15yr old boy help needed

[Parsley1234]

Son 15 at boarding school just failed his end of year exams and we have been warned he may not make the grade to stay on.
Initially he was truculent blaming the school teachers everything but himself now he is taking responsibility and seems contrite willing to work hard over the summer.
Wise mumsnetters of teenage boys who have come out the other side successfully please pass on your tips !
I’m thinking remove phone and electronics
Study plan 2 hrs per day 2 x day
Exercise and healthy eating plan
My friend needs some help in his fish bait shop unpaid
He has a holiday booked already with a boy from school so that’s going ahead
He has started buying and selling items so carboots and charity shops
Have I missed anything ? He has had many chances and when he returns in September he will be monitored closely

Don't remove his phone. That's how teenagers stay connected with their friends.

Just ensure that the study time is completely phone-free.

Why would you make him work unpaid because he failed his exams though?

He has failed his exams spectacularly 3/4s despite having extra help clinics teachers learning mentors available. He has had a lot of privilege and freedom and has really let himself down and there has to be consequences I would imagine it maybe I am wrong I’m really at a loss

Well personally...and I have a teenager, I'd be wondering WHY this happened despite all the extra help.

Has he been ok academically in the past? How are his friendships? Any major upsets recently?

I’m wondering why you were not aware of this issue earlier. In a state secondary school you would have been expected to know before now.

Is he capable of higher?

You need to find out what the school is planning on doing before your next steps. If they won’t take him back you will need to find some where else and it very quickly they will use different exam boards.

15 is young to expect him to organise his own time and revision. How much support has he had? Does he know how to revise? Does he know exactly what he need to work on to improve in each subject? Eg source work in history, no 3 questions in RS, descriptive language in English and what his targets all mean?

Punishing for 3 months will not be helpful. Yes to natural consequence of having to study over the holidays but it sounds like he needs more support than just been sent to his room with revision guides. 2 hours a day every day will be counter productive. He also needs a break.

Surely for health eating then just make sure there is only healthy food in the house.

Thank you for your replies.
He has not been taking advantage of the extra help offered he blames the school his teachers everyone but himself. He is a good kid but immature in his attitude.
He needs 5 x grade 6 to stay onto 6th form the school has a learning programme starting from September with him I will be having weekly meetings with him and his tutor with measured outcomes monitored weekly. He had that after first term and it worked in 2nd term effort up from 2.3 to 3.1 he’s now back to 2.1. He is not unintelligent and in capable it’s disappointing and I’m worried it’s too little too late.
There does need to be support with revision and we will be getting him a summer tutor to consolidate what he knows and identify what he doesn’t
So consequences any or none as I said I’m at a loss

If he's fallen way behind I don't think its a good idea to take up the summer period with unpaid work in a fish bait shop and buying selling stuff at car boot sales.

Make him work steadily and in a focussed way throughout the summer. Get a tutor if necessary.

Can you show him the alternative if not getting into 6th form? Do you know yourself what will happen if he doesn’t?

Does he want to stay on after GCSEs?
Does he even want to do A levels?

My suggestion is explore other options with him. Either you will find something better, or it will make him realise he wants to stay on and that might motivate him to work harder.

I also think your suggestion of 4 hrs a day is too much and will just make him resentful. You need stick, but need some carrot also.
I'm a great believer in having a Plan B (and C).

Yes I think I was shooting from the hip this morning re unpaid work
You’re right a calm measured approach with a tutor would be better.
Alternative would be a state 6 form or an apprenticeship I would imagine. I’m seeing his house master tonight with him there to outline options. Thank you all so much I’m feeling a lot of emotions right now but I can see going crazy will not help

The main option you have missed is BTECs which are more vocational and are mainly done by assignments (though do have exams too). They are quite varied, eg Computing, Public Services, etc. There are Law related things (CILEX?), tourism, engineering, etc etc.

So you need to understand

• was it lack of work
• were revision techniques ineffective
• is exam technique OK
• or is he struggling with the subjects

At a boarding school I'd expect him to have mandatory prep/study time. Did he work then? Did he do any extra? Does he really think he worked as hard as the others.

Can he show you any revision cards / mind maps he has made?
Are his notes good enough to revise from? Does he have revision guides?

Is he full or weekly? If weekly, did he revise at home for the exams at the w/e?

