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Original poster

Mum group leaving me out

34 replies

pamplemousse321 · 21/06/2019 08:11

So I recently posted about feeling left out as my mum group went to soft play.

Now the group are making me feel even more left out. I met my group of mums at a post natal course at my children’s centre. We all swapped numbers and met up regularly at some classes, weigh ins etc.

It turns out after soft play they have been arranging other meet ups as I saw them all walking through the city centre yesterday without me. I was out with my sister who works part time.

So they are now arranging things without me. I do genuinely have busy weeks and cannot meet with them every time they do something. I have family and other friends to spend time with during my maternity leave so can’t meet with the Centre mums every day which is what they seem to do.

Seeing the same people every day would drive me mad but it would seem they are now arranging things without me even though I like to see other people apart from them.

We all went to a music class earlier this week and no one mentioned the town meet up to me or invited me. In fact they hardly spoke to me and stayed in their group of 4.

Am I just overreacting or should I make my own way without these girls. It just seems bitchy to exclude someone because I want to meet other family and friends.

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hormonesorDHbeingadick · 21/06/2019 08:14

Do you ever suggest meet ups? Perhaps they think your not interested.

LoganPeanutButter · 21/06/2019 08:22

It's your life, don't feel bad for wanting to spend time with your other friends and your family. Sounds like you have a good network around you anyway. I wouldn't bother trying if they don't . Youre gunnar have lots of opportunities to make friends with other mums when your child is in nursery etc. Do what's best for you.

SarahBeeney · 21/06/2019 08:26

They sound horrible to leave you out like that.
I would try and make other friends.

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LIZS · 21/06/2019 08:29

If you have previously said you we busy they probably think you already have others to meet. You could, suggest a venue or just move on. Join regular classes like swimming and meet other mums that way. The group will fragment when they start to return to work.

Strugglingtodomybest · 21/06/2019 08:33

I would move on from them, or at least, bother less about them, ie not make meeting up with them a priority.

I wouldn't mind them doing stuff without me if I'm already busy, but the shutting you out at music class sounds immature.

SnuggyBuggy · 21/06/2019 08:35

I'd move on because it sounds like they have founded their group and closed ranks. It's pretty shit though and I'm glad you have other people.

imnotcheryl · 21/06/2019 08:49

How was the music class organised? Who usually organises meet ups?

Original poster

pamplemousse321 · 21/06/2019 08:50

Yes I do suggest meet ups. The music class was my idea to start off with and I regularly suggest the park or coffee when I do have free days. Sometimes they attend, sometimes they say they are busy but at least I text all of them.
At music class they all sit together and leave together. I sit with them sometimes if I get there on time and there’s space and try to make conversation but most of the time they talk about stuff that their babies can do like pull themselves up, crawl etc which my daughter cannot do as she’s the youngest in our group. It’s like I am uninteresting to them as my baby can’t do those things and I have other friends outside of their bubble.

OP posts:

Imicola · 21/06/2019 08:53

It sounds a bit like you often have to decline invites, so they may think you aren't that interested? As others have said, do you also suggest outings? I find it gets to be a drag if you keep inviting a person to things, they rarely show up, and they never invite you to anything themselves.
You sound lucky to have a good network of friends and family around, but perhaps the others don't which is why they meet so regularly. I think if I was in your shoes I'd move on, as it doesn't sound like you really need this group, and if they are making you feel excluded then it may not be so enjoyable when you do see them.

Imicola · 21/06/2019 08:55

Ah, cross post, sorry. Sounds like they are just not very nice, you'll be better off without them OP.

Original poster

pamplemousse321 · 21/06/2019 08:57

How do I “move on” I still see these mums at music class and will get the odd group text. Do I just not reply?

