A long time ago all I wanted was an ickle baby - but now I've got a nearly 6 year old boy, and I need some new parenting techniques: Cod, GDG, Steven Biddulph - anyone with boys please come and advise me

[Anchovy]

I've just come back from a 2 week holiday with DS, and its really brought it home to me how much he has grown up. He's just finished Reception, and will be 6 in October. His recent report was great - he's doing well at school and having fun and has made some good friends friends - so there are no real educational/developmental concerns. He is also a real little poppet (his younger sister is known at home as the Queen of Mean, so it all evens itself out!)

But he's become a boy. He fiddles with everything all the time. He's getting a bit impulsive, and clumsy. He's extremely inquisitive - in a very intelligent but very tiring way. He's very sassy with his responses - sometimes very funnily so, other times borderline inappropriate.

My parenting to date has been focussed on - well, how to clean the umbilical stump and weaning and sleeping through the night and gymboree and potato printing and play doh. I need some new resources...

Anyone want to give me any advice on how to move on to this next stage...?

hijack:
whats an aupair couple? you have both? they share a room? and money? (interesting concept)

[Hijack Response: In our case, they are a couple (late 20s) who both work for us as au-pairs (twice the pay, twice the number of hours) and they share a self-contained flat at the top of our house. Frankly the football thing is a bit random, the male side of the au-pair couple just happens to be a PE teacher who is also a football coach.]

ok, ok. that sounds good!

I woild say let him be your guide.
every boy is different so we cant really say. get to know this new boy and work with it!!

What Cod said.

It's hard, sometimes, for a mum to realise that boys are different to girls. They're so similar until they get to school age and then they completely change. They become those disgusting, smelly, willy-fiddling, sniggering chaps we girls used to laugh at at school... but at home they're still your little boy and still need your love and support.

Speaking as the parent of a 7.5 yr old boy (and a 3.5 yr old too) I think you just have to accept there are some things you never understand about boys. If he has a hands-on father, it's about this age that they become very important. Kicking about a football and discussing things only boys understand, etc. It's important to acknowledge that your little boy is growing up and let him do more grown up things.

Letting them run around and jump out of trees etc is good. They have a lot of energy, and potato printing just doesn't cut it.

I'm not a fan of too much organised activity. But if he has friends to muck around with then that's even better.

It's a lovely age, as well as being very frustrating! But enjoy it!

at them being like puppies, it is so appropriate...
my ds1 is not quite as puppyish but ds2 will even jump on people he likes.

Anybody elses boy refused to 'swim up' to beevor?!

I have 3 boys (12,7,5). The 7yo is absolutely barking mad!He was thought to have dypraxia at one time.
Fiddles with everything, especially door handles!Shouts a lot, falls over a lot. Drives me nuts really!
Best thing is to run the energy off, walks and bike rides, preferably with swings/ den building en route.
Other things I have found to be brilliant - street dance classes, geomag (especially teamed with tesco rubber wobbly moveable dinosaurs £1 - £2 for great imagination play), and karate!
Karate (or any form) is just fantastic. ds does a contact form. This is the best ever thing ds has done. Since doing this his coordination has increased 200%. He is now able to play football and cricket and swingball with far more accuracy, and he is so much calmer and more sensible. When he was assessed for the dxypraxia, this was what they reccomended for him....and boy does it work!

Use their exuberance by leaving horrible ornaments your MIL gave you in their path. That's what I do.

I've got a high-maintenance nearly 9 year old and a slightly lower-maintenance nearly 6 year old. Important for us:

Lots of activity. For DS1, who is a fiddler, chewer and mouther, it has to be structured or it (and he) becomes unmanageable. He needs rules to thrive. So he does swimming, Cubs, karate, football and drama.

Boundaries. I admit I am a bit rubbish at this sometimes, but boundaries for behaviour and for other things, like TV-watching or computer-playing. DS1 really needs those.

Measures of responsibility. We live in London, so playing on our street is not an option. However, we now let DS1 go and buy his comic on a Saturday.

DS2 is very ambivalent about growing up (intimations of mortality and all that) so at bedtime he likes to revert to a cute and cuddly creature of some description. Only DH and I are alllowed to know about his alter egos. I play along with this and indulge him, so he knows he can still be my baby too. Right now he is a baby robin ("I'm your favourite fledgling, aren't I, Mummy?")

I find parenting boys quite baffling at times, as they are alien creatures. They both really value time with their dad now - for DS1 it's in the form of football matches and kickabouts, for DS2 it's time alone going to buy his comic or playing 'soft toy wars'.

Message withdrawn

This thread has been hugely helpful to me - thanks a lot.

"Bouts of extreme silliness" - oh yes indeedy: we have symptoms of these at the moment. I love that expression and I can see that we will be subject to these for the next few years.

