, and not a week goes by without someone asking what happened.... hes a teenager now and just tells the truth but it really boils my pi*s!

mummywingingit · 30/07/2019 16:34

My baby has a very large one on his shin and small one on head, both strawberry.
With the nice weather, he has had legs out. People point, and ask me 'what is that' I've been asked if it's a large burn on more than one occasion!!

I get annoyed at the 'what is that' or the assumption I would let my baby have a nasty burn and leave uncovered and untreated!

I then get the 'will it go' yes it should, or at least fade (which it is) but....if it doesn't go, it's not the end of the world now is it!

I want to bring him up confident, and comfortable in his own skin...my husband has vitiligo a d he is so confident, that it makes you barely notice he has a skin condition...I want my boy to be the same if we can help it...

P.S LOVE the angel kiss

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 30/07/2019 16:48

Yep, all the bloody time. Understandable from curious kids; utterly unacceptable from adults who should know better.

I've always told DD it's an angel's kiss, too, hoping to make her less self-conscious, but a couple of years ago she asked to have a fringe cut (hers is also on her forehead) and has kept her hair like that ever since. It's a shame she feels she has to cover it (it's rather pretty, almost heart-shaped, and placed like a natural bhindi) but she says she just got "bored" of people commenting on it.

AliMonkey · 30/07/2019 16:50

DD14 has large strawberry mark on most of one shoulder and upper arm. Has gradually become less raised but still very obvious. Had few comments from adults over the years, lots from children but only curiosity rather than being mean. She has always been very matter of fact that it just is what it is, I think because we were. Answered questions honestly but with no hint of it being something to worry about. In fact I always thought there would come a time when she would become self conscious about it but despite being at the age where she is getting quite conscious of her looks, she often chooses to wear off shoulder and cold shoulder type tops.

So just answer any questions factually and move on. If you get upset about it then that’s likely to be passed into your DD.

Solonelywastheballard · 30/07/2019 16:58

Dd's got one on her face, I think it's beautiful.

People constantly point out my daughter has a rash on her face. No not a rash that's her face.

JennaOfEluria · 30/07/2019 17:04

My youngest (6) has one on her leg...if people are forward enough to ask about it she informs them it's her warrior mark and you have to be amazing to have one!

Her idea, not ours although wish I had thought of it to take the credit

Sparklfairy · 30/07/2019 17:05

I have a friend who has a huge one, I won't describe it too much as it's outing. I never mentioned it and worked it out myself (obviously), but one day early on in our friendship I said, 'Can I ask you something?' and straight away he said, 'It's a birthmark.' That wasn't even what I was going to ask him about, but it was so ingrained that people would ask him and draw attention to it that he constantly seems on edge ready for questions. It's awful really that people have such a lack of self awareness that they feel the need to comment. However, I suspect that it was character building enough through his childhood that he is now a really confident, tell it like it is person, and nothing and no one phases him!

AmericanLemonade · 30/07/2019 17:10

DD has a birthmark on each eyelid but they have got paler the older she has got and only noticeable if she’s ill now- no one commented on them that I can recall. She did have bad eczema on her face when she was younger and that got mentioned a lot, one of her friends older brothers asked me if she’d been in a car accident...

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/07/2019 17:11

mummy

Completely agree.

DD1 has a strawberry mark on the base of her neck and one on her forehead between her eyebrows. The forehead one has largely faded and her hair now covers the one on her neck, but when she was a baby I repeatedly got asked by strangers about her 'rash' and 'burn'. 'Did you know your baby's injured herself?' etc. Even our GP called it a 'rash'.

I constantly got told just to be grateful people were 'willing to speak out' if they thought a child was being injured, but I still think people should just use some common sense. Strawberry marks aren't that uncommon and like you, I found it pretty insulting that people would assume I'd burnt my newborn baby and was then carrying on without seeking medical help.

