Talk me through your bedtime routine

[NEtoN10]

Not sure whether to post here or in sleep, sorry it's a long one!!

DS is 6 months old. He is an absolute delight each day, smiley, happy.... But getting him to sleep is just awful 90% of the time.

He has always been a night owl. Late to sleep, late to rise. He has just started on solids but is still mostly breastfed.

If I explain our normal day please help me... But be kind! I'm a first time mum!!

During the day: he wakes 8am, feed and play untill 10am - 45 min sleep.

From 11 - 2 ish - play, pram walks, groups, breastfeeds.

2/3 nap for about an hour

3pm onwards more play.

5pm tea followed by more play.

6.30pm - bath, into bedroom changed for bed, room is as dark as we can, his red night light. Big breastfeed. Put him down. Leave the room. Often he goes to sleep here no problem.

8pm - he wakes. Wide awake. Wants to play and chat. I don't talk to him or smile or anything. Keep it dark. I try another feed and put him down again. He usually starts to cry when I leave the room. So I lie next to him. Not talking or rocking him.

This can go on until 10.30pm when he properly goes to sleep.

In the night he wakes 1am and 4am for a feed.

Am I doing something very wrong?

As if he knew. He is now awake and singing to me 🙄

He's still very little. When did you move him out of your room?

Sorry, I didn't phrase that well. I meant he is still young to be sleeping through and wondered if you have recently moved him into his own room

Oh sorry no he is in our room. He has a bedside cot

Could you try getting him up earlier in the morning. Maybe a bit each day. And seeing if this encourages him to go to bed earlier?

I should say...the wake ups through the night are fine. It's the not going to sleep properly till after 10pm I want to fix

I think we had this with DS although it was after we had moved him. Could it be that you're disturbing him if he's in your room? We definitely got to that point!

Can you try to extend his naps? He's having 2 quite short naps and so is slotting a 3rd in late in the day. Maybe wake him up at 7, and, during his naps when you think he is ready to wake, be ready to try and resettle him for longer?

That way he gets more daytime sleep, so he goes down for "bedtime" properly. Saying that, at 6 months both of mine were waking before I'd got to bed, but went back to sleep after a quick feed.

He properly goes to sleep at 10.30, so why on earth are you putting him to bed at 6.30

I’d get him up earlier too and bring the naps forward a big. I’m sure I read they’re up 2 hours then need a sleep. That knowledge that he needed a nap after 2 hours and I could then flop back to sleep kept me going with my son. Also put bath time back a bit gradually until you meet in the middle between 6.30 and 10 and eventually you’ll get there.

Hmmmm I think maybe he isn't ready for bed at 6:30. I'd probably try and keep him up until about 8 then put him to bed for the night?

Mind you, I'm probably not the best for advice as my DS was still up 3 times a night until he turned 1 even though we had a set routine. Then one night, he just slept.

He properly goes to sleep at 10.30, so why on earth are you putting him to bed at 6.30

Well two reasons... One he is knackered and falls straight to sleep but as suggested by OP I think this is a 3rd nap. And secondly... I'm really trying (unsuccessfully) to bring his bedtime forwards.

So should I wake him up at 7am if he is asleep? I'm not sure how to extend his afternoon nap.

Ahh I feel like such a good mum in other areas but such a failure at sleep! 🥴

Wake baby up no later than 7. Then during day naps were fairly ad hoc - baby slept or didn’t. But if napping in afternoon no later than 3 / I’d wake him if still asleep.
Then about 5.30-6 supper, then up for bath, read a story have a bottle (daughter at this stage had breast up until a year but son a bottle), then down while still awake about 7.30-8 at this point, lights out and me gone. I think I may have still woken them for sleepy feed when I went to bed at 11-12 but can’t really remember. They pretty much were sleeping through at 6 months, occasionally woke at 3-4am but tried to just gently pat them back to sleep. Then woke them at 7...

