Toddler always runs off

[SPR1107]

Looking for some advice.

I have a 2.9 year old. Very articulate, can understand, can verbalise etc. I also have a 9 week old baby.

Whenever we go out, my two year old darts! This was happening before baby, so not a new issue. He is scarily fast, and it's now got to the point where I no longer dare take him anywhere that's any further than a few meters from the car.

I have tried telling him why it's dangerous, saying we will go home if he does it... and following through with it. Praising good behaviour. Talking to him before we go somewhere. Pretending to just wander off and leave him.. he doesn't care!

I don't know what else to do. He thinks it's funny, thinks it's a game. But I can't dart around a shop catching him, and even when I do, he's too heavy for me to wrestle... which is also why reins don't work.

When we go to playschool all the other children wait for the doors to open by standing by their parents. I'm chasing him up and down the street with newborn in tow, trying to catch him and stop him going near the road.

The dangers are frightening. Anyone got any advice please?

Reins.
He sounds perfectly normal for his age.

To add. It isn't just with me. He does this with DH and grandparents. I had to ask my friend to pick him up from playschool recently and he also done it to her.

I've had to research to find gated parks in our area so I know he'll play without disappearing!

Oh, just noticed you said reins don't work. I would persevere.
Better that than lost or under a car.

Get a little life backpack. He either wears it or goes in a pushchair. He'll soon learn.

This is exactly the reason why I got a double buggy when I had my second DC. DS1 was two at the time.

Put both DC in the buggy whenever you go out and make a point of telling him he has to go into the buggy like his baby sibling because he is acting like a baby. (My eldest loved being the 'big boy' and hated any suggestion he was a baby!) Take it everywhere with you. If you let him out and he darts, he goes back in with no fuss or attention. Simply pick him up and strap him down. Then repeat. He'll get the message eventually.

Double buggy.

I echo what others have said. Reins, pushchair or he doesn't get to go out.
You can also plan around it a bit. So when you arrive somewhere, he stays in the car whilst you put the baby in the pushchair and then you get him out; when you get back to the car, he gets in first whilst the baby stays in the pushchair.

You have to use reins! If he runs then stand still and he can’t go anywhere then.

What makes him run? He may see it as a game.

Can you hold his hand? Use a pushchair? I remember walking mine at a similar age but I always had a hand on him and only let him run in parks etc. I was fast enough to catch him unless I had dd in the sling then he went in a pushchair.

How about a double buggy for when you're out in your own with him, so you can pin him in? I had the Ted something or other side by side one that was suitable for a newborn and my then 19 month old.

Then when you have someone else with you, go hardcore 'training'! Hold his hand and teach him to walk alongside you and listen to you.

Reins or backpack reins or double buggy

Buggy. My best friend's little one is the same, he runs off, he gets strapped in the buggy and isn't allowed out again.

Thanks everyone.

He does see it as a game yeah, cos he's constantly laughing.

I can't really afford to get another buggy at the minute. But also he's huge, he does fit comfortably in a pram because his legs just drag.

I think I'm going to have to give reins another go. He's just so strong. I tried one of those little life ones and the strap on it when round his tummy instead of his chest, like I had expected it to, and it just fell off his shoulders all the time.

He does enjoy going on the buggy board but then that doesn't help when we're at parks and he just jumps off inside shops etc.

I already get him out last and put him in first. I've got a toddler strap on the pram as well which I try and encourage him to hold.

Would a reward system work?

Reins will work, you are an adult to his toddler size. Why do you think that they won’t work?

Carry baby in a sling so that you have both hands free for Ds. This is what I did. We also had wrist strap which we used as twins didn’t work. The little life backpack works well for nephew

We got an out and about nipper second hand for £150. It is meant for up to age 4. It did our eldest who has always been huge (is nearly as tall as me now and he's 6YO!).

He needs tied down until he sorts his act out.

I'm sorry but if my dd2 ran off I'd give her a telling off. We front onto a road and their lives pretty much depend on it. Otherwise I tell her she's behaving like a baby and needs to go on a lead I.e reins.

even when I do, he's too heavy for me to wrestle... which is also why reins don't work.

He’s a toddler and needs to learn boundaries. I actually don’t understand why reins don’t work. NO is a wonderful word and not letting him run rings around you would help. ☺️ It’s called parenting your child.

Reins don't work because he's too strong for me. I have a chest condition which means I have a weak upper body.

'it's called parenting your child'... what's the need for this condescending statement? I've explained what I've tried, and I'm asking for advice on HOW to help the situation. I haven't said I let him do what he wants, and if that was the case, I wouldn't be here looking for a solution.

If you instantly knew all the answers when you had your first child, then well done you. Nothing you've said @Arabuella is at all constructive.

Thank you for those who have given helpful suggestions

You tell him off in no uncertain terms. Get a wrist strap and he can't wander any further than the length of the strap. He does it because he can so you just make sure he cannot.

My child was the same. He’s also top of the centile charts and I haven’t been able to lift him since he was two so I totally get you there - I see people carrying their children of the same age around in one arm and that is not a possibility here! I also have a health condition which means I can’t lift much but even people in full health struggled when he was in a mood where he was refusing to move; as well as the running off he also refused to move at times and would just sit on the floor and I was unable to pick him up.

I also have another child and a pushchair was the only option for me for the most-part, especially as I don’t drive and therefore walk everywhere. I did use reins at times - even with him being stronger than me (really!) I was able to stop him going off but they didn’t help with the sitting and refusing to move. And I had to get my other child to school on time every day! As I said, he’s very tall but was fine in the pushchair till 3 1/2.

at parenting your child. My eldest never did this, and was always obedient. My youngest was a shock to the system and unless you’ve had a child who finds it hilarious getting told off you have no idea. It was just a phase though.

If you can't afford a new buggy then maybe ask for contributions towards one for you and your DPs birthday? Not very glamerous I know but better than your LO running under a car.

If Reins are a no go then you need to get a double pram. Phil and teds can be picked up cheaply second hand and the seat is huge.

My son was always running off. He's now 3.5 and only now can we go out without reins.

At 2, it's either stay with mammy and hold hands or go in the pram.

I’ve only got one and I have no control when he’s walking , he also like to lay down in the middle of shops even on reins. He’s always on reins we use the webbing ones and you can get leather ones both give plenty of purchase to keep hold of him. And I use the reins or pushchair option. Mines younger than yours.
Is there anyone who can go out with you until you’ve cracked it to help with the pushchair and baby or to wrestle the toddler?
Does he respond to bribery either instant so if you walk nicely you’ll get a biscuit or a star chart? It’s not difficult to wean them off the biscuit or sweet treat if you only use it for a week or two.
The other option is terrifying him, mine improved dramatically after seeing a squashed rabbit in the road and it was explained to him why the rabbit had been squashed.

Reins, looped around the handle of the pram to give you some leverage.

You could also try a reward system of some kind - perhaps a sticker book of his favourite film or similar, and if he's a very good boy he gets a STICKER! Or some people use jars and coloured beads or pasta - when the child is good they get a thing to put in the jar and when the jar is full, they get a reward like a small toy or something. I haven't tried that myself but I can see it working well out and about, as you can have a few beads (big ones that he can't swallow!) or pasta bits in your bag and give him one immediately on good behaviour to carry home. I think instant rewards are best at this age.

You could also look for social stories about not running away and try and use those.

Good luck, DS was a little bugger for this as well but he is growing out of it now, at 3.5. We haven't needed reins for ages now.

Tighten the straps of the backpack!