Talk me through your bedtime routine

[NEtoN10]

Not sure whether to post here or in sleep, sorry it's a long one!!

DS is 6 months old. He is an absolute delight each day, smiley, happy.... But getting him to sleep is just awful 90% of the time.

He has always been a night owl. Late to sleep, late to rise. He has just started on solids but is still mostly breastfed.

If I explain our normal day please help me... But be kind! I'm a first time mum!!

During the day: he wakes 8am, feed and play untill 10am - 45 min sleep.

From 11 - 2 ish - play, pram walks, groups, breastfeeds.

2/3 nap for about an hour

3pm onwards more play.

5pm tea followed by more play.

6.30pm - bath, into bedroom changed for bed, room is as dark as we can, his red night light. Big breastfeed. Put him down. Leave the room. Often he goes to sleep here no problem.

8pm - he wakes. Wide awake. Wants to play and chat. I don't talk to him or smile or anything. Keep it dark. I try another feed and put him down again. He usually starts to cry when I leave the room. So I lie next to him. Not talking or rocking him.

This can go on until 10.30pm when he properly goes to sleep.

In the night he wakes 1am and 4am for a feed.

Am I doing something very wrong?

I would say you don't necessarily have to wake him up earlier if he and you are happy him waking up at 8am! Just work on a 12 hour day. So if he gets up at 8am try and aim for an 8pm bedtime.

This. The British obsession with 7-7 sleep is quite bizarre.

DD is coming up for 6 months. Our routine is roughly:

6-7 a.m: Wake up
8.30-9am: Nap for 45 mins to an hour
12-2: Nap
4ish: Usually a 15-min boob snooze
5 - 5.30ish: Last feed
6:15: Bedtime routine starts. Bath, massage, into sleep sack, story, sing twinkle twinkle, white noise on and into cot. Asleep generally by about 6:50

She sometimes has trouble linking her first sleep cycle so we can get a wake-up exactly (it's freaky how precise this is) 45 mins after she goes to sleep that requires resettling. I don't feed her to settle if she wakes up not long after a feed. We used to feed to sleep but I found it a pain so we worked at disassociating milk from nighttime sleep, which has worked really well for us, but it's not for everyone. Breaking the feed to sleep link made a massive difference to bedtimes in our house for the better. She has one milk feed which can be anywhere from 2-5 a.m.

I agree that his naps and daytime timings probably are the culprit. My DD generally starts to get tired (eye rubbing etc) after being awake for two hours. After three she's a grizzlebug and really much harder to settle.

I should add that DD put herself into that routine, at least in terms of time for bed. She naturally gets tired for the night at about 6ish (and that works for me as I prefer to have free time in evenings!).

Ours is all over the place still and we are at 9 months. I tell myself it doesn’t really matter as she doesn’t have to get up for anything eg school, so she can just nap when she likes. The best advice I was given is: any hard bits are just a phase.
It can be hard in the phases tho, leaning into the chaos a baby brings. The need to control something is strong. But the good news is there are no rules. And really what suits you is what you go with (what I’m learning).
I know the lying in bed for hours thing only too well, I do/did that most nights since 7 months. OH takes her for a quick stroll round the block which gets her to sleep but since 7 months she wakes back up when he puts her down, so I’ve been in bed boobing her or just lying with her while she drops off. She’s slowly staying asleep for longer tho, and more recently I’m able to get out of bed and go back downstairs. (It feels like things go on forever or are relentless then before you know it its changed and it’s all but a distant memory).
You sound like a wonderful mum, and have one lucky baba.
And 8am wake ups sound heavenly, I’d keep that in if I had that option 😊.

If you are feeding to sleep on the evening that may be the issue, try the baby sleep guide book. Really straight forward and worked great saved my sanity for me within days !

Personally I wouldn’t be waking him up in the morning. I have never woken my son up apart from the last few weeks (he’s now turning 3) as he tries to have 2 hours in the afternoon then doesn’t sleep till 10pm.... anyway... I would maybe just see if you can push the afternoon back till 3/3.30ish and then push bedtime back to 8. My little one used to be up at 7.30/8 then always ready for a nap at 9/9.30, then would sleep for an hour or 2, then again about 3/3.30 then bedtime would be 7.30/8 and he’d sleep through again till the next morning.
Everyone’s just winging it, your doing your best and that’s all that counts :) stay strong OP!!