Mum group leaving me out

[pamplemousse321]

So I recently posted about feeling left out as my mum group went to soft play.

Now the group are making me feel even more left out. I met my group of mums at a post natal course at my children’s centre. We all swapped numbers and met up regularly at some classes, weigh ins etc.

It turns out after soft play they have been arranging other meet ups as I saw them all walking through the city centre yesterday without me. I was out with my sister who works part time.

So they are now arranging things without me. I do genuinely have busy weeks and cannot meet with them every time they do something. I have family and other friends to spend time with during my maternity leave so can’t meet with the Centre mums every day which is what they seem to do.

Seeing the same people every day would drive me mad but it would seem they are now arranging things without me even though I like to see other people apart from them.

We all went to a music class earlier this week and no one mentioned the town meet up to me or invited me. In fact they hardly spoke to me and stayed in their group of 4.

Am I just overreacting or should I make my own way without these girls. It just seems bitchy to exclude someone because I want to meet other family and friends.

It doesn't sound like you are really part of the group though. So I don't think there is any malice behind it.

Aw it is difficult with these groups I know it is easy to get sucked back into what can feel like school cliques! Maybe just keep doing what you are - meet when you can and try if you can not to let it get to you - over time I think it will improve and they probably don’t mean to deliberately leave you out (well not all of them there may be one queen bee ruling the roost!) but the others are probably just too busy / preoccupied with being new mums to notice. Hopefully it will even out a bit over time.

Do they see you out with others and wonder why you haven't invited them?

Do you ever organise things and invite them?

Is the texting done one by one or via WhatsApp? Maybe you are not in their WhatsApp group ? I'm just asking because a friend of mine refused to be on WhatsApp so sometimes she didn't find out about outings. Too complicated to remember to inform someone separately just because they refuse to use common technology

Are some of these things you aren't invited to maybe things more suited to babies of the groups age

Ok it sounds like they’ve formed a closer friendship with each other than with you.

There’s nothing wrong with that - they’re allowed to have closer connections to some people, and it’s not bitchy to decide to invite different people to different things.

Just be friendly when you happen to see them, and focus on making other mum friends/seeing your existing friends.

You don’t need to ignore them or have any drama - just drift away from that group.

As the babies get older, people go back to work etc all these groups will change anyway, it’s not worth getting stressed about.

Is it just one outing that you haven't been invited to?

What's the problem if you're sometimes otherwise engaged and they'd drive you mad seeing them everyday anyway? Sounds Iike you have the best of both worlds.

Look they aren’t your friends, they /their kids just attend some of the same classes as you. They clearly have founded friendships through the class but it’s not with you. So you can think of this in 2 ways. Either continue going when you are invited as a way to get out and about but don’t treat their interactions as a priority, or cut off any out of class activity and maybe start looking at other avenues for friends.