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Original poster

Being a mum after losing mine

63 replies

Blossombelle1991 · 19/07/2019 22:33

Is there anyone out there who knows how I feel as I feel so alone in this. I am 28 years old and lost my mum not long after my baby was born. I do absolutely everything for my dc but I feel lost myself as I've put my all in to being a mum when at times I just need a cuddle from mine and just want to be a child again. Would be nice to hear I'm not alone in this. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossombelle1991 · 21/07/2019 23:29

I find it harder her dying after as I saw how besotted she was for it then to be whipped away to see her so excitement just made me so happy just loved her to peices she was my everything. My MIL wants to be part of her life but no where near as much as my mum did and I've felt she's given no sympathy to be honest and it's hard as it's my partners mum i can't explain it to him. I've had to take on a bigger role also getting family members birthday presents etc for my dad and it's hard I'm a new mum plus doing the stuff my mum did cleaning my dad's house making sure he is having good meals to freeze.. I love my sister to bits she is amazing but she isn't the type to keep on top of things and my brother also so have had to step up x

OP posts:
Bourbonbiccy · 22/07/2019 08:22

I find It so difficult that we lost mum so unexpectedly quickly, as I know there would have been so much she would have liked to have said and done. She would have been one of them people that buys 20 cards and pre writes them for my sons birthday, Christmas, engagement, wedding with a message on each one.
She would have written a little letter to myself and my brother, but we simply didn't get the chance.

Nearly every night still, I lie in bed crying for what could have been, people say it gets easier but at the run up to each birthday for me, my son or Christmas is just so hard .

broken1982 · 22/07/2019 10:05

In the few weeks my mam has no longer been here, I've had my husbands birthday, then my mams then mine and all have been so difficult. I'm dreading Xmas but I'll have to just suck it up and be brave for my two little ones.
I'm sending all the love in the world to all of you ❤️

Pgjp129 · 22/07/2019 10:12

I lost my mum in 2005 when I was 20, she had already had 6 grandchildren from my sisters, now there are 2 more and I also feel so sad that I cant ring her and say "dd did this today". I have a friends mum who I'm close to but it's not the same. Big hugs to everyone who needs it x

PetrichorRain · 22/07/2019 10:15

I lost my mum 4 years before DS was born and my brother the year before. It is very hard, especially when you see friend with their mums and their babies together. I'm lucky in that I have a good relationship with my MIL, who is lovely, and good relationships with several aunties, though they don't live nearby. Is there anyone else in your family who can act as an honorary grandma? Or offer motherly support to you? It's not the same, but it helps.

SciFiScream · 22/07/2019 11:29

My Mum died when I was 8. Having children helped me, gave me a reason to celebrate Mothering Sunday again, connected me with my Mum somehow, my love for my children makes me realise how much love she felt for her children. That's all I have and it's enough because it has to be.

NannyPear · 22/07/2019 22:43

I think losing your mum is a very unique loss in that, despite a PPs comments, it's actually very hard to not think negatively all the time about it.

That sounds odd, as it's obviously a negative thing. But what I mean is, I can't focus on the fact I had her for 24 years, because the pain of not having her for the 30-40 years after this is too strong.

And my DS loves my MIL, and she's wonderful with him, but that pains me because I feel so bad that my mum couldn't have had that same relationship with him. Yet, I'd also be upset if MIL was a shit gran because then my DCs would be missing out on a good gran.

Ultimately, it's shit. Everything about it is shit.

NannyPear · 22/07/2019 22:45

you will be a fantastic mum, because you've learned from the best

Really needed to hear this. Thank you.

SleepsleepsleepImissyou · 24/07/2019 12:47

My mum died suddenly & unexpectedly 14 years ago, when I was 20. I had my first (and only!) child last year age 33.

Every day that goes by I think about her. Not only her grandchild but also the events in mine and my brother's lives. DP's mum is lovely, but she's not mine. My mum wanted grandchildren so badly and she never got to see my daughter or my nephew.

It sucks! It really does :(

SleepsleepsleepImissyou · 24/07/2019 12:47

should have put "I think about what she has missed... not only her grandchildren but also the events in mine and my brothers lives

marcopront · 24/07/2019 12:59

My mum stopped living when my eldest niece was a few months old and died three years later (she was in a coma). I hate that my niece's only memory of her is lying in a hospital bed. She would have been the best grandma.
My daughter was born just before the 10th anniversary of her death and is named after her.
I believe my Mum is in heaven watching over her grandchildren but I miss being able to ask her for advice and always find Mother's Day really hard.

Singleandproud · 24/07/2019 15:40

My mums mum died very suddenly when she was just 13, so she grew up largely without one. I know she found / finds Mothering Sunday and her mums birthday really difficult. It was always quite a stressful day which as a child (before I understood) ruined the day for me and mum as I wanted her to be happy, when obviously, I realise now she was upset. It would have been better maybe to have ‘our’ Mother’s Day on a separate day to celebrate her, whilst she remember her mum on the traditional day.

She does talk about her a lot, I think possibly a lot more now, especially to my DD (10years old) which keeps her part of the family. Unfortunately she only has one photo of her and that is up in the hallway.

My mum and I are really close and I try to include her in things that I know she missed out on and couldn’t do with her own mum.

Tigger001 · 24/07/2019 16:57

My mum and I are really close and I try to include her in things that I know she missed out on and couldn’t do with her own mum.

That is such a beautiful thing, I'm sure she really appreciates it.

Yep, it certainly does suck.

We try to be so strong for everybody else but some days I just feel like shouting "what about me" just because I'm strong and a year has passed doesn't mean I'm over it !!!!

And you get some who don't even mention my mum now as they probably feel awkward but I speak about her and people almost look a bit taken a back as if they are shocked I still talk about her.

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