Dd has just told me and ds she's gay

[AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore]

Other than giving her a big hug, telling her I love her, and asking if she needs any support with school (which I did) what else should I be doing?!

DH will be back in a bit and wondering whether to brief him or let her tell him!

That’s great she feels able to tell you. I wouldn’t do anything now. Let her know you’re there for her if she needs anything.

Only you know how your dh will take it. So if you think he will react badly to her telling him you need to tell him.
Don't keep it from him as it will make it worse for you.
Be there as a family to support your dd.

How old is she?

I'd ask her if she wants you to tell DH, or her, or neither. She may not yet feel ready to tell him, and it's important to follow her wishes.

Is there a Pride parade coming up in your local city? If so, in a few days, you could offer to take her to watch it, if she wants to go.

She's early teens, BigSandyBalls.

Oh no, dh won't react badly, but might be a bit sideswiped (I had an inkling but hadn't mentioned to him as it just hadn't come up!)

I gave dd another hug. She told me to get over it already ;-) And to tell dh so she doesn't have to do it again!

Have been there OP, DD was 14, but now admits she knew far sooner. She's changed her sexuality through gay, bisexual and now pansexual but she's still the incredible, smart, sassy, person she always was :) It's likely taken her a long, long, time and lots of courage to tell you. It's fabulous she has

Huh ignore the first emoticon, was meant to be

Yes, I told her she was very brave - although she also said she knew we'd be fine, it was just a weird thing to have to say to someone.

Any other advice, SimplySteve? I feel I ought to do something ... but I'm not sure what!

I'd think (but may be wrong) I would not make a big deal of it. She is who she is and you're proud of her whatever her sexuality. So you carry on as usual.

The fact you've told her you're there to support her let's her know she can come to you again, should she get any grief from - - knuckle dragging muppets-- anyone.

I would let her know it's not a big deal to you and doesn't really change anything.

I suppose straight folk don't need to tell their parents 'mum I like boys' so I'm sure she is just glad it's done. You sound like great parents.

Dh told. He was sideswiped so glad I told him - I think he would have looked confused ;-) He's given her a hug and she said she's known about two years - so she has been really brave tonight! Although she still had to get her bag ready and put her phone to charge outside ;-)

And points taken, I will cool my jets - I'm just proud of her for telling us, and wanting to let her know that. Even (I hope) knowing we'll be fine, it was a scary thing to do.

LOL, cross-post with Nottonight, speaking my language I think I may be one of those mothers too (although in my defence, she only got a quiet bar of chocolate for starting her period, so I could be worse)

Just be there, it's going to be tough to get used to, but she's the same awesome DD she was before she told you. Just support, it sounds like she knows you're a great ear to use anyway.

As a family, we actually found it really empowering and developed a "fuck you" attitude to anyone who tried to denigrate her, which was great as my father, brother, uncle, and most of my extended family are racist, homophonic, misogynistic, bigoted fuckheads.

If I can help at any time, I will, PM or here :)

Yikes: is it bad I hadn't even thought about that? Sorry you've had to deal with that.

I think my family will be fine (if maybe a little taken aback) - although I suspect she may not want to tell them yet. Dh's parents (esp his dad) may struggle a bit and put their foot in it.

DS was diagnosed (also teen) as autistic last year, so we've got done the ground work in negotiating the process of people owning their stories/labels, and deciding who they/we tell; how they/we tell 'em; and the extent to which those told then need to just deal with what we've told 'em (whether they think it's 'real' or not...).

Thanks for the offer though - that's really kind, and if and when I/we mess up, I'll remember the offer of a friendly ear!

DD told my parents in her own time, and whilst I would say they retain their views, DD has been forthright, strong, assertive, bold, unrelenting and unfolding about who SHE is. They've just had to get used to it. The alternative was their only DGD telling them to fuck off.

Oh, and don't believe homophobia is shrinking. It's as big, if not bigger, problem than it's ever been.

Just reflecting. My personal bond with DD has always been super-strong, probably stronger than the one she has with DM, if anything the whole experience has made us grow, and our bond is now many times stronger, utterly unbreakable. I'm just utterly consumed with love for her. Not forgetting autistic, older, DS, who I love deeply. I'd say his bond is stronger with Mum, but both kids are just amazing, you know? I'm so blessed with my, now adult, children. Utterly so

Ughh, thanks for the reality check on homophobia @SimpleSteveRedux. We are middle-class-lefty-liberals-near-London, so I am conscious of having a very unrealistic expectations on that front. I am nervous that dd's (female) best mate (who pretty much lives at our house some days) comes from a VERY faith based family, and I worry how they will react - I suspect that they won't be told...

But that's a lovely reflection on your family - I hope our gang stay that close too as my two crash through adolescence!