Anyone manage to keep visitors away after baby was born?

[curiositycreature]

Just that really! Looking for other people’s experiences of minimising visitors at first. How long for? How did people take it? What exceptions did you need to make?

Why do you want to minimise them? I just let everyone visit in 1st 2 weeks and got it done, it was lovely to see everyone. Honestly it would have been 10x more stressful worryig about stopping people coming than it was to have lots of visitors

If you don't want visitors, just tell people that surely when they message to say congratulations/ask?

As above, why don't you want visitors?

I did. We told everyone beforehand that we were taking two weeks for family bonding, so that everyone was expecting it. Then invited people bit by bit. We're quite antisocial types so it wasn't unexpected for anyone.

Not enough people visited us in the first few weeks (live far from family and friends). We could have really done with some people just holding the baby now and then so we could rest/shower/eat.
If you don't want them to come that early on ask them to come next week/certain date etc.

I quite enjoyed having visitors. They do stop coming after the first couple of weeks and it can get a little lonely on weekdays when everyone is at work.

I didn't have loads of visitors and was very glad of it. Had DM & MIL (& DF & FIL later). I'd had an episiotomy and very sore nipples due to babies tongue tie. Very glad to be lying on my side with my boobs out.

We just gave people a heads up before he was born that we wanted a couple weeks before visitors descended & they got the hint... well not hint, statement!

We did. Didn't invite anyone to hospital or to ours for a week. I just needed some time and my DH understood that. If people had just turned up we would have turned them away but I think most people wait for an invite.

My friends and family waited for an invite and no one put any pressure on us. However - I wanted family and close friends to visit as soon as I felt like it (early with the first and a few days later with the second as I wasn't feeling great). These people love my children (as I love theirs) and I was overjoyed they shared in my excitement and love for this new little person. I didn't want them to feel rejected.

I didn't try to keep anyone away, I loved seeing them. I did mention to everyone who wanted to visit that, as I am recovering from birth and looking after a newborn, I would not be up to making tea for people etc. and visitors needed to OK with helping themselves out in the kitchen and so on. Everyone said "of course!" and asked what they could do to help, would I like them to pick up some shopping etc.

If you have toxic or rude relatives who expect a new mother to wait upon them, feel free to limit them or keep them away for a while.

DD was born on the Tuesday am and had no visitors at all til Friday and that was just MIL and FIL. Then on the Sunday my family came over. It was just what we needed - time to get our head around thid massive change before facing anyone else.

Ignore the tiresome types who think you're unnatural for not wanting visitors, or who aren't comfortable with refusing them. We didn't see anyone at all for three weeks, and it suited us -- no one else's wishes are paramount in that situation, and in fact (our families and friends not being that weird, pushy type I only ever encounter in Mn anecdotes, who think that there's a race to see the baby, and if it's more than ten minutes' old when sighted, it's not fair), everyone was fine with it.

And in the event, I had an infected CS scar, I couldn't move without pain, and breastfeeding, despite advice from midwives, HV, GP, NCT BF supporters, La Leche League, BF cafes, and an expensive lactation consultant, didn't work, so I'm delighted we didn't have anyone around when they would only have been an extra stressor.

Thanks all. Lots of interesting comments.

I don’t want to stop all visitors - very close to both mine and DH parents and siblings. Their visits probably don’t warrant any sort of concern. But we’re both one of five, so lots of visitors before we’ve even got past immediate family.

My thinking was more aunties and uncles, lots of friends. I’m just quite a private person, plus very introvert, and I know I’m likely to get easily overwhelmed with millions of people wanting to turn up. I can’t imagine trying to deal with sleep deprivation and learning to breastfeed and having people turning up every day.

I am hoping it is acceptable to tell people I needed a couple of weeks (or even a week, ten days, I don’t know how I’ll feel). I’m really worried people will think I’m being a bitch for not caring about their excitement, and was hoping for any advice to minimise giving off that impression! It really isn’t about that.