I'd say he needs more daytime sleep.
At 6 months we had something like this :
8am wake
10am nap till 12
2pm nap till 3
4.30 nap till 5
Bed at 7pm
The timings of the naps don't matter so much as the wake time between and how many hours total in the day.

You aren't doing anything "wrong" OP. There is no right or wrong we are all just muddling through and trying our best! Don't beat yourself up.

Do you think he will really struggle if you suddenly get him up at 7? If so maybe do it 15 mins earlier each day. Then down for nap at 9ish. Try for second nap about 3 hours after last nap finished if not before. And hopefully that will leave enough time before bedtime that he will stay asleep but it might take a while. In terms of extending second nap, my boy was a bloody nightmare for short naps to be honest up until he was about 7 months. Then he started taking longer naps. You can try going in and rubbing/patting his back but to be honest if he is awake there isn't much you can do!! Some babies just don't nap loads. It might take a while to get into a routine. Don't worry too much x

OK. Thanks everyone! I'll try an earlier start tomorrow. Going to be hard for me 😂

I'd agree with PP that he probably needs to be up earlier - we've long had a 7pm bedtime but my DS gets up between 6-7am every day. Maybe if you start getting him up earlier that might help or run your day an hour later so you're aiming for an 8pm bedtime instead.

I would aim to put him down at 8pm. I see you keep him up so that you can do groups etc. Mine did that early morning so went down after lunch for a sleep. It is not easy at this age, be patient.

Don’t be so hard on yourself! You are absolutely not messing up his sleep. Babies are all different. I think we can kid ourselves into thinking we’re much more in control of their sleep habits than we actually are.

Your little one is very small still. My youngest is 5months old and I haven’t even started trying to get him into a proper sleep routine yet.

I have two older ones which slightly dictates our routine, but his natural sleep habits are -

7pm wake up when the big ones come bouncing in
8.30ish short nap on the school run
Play time, feeds etc
Mid morning/ early afternoon - longer nap
More awake time
3.30/ 4ish another short nap
7ish he’ll join in with bath/ story with the older ones, sometimes dozing in the sling during it
He’ll then doze downstairs in his pram or on me until I go to bed at 10ish. Then down for the night.

I think he’s treating the 6.30 as a third nap.
I wouldn’t think you would have to wake him earlier in the morning but definitely readjust naps as not much day time sleep.

Maybe bring all naps forward by 30 mins and have the 6pm one done by 6.30 and then bed at 9pm.
In a few weeks / months the third nap will drop and he will be ready for bed by 7pm.

By comparison my first would wake at

7am
Nap- 9am-9.30am

Nap- 12pm-1pm

Nap - 3.30pm-4.30pm

Bed 8pm and slept through

Second baby

7am wake

Nap - 9am-9.30

Nap 11.30-12pm

Nap - 2pm- 2.30pm

Nap- 5pm-5.30pm

Bed 8pm - still woke for a bottle

It will all change again soon so don’t worry to much about it !

Thanks everyone this has been very comforting.

Woman at a group last week was moaning that her 6 month old woke on holiday at 1am as she usually sleeps 7pm - 7am every day 🙄- -made me feel I've made a mess of his sleep. My partner has what I would call a chronic sleep condition. He sleeps about 4/5 hours a night and it's all over the place so I'm determined DS won't take after him.

He is still wide awake here so he will be shattered in the morning.

There's no right or wrong with sleep. Some kids sleep and other kids don't sleep. Ignore anyone who dictates at you - just keep a calm routine and eventually he will crack it.
I am the worst parent in the world by MN standards as both my kids were out my room and in their own room by 11 weeks, this made a big difference as we didn't disturb them.

Definitely think the key here is to work on his day time naps. I would say you don't necessarily have to wake him up earlier if he and you are happy him waking up at 8am! Just work on a 12 hour day. So if he gets up at 8am try and aim for an 8pm bedtime.

That’s not a night owl. My daughter slept midnight till noon from 6 months until till she was about 2 and a half.