Also loved the description of not being able to walk in a straight line - Ds was extremely good as a toddler and 4/5 year old - always held my hand, always walked straight and purposefully, but now... argh!!!

DS and I are fortunate that DH is very integral to the DCs lives and is keen to be more so. In fact I think he relishes the thought that he and DS will become even closer over the next few years plus he loves the sound of some of the things they can do together (he has found a brilliant website called "Dadcando" which has all details of making paper planes and things). DH and I have also committed to the idea that we are going to need to be really healthy and active ourselves (we are early/mid 40's) for this stage.

Had a bit more of a flick through the SB book. There was one astonishing chapter where it suggested that you sat down with your son - admittedly a bit older - and told them what sex meant to you in "emotional and caring terms". I think we are going to stick with the meccano and the bike riding for a bit!

Cod is the oracle of all things boy. Fantastic post which, once I have deciphered it, I will aim to follow.

A very good book, but possibly for when the boys are a little bit older is this one
He'll be OK
Highly recommended.

Glad its not just me who uses Dog anology for her boys.

I have always said that one of the essentials of boys is daily, regular exercise...and let them get dirty!

My eldest is just 8...and climbs everything, he now goes to a climbing club and in 6 weeks compelted 2 courses and is now allowed into the 3rd group which has a recommended age of 12+.

I was with them in Waitrose car park a few days ago with him following behind. Turned round to chivvy him along and no sight of him!! Much to the amusement of some others he was at the top of one of the lamp-posts! What can you do but laugh!

With mine I close my eyes to some of the antics and let them test themselves physically. They need to have space to climb trees, ride down steps on their bikes etc.

Love the boys are like dogs analogy ... so true
Has anyone mentioned that time with Dad or, if not possible with Dad, A N Other significant Male Role Model is important too?

My DS is still my baby in many ways (he is 8 in November) but he absolutely worships his Dad and thrives on special Dad Time (playing on PS2 together, doing blokey things like going to hardware store for nails, playing rough and tumble games, practising cricket bowling action, watching Top Gear together, and in our house, cooking together) ....

Important for boys to see how Decent Blokes behave and treat others ... IMO.

I have a friend who is a lone parent with one boy of 7. Dad is a git who does drugs and is never around. But her DS is a fabbo kid ... has loads of time with his Grandad ... a positive male role model.
Very 'biddulph' but very true.

Brill thread. DS1 turned 5 yesterday and having spent a year in reception, is very similar to the ds of the OP. He is pushing the boundaries at times. I have my 'how to talk....' book poised for re-reading and am very conscious that I have recently been A Bit Too SHouty.

Now that he is 5, there are more sporty things he can do. He has spent the year asking why his friends can go to football and judo, for example and he can't. Took me until June to find swimming lessons that would take a 4 year old.

I take them to a park with a bit of green space and after they have done their climbing and sliding we play 'races'. DS1 also occasionally comes running with me. We only go about half a mile and 'race' between lamp posts and then jog to the next, and so on.

It is the boundaries thing that I am having t make a conscious effort with. He asked for sweets 20 minutes ago (note time of this post!!!!) that he got for his birthday. He also gets bored easily and is constantly flitting from one activity to another. I need to find something that can maintain his attention which is not TV or a gambeboy!!

His report at school used the word 'exuberant' on several occasions. I laughed at the teacher-speak!

OH yes. I also need to decide upon my 'food and meal time' rules and be firm with them...

Mine also love spending time with Dad.

Luckily my husband is very good with them. Hes agrees projects with them, gets them to design what they want to build, at the moment its a catapult, then will help them build it.

They go of to find scrap wood and bits or peices or go to DIY shops.

He also reads with them, I think I seen somewhere boys should read with an older male.

This is a fascinating thread......and I'm going to print it off and read it over my first coffee of the day. DS1 is 5 and a half - and the half is so very important to him.....I could have written you're post Anchovy and I'm finding the advice so far is really interesting. I've also go a 3.5 year old boy too....double the fun!

This thread has been great, it reflects so much of how I am feeling about my lovely DS1. I have lots of ideas now, and have just emailed the link to DH to read as well. Thanks to all who have contributed.

6 and 4 year old boys here, again boundaries are not our strong point, especially with the 4 year old. He starts school in September so sure he will calm down a bit as his verbal skills develop.

The 6 year old can be very rude, his favourite words are idiot and stupid - said in a very petulant voice.

Kaz - have you got min? Idiot and stupid used a lot here too!

Also tendency for me to be a bit too shouty here which DH hates and it causes friction between us. So will order the "How to Talk...." book.

We are off on holiday on Wednesday and will bring the Steve Biddulph so both DH and I can read it.

DH always wanted a dog!

Me - very shouty - i hate it
DH - just a softie, totally no idea how to discipline kids and when he does it comes out all over the top. As his dad used to hit him he really doesn't like to do discipline as he doesn't really have any positive role models himself.