A long time ago all I wanted was an ickle baby - but now I've got a nearly 6 year old boy, and I need some new parenting techniques: Cod, GDG, Steven Biddulph - anyone with boys please come and advise me

[Anchovy]

I've just come back from a 2 week holiday with DS, and its really brought it home to me how much he has grown up. He's just finished Reception, and will be 6 in October. His recent report was great - he's doing well at school and having fun and has made some good friends friends - so there are no real educational/developmental concerns. He is also a real little poppet (his younger sister is known at home as the Queen of Mean, so it all evens itself out!)

But he's become a boy. He fiddles with everything all the time. He's getting a bit impulsive, and clumsy. He's extremely inquisitive - in a very intelligent but very tiring way. He's very sassy with his responses - sometimes very funnily so, other times borderline inappropriate.

My parenting to date has been focussed on - well, how to clean the umbilical stump and weaning and sleeping through the night and gymboree and potato printing and play doh. I need some new resources...

Anyone want to give me any advice on how to move on to this next stage...?

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Excellent!

I need you to come a do a supernanny style visit with my Ds i think Cod and he is only 4.

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Cod -That's a fantastic analogy
I have 1 puppy and another on the way....

Agree with exercise after school- DS1's therapists (he ahs Aspergers, soemtimes referred to as ultimate boy syndrome LOL) say we have to get a tramploine and send him straight onto it after schoole very day to work off too much sitting down / being good.

Speaking from experience, fiddling with things is very important for developing fine motor skills, so playing with lego, mecchano, modelling medium (playdough, plasticine) is great for 6 yr olds. But respect things which are not to be fiddled with, eg. DVD, T.V.,phones, computers,etc. Those indoor play adventure centres are great for burning off a lot of excess energy when the weather is really bad or cold, otherwise tearing around at a park and playground outside.
Start pocket money each week to help them learn about money.
Beavers and other organisations really show them how to be part of a group and do things together.
Your DS will still need you as his mum, just in a different way. Keeping the boundaries clear on acceptable/unacceptable behaviour etc. is just as important now as when he was a toddler. But it would be good for him to have special things that he does which don't include his sister, because he is growing up.

Now this is good stuff cod

Agree re what is cute at 4 is not cute at 8 - think that's what Iam trying to head off. Also that sassy, cheeky retorts which are actually quite funny to mum and dad are not necessarily so to his teacher.

He doesn't do anything outside of school which is not an after-school club - and that is something I've been thinking of (has been doing football and computing). The head at his school (private, fairly small, mildly ponce-y) actually said that IHO it was important that children did things outside of the school environment so that they formed relationships with other children and adults, which I think is excellent advice. Hmm - will need to think about this and what is suitable round our way.

He is starting judo at a school-based club in September, which I think will be quite good for him. He is very easy going - deffo not alpha male type - but has a lot of energy: I think as long as it is taught well, it will be really good for dampening it down and for teaching boundaries.

DEFFO agree re a visibly loving and civil relationship between parents being important.

LOL! Cod's got it right, just throw in a good measure of K'nex, Mechanno and Lego if you have a fiddler.

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This is interesting, my ds is coming up to 8, and incredibly clumsy at times, somewhat inclined to be "sassy", Tries to rule the roost a bit, HATES craft passionately.

I have always said little boys are like puppies, and always subscribed to the idea that they need to run off excess energy, preferably in the morning before you try to take them shopping/get a haircut/attend the dentists etc etc. It's one reason I think walking to school (or rather running to-and-fro along the pavements like a mad thing) is soooo valuable whenever possible.

Ds has been attending Beavers for about 18 months, and it's terrific for him. Also just started saturday morning football training. He has absolutely ZERO natural talent, but huge amounts of enthusiasm, which is all he needs.

We have difficult times, this weekend was horrendous, he seemed to do NOTHING he was asked to do, which infuriates dh as he is away all week (and of course, he over-reacts so I have to deal with fallout from both sides) . DS also had a 48 hr bout of extreme silliness, he can't tell when it sxtops being funny and just becomes totally annoying. But I have no doubt that next week he'll be his usual funny, personable self.

i have just posted this exact comment on a thread about teching science and maths to 5yos:

O
M
G

i am now feeling woefully inadequate as a parent. is dawning on me that im an ignoramus.

clumsy, pmsl at 'bout of extreme silliness'

I can just see me in a year's time, shaking my head while looking at ds, saying to the mum next to me in the playground "yes, I'm afraid he's gone down with a bout of extreme silliness"

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Honestly Cod, you should write a book, i'd buy it, well actually i'd expect a freebie but ykwim

Agree with the oldest child and bedtimes thingy. I changed all mines bedtimes a while ago but we slipped back, so have informed them that a week before they go back to school there will be big changes, bedtimes, tv rules etc etc, and I will stick to it this time.

is also dawning on me that i am in a world of trouble in about 2+ years time... (when the first one gets to six and it will be 2.5 years before the third one gets to same groundhog day stage. gulp)

oh everything cod.
science
math
rules
all the really-obvious-when-you-see-it-written-stuff on this thread...

LOL, when DS's teacher wants to be sure he is listening she makes him wiggle his fingers at her, so that she can check she does not have some small intricate object in them that is absorbing all of his attention.

Right, I need to start "letting go" of DS a tiny bit, I think. He's ready. His best friend at nursery school (Italian, boy, only child with an older mother) used to be sometimes brought into school wrapped up in a cot blanket in his mother's arms with a dummy in his mouth on days when he was too tired to walk aged three. I need to make sure I don't go down that route, metaphorically speaking.

This is very interesting reading. I see my DS who will be 6 in Sept in your post Anchovy.

Before my eyes he has shot up into this boy I hardly recognise, he was once my toddler, my charge, mine completely and now he's out there in the world, making his own decisions at school and at the park (he headed off a bust up at the park today when he had his go-kart and all the other kids wanted a go - I left him to deal with it a bit and he sorted everyone out with a quick turn then said "right I'd like it back now" and I was really proud of the way he didn't look to me for support, he knew how to handle it. Stuff like that makes me realise that although he's only 5, things are really changing.

cod may I just say that your typing on this thread is really very good....for you.

anchovy, reading thread with interest, have a nearly four year old.

I like biddulph. also really like 'that's my boy' by jenny murray of woman's hour....that is a great book.

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Ooh, yes - I'd forgotten about that Jenni Murray book - haven't read it but remember the blurb at the time, about her being so cross about how maleness was being derided and marginalised. I will look that one out as well.

This is very interesting - love the dog-boy analogy Cod. I think some of this may be relevant to DD2 who, I realised recently, is very different to DD1 and that difference is mainly around being more 'boyish' - huge amount of physical energy and physical confidence, sassy, totally non-introspective, impulsive. I'm just about to sign her up for gym classes and have recruited a male au-pair (half of an au-pair couple) who is a football coach!

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