OP posts:

poopypants · 21/06/2019 08:57

So there are 4 of them plus you. Was that all the people at the original post natal group? Were there other mums also? It sounds to me that the 4 of them are very focused on their dc and meeting up regularly and you are not. Do they have naturally turned closer bonds with each other than with you. That's why I am asking if there were more than 5 of you in the original post natal group. If there were, do you feel like you excluded the other people? If not then perhaps that's how these 4 feel about you. That you are just one of the other mums. Nothing personal.

sergeilavrov · 21/06/2019 09:01

I’m sorry you feel left out, that’s really hard. I think because it’s only four people, they’ve just really clicked - especially given their children are closer in age and thus can better compare developmental milestones (pointless anyway!) It’s always hard when a friendship is one way, but it does sound as if you feel you have other friends/support too. Is there a reason you would badly like to be friends with them in particular? You have indicated you find them a bit dull, so I’m not sure? I’d just ignore the texts, be polite in person and find people I have something in common with who like me too.

LIZS · 21/06/2019 09:05

There must be activities outside the children's centre - library, sports centre, buggy walking. I would try to become less reliant upon them as a group , go along if it suits you, make the occasional suggestion but also find others with whom you may have more in common.

Seriously79 · 21/06/2019 09:05

I'd hate it if this happened to me. However, I would let them know that I was aware they were meeting - next time you seen them, just casually mention 'I saw you all the other day in town, hope you had fun'.

It could be very innocent, with no malice behind it x

Original poster

pamplemousse321 · 21/06/2019 09:07

There was one other mum in the post natal group as well as the ones in my group now. She has moved away with her husbands work.

I don’t find them dull, Id love to join in their conversations as I could learn for when my daughter starts doing these milestones. They just don’t talk to me, I try to contribute but they look at me as if I’m alien to them when I reply and say my daughter is rolling yet.

OP posts:

Eyewhisker · 21/06/2019 09:10

I’m a bit worried by your post that when they do chat you find the conversation uninteresting as your DD can’t do that yet. If that comes across, then you’re likely to come across as not really part of the group. Even if your DD can’t do that yet, you can be pleased and excited for them. Being part of a group conversation is more about how well you listen rather than how much you speak.

GrassIsntGreener · 21/06/2019 09:10

This exact thing happened to me, arranging things and all getting together without including me. I felt so left out and like I'd done something wrong, but couldn't think what it could have been. In the end I stopped contact with them, stopped texting and keeping up to date. It still makes me feel a bit sad when I see photos of their 'mums night out'. I don't think I was a member who fitted into the group well to be honest, different values (they would judge mums who didn't have jobs, for example).

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 21/06/2019 09:19

It just sounds as if they are "full members" of the group, and you are an "occasional member", because you have lots of other things on. I am an "occasional member" of several groups, because I work and they don't. Inevitably over time they grow closer and I am less central to that group.

I doubt they are doing it on purpose - they just see that you are less invested in that social group than they are. Do they have a Message group for arranging things? If so ask to get added.

Original poster

pamplemousse321 · 21/06/2019 09:23

I am pleased and excited when their babies reach milestones. I ask about it in person and always reply to the texts that I am sent. I swapped numbers as I wanted to be part of the group that I met at the children’s centre. But they don’t include me even though I am active on the texts, at classes and on the meet ups I can make.

OP posts:

NorthEndGal · 21/06/2019 09:28

Have they ever invited you, or is it a sometimes they do, sometimes they don't , thing?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 21/06/2019 09:28

Sometimes people just don't "gel". Doesn't mean anyone is unpleasant or unkind, it's just life. You have other friends so I think you just have to move on.

Music group was a bit immature, but maybe they feel they have little in common with you.

Original poster

pamplemousse321 · 21/06/2019 09:31

They do invite me to things which I go to if I can. If I’m meeting my sister or other friends, I politely say I can’t make it this time. However this town meet, they definitely didn’t text me about.

OP posts:

NorthEndGal · 21/06/2019 09:36

Wait, so they do invite you, and you do go .
Something's you are not able, as you have other friends.
Occasionally they do things without you.

Struggling to see where they went wrong

Original poster

pamplemousse321 · 21/06/2019 09:51

If you read my original post, they are starting to not invite me to things. I’m not even getting invited before I can say I have other genuine plans. I am just finding out by seeing them in the city centre on a meet up. They may be doing this more than I think. Maybe that’s not clear, if not I’m sorry.

OP posts:

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