All of the above 4 things he finds hard but he makes it harder than needs be. He has mandatory 2hrs prep per night. He does stay at school but comes home on a Saturday I think he is aware of his limitations but is so busy blaming he doesn’t take responsibility for himself

I think it can be hard to motivate yourself if you find the work hard and the work you do try to do seems to be ineffective.

So I would maybe then focus on teaching him effective techniques. e.g. Summarising to cards/mind maps, online quizzes, practice questions, explaining to you, being tested.

So eg
Maths is about practicing the maths.
Science, have you heard of Tassomai? (if not visit the Secondary education board). Or try to learn a topic, then do a practice question or 6.
English can he explain to you about the characters and key themes? Does he know relevant quotes?

Does he sit down to 'revise science' or to 'learn the solubility of salts in Chemistry'? To 'revise Macbeth' or to be able to 'give the main points regarding use of light and dark in Macbeth including 6 quotes'?

Teen thank you I think this my problem I don’t know how to help him I am not academic and I feel out of my depth thank you for replying

He does not seem to be particularly academic if he is struggling this much.

If getting the grades at GCSE level is this difficult then surely A levels are going to be a whole lot harder, never mind Uni.

If it was my son I'd be looking at options such as apprenticeships and college courses which he might actually enjoy and suit his strengths and he will be far more likely to succeed.

5x Grade 6 is not an unreasonably high requirement to stay on and do A levels. If he can't achieve that then a Plan B will be needed. No point imo doing A levels just to end up with Ds and Es.

Maybe pick the two most critical / least well performing subjects and try to get a tutor to go through study techniques with him (and maybe you too). Though why that should be necessary on top of boarding school fees defeats me.

Thank you the school have been amazingly supportive and it is my son who is being obstructive and belligerent. I want to support him the best I can and I need help to do that good idea re a tutor working with us both

Update : we have agreed on 4 hours revision per day he says he did take the exams not seriously and was lazy. We need to make a decision about his trip booked in two weeks with a friend which tickets are non refundable in one way I feal cancelling wd be punitive but on the other hand it’s a crap situation all round. His dad was taken to hospital Friday with chest pains and a suspected blood disorder so it is all on my shoulders hard to know what to do

Have you asked him if he is happy? My ds went off the rails with school because he was being relentlessly bullied and it nearly broke him. Or is he taking drugs? Try to understand where he is at. Punishing him won’t help if he is deeply unhappy and could make things much worse.

No he’s not un happy he’s too happy socialising doing everything bar work. No drugs either he’s just an immature lazy 15 year old. I just don’t want him to waste this opportunity he won’t get the time back

Tell him he can go on the trip if he works hard between now and then. He needs something to look forward to.

You can help him revise by discussing what he has learnt today, get him to teach you the topic over dinner and ask him what he plans on learning the next day. Try to be genuinely interested and ask him questions. If he wants you can use the revision guide to test time.

Thank you ! All of you yes that’s what I’m planning on doing for the next week see how it goes he does seem contrite I hope it lasts. 4 hours split then talking about what he understands rinse and repeat daily

I'm in 2 minds OP.

One - if you are sure it's just laziness & nothing else I would focus his mind a bit. Get him to write a list of the 3 options available should he not pass his exams. If he's like my teen then the future doesn't really matter until it's upon him & he just thinks something will come up or someone else will sort it out for him last minute :)

Two - is there any chance he doesn't want to go back to school so he has unconsciously or on purpose sabotaged his results so he doesn't have to go back? Talk to him about the non academic side of school, friends, bullies, staff or students that he has unwanted close contact with. It's helpful to be doing something when you want a young person to talk, take him our on a car journey or get his help peeling veg, something that isn't a 'we are having a Talk' kind of thing.

Another question what about phone use and laptop how much is reasonable ? None monitored or anything else pls advise

I would keep the plan for this summer as simple and achievable as possible. I think four hours work a day is too much. He wont keep it up and you will be disappointed. I would focus on Maths and English. Get a tutor to do a couple of hours a week. At the moment I would focus on him passing key GCSE's and do some of your own research in case he doesnt. As a previous poster said - have a plan B and C. Please think carefully before assuming A levels at this school is the only way.

That is pretty catastrophic in terms of results and tbh quite hard to do so badly especially at boarding school where he has so much support? Are you sure nothing else is going on?

I think you have to get him a tutor and the tutor must test him every Friday. He needs to pass those tests regularly then you can allow him all his privileges if you really think this is a lazy child issue.

No phone while doing this 4 hours studying and only using the laptop for work in that time. Rest of the time I would let him be.