Knitwit99 · 30/07/2019 17:15

Not a birthmark but a scar, everyone comments. What pissed me off is when they say something that suggests they're doing me a favour by telling me then suggesting ways to fix it, as if I have looked at his face every day for years and never noticed before. But now you've pointed it out I'll get it sorted out straight away. Thanks so much. F* off.

(Sorry, that touched a nerve)

PopCorney · 30/07/2019 17:40

Not a birthmark but I have a really wonky nose and in certain lights it looks bruised. So I get “oooooo gosh what’s happened to your nose”

So I just fix them with the stare and say “nothing? why what’s wrong with it?”

NoNeedToArgue · 30/07/2019 18:06

My baby has a pretty large rectangle shaped dark brown birthmark on her neck but nobody has ever mentioned it to me, much less asked questions! I suppose I just assumed that's because it's so obvious what it is. I am surprised by all the PPs being asked about their children's!

Knitwit99 · 30/07/2019 20:49

I am surprised by all the PPs being asked about their children's

Honestly, we get asked all the time. You're maybe right though, his is a burn scar but it looks like a red birthmark, or it could be a patch of eczema, or a scar, it could from a distance look like him having fallen asleep with his face pressed against the clip on his pushchair strap or something. I guess people maybe ask because they don't know. I don't mind people asking, I hope ds doesn't mind when he can speak for himself. It's the "oh have you noticed that red mark on his face? Have you tried aloe vera? Have you tried e45? You should really take him to the doctor." That's what annoys me. Yes I've noticed it, yes I would fix it if I could, now piss off.

CocoLoco87 · 30/07/2019 21:05

There was a a baby born in the family a few years ago with a strawberry on their head. People didn't ask the parents about it, instead they asked me "what's wrong with their baby? / is there something wrong with their baby? / what on earth is that on the baby?" They felt rude to ask the parents so i ended up feeling annoyed instead!

tmh88 · 30/07/2019 21:12

Yes all the time! ds has a strawberry mark in the centre of his brows!! I get comments all the time asking if he’s fallen, “Will it fade?”, “will be gone when he starts school don’t worry..” I’m not worrying love.. clearly you the stranger in Asda are though! Infuriates me!

Falafel19 · 30/07/2019 21:33

I never ever mention it if a baby/child has a visible birthmark, specifically because 9 assume they get commented on all the time.

Falafel19 · 30/07/2019 21:34

I assume, not 9

Flev · 30/07/2019 21:43

Yes, my 9 month old has a raised strawberry birthmark in the middle of her forehead and another smaller one by her eye - and we get comments all the time which drives me nuts. My concern is when she's old enough to understand the comments and making sure we've done enough to bolster her self-esteem and self-confidence so they don't affect her.

I don't so much mind the questions from children - they tend to be more like "gas she hurt her head?" and they're quite happy when I tell them it's just a mark and doesn't hurt her. It's the random strangers on the team and in shops whose opening gambit is "what's wrong with her?" that really drive me nuts. I have been known to reply "nothing:s wrong with her, what's wrong with your manners?" on occasion when I've been seriously fed up with their tone!

Original poster

Esto · 31/07/2019 07:01

I'm obviously not alone in this!

I don't mind children asking at all. A lot of them automatically try to touch it though which I do step in to stop.

I don't even mind the 'oh my daughter had one of them until she was 7 blah blah'. It's the 'whats wrong with her head?'

Eh, nothing. Unless you count being the most beautiful head on the face of the earth as being 'something wrong'

OP posts:

OneHanded · 01/08/2019 03:39

If it helps my mum got called into primary school when I was in year one having accidentally ran into another kid and we collided foreheads... the concerning caterpillar shaped red mark in the middle the height of my forehead? The birthmark they’d been seeing for the entirety of the year and a bit I’d been there...

Lofari · 01/08/2019 03:44

My son has one on his earlobe
It genuinely looks like a piercing. I got some comments when he was a baby. But now hes a teenager apparently people think its cool

Brain06626 · 01/08/2019 03:48

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