I enjoyed the visitors but I agree people wait for an invite so I don't think it's anything to worry about. Just don't answer the door for a few weeks unless you know who it is.

This was me! I didn't want visitors after my son was born. Mainly because I wanted my new little family to settle in first! I wanted all the cuddles and not watch him passed around. I also wanted to get comfortable, find out where everything should go in our home now there was 3 of us. I wanted to lay on the sofa with my wonderful partner and beautiful boy and just soak it all up. Every last second.
I didn't want to tell everyone how Labour was, or answer all the questions they had waiting for me. Not yet.... I told everyone close to me that I would let them know when we were ready, and they all accepted it.

It goes sooooo quickly! This amazing time that you won't get back. So take your time, stare at your baby for hours, get yourself feeling half human, don't worry about anyone else, other than your little family. It's so precious and people who love you will understand that.
Hope this helps ♥️

Currently me. Gave birth 16 days ago spent 11 days in hospital and baby was taken to special care after emergency section. Had parents round and a few very close family members (siblings) wouldn't want anyone else yet. Enjoying time with my husband and our little girl and settling dog too. Its time we only get once everyone else can meet her whenever and when were ready, dont care what people think either! Do what's right for you x

I just said 'we are really tired but happy and are just enjoying our little bubble at the moment. Will text when we're ready for visits!' With a smiley!

I would also say it's all very well for people to get lofty about how you should just enjoy the visitors but I had similar experience to pp with agony feeding, bleeding nipples, various professionals coming over to grab my boobs etc and anyone else being there would have made it so much more stressful. I also wanted to just bond as a family with our older children and not have their lives dominated by people coming to coo over the baby. I think being able to sleep etc whenever you want/are able to is really important in those first few weeks too.

Congratulations xJune88 😊❤️

Thanks all, the first few responses panicked me a little but these last few have reassured me! I may be so over the moon that I want a million visitors but I’m pretty sure I know myself well enough to know that I’ll want to take my time and calmly start adjusting.

Great to hear your experiences

Just have a cheery message ready: "Looking forward to you meeting him/her! Just finding our feet at the moment but will let you know as soon as we're fit for visitors!" And keep sending/saying that to anyone who's persistent. I was very keen to keep control of who turned up - like you, I didn't want to be overwhelmed by people while I was trying to figure out the baby! In the event, I was quite keen to show her off so we invited a few people to the hospital (I was in a few days) and it was nice. But don't be afraid to put people off if that's what you'd prefer! We're fortunate to have family and friends who will help themselves to tea etc, and take the hint and piss off if you're starting to get overwhelmed. So it was fairly easy. But I'd have been a bit stricter if we had less helpful relatives and there's nothing wrong with that!

Only on mumsnet have I heard of people not letting people see there newborn babies

My close family would of been gutted too of waited two weeks and I was so excited for them to meet at dd

Perhaps you live close to your families, Emma. Many of us live in a different country to ours, so it's not a matter of letting someone drop in to the hospital or for half an hour the day after you get home -- it's hosting parents who are not capable of getting around a big city without help, and who need to be either accommodated in our place for a week, or put up in a hotel and looked after. And the same for PIL.

I did say “close family” wasn’t really what I was referring to.

Changing the question slightly.... clearly the purpose is to meet the newborn baby... So what if the baby wants feeding while people are over? Do I have no choice but to feed in front of these people? And again, not close family, but the other visitors.

Genuinely asking! I don’t know how this works. I’ve only ever visited friends kids when they’re a few weeks old (deliberately).

It’s absolutely OK for you to tell people you need some time. With my first born I had visitors round 30 mins after we got home from the hospital. With my second, there was supposed to be DH mum visiting alone and she showed up with 6 other family members and this was 4 hours after I got out of the hospital. I burst out crying and they all turned on me asking why I didn’t want people visiting! I was just overwhelmed.

If I ever had another baby I would be letting everyone know PEOPLE NEED SPACE TO GET SETTLED!!

Good luck with your baby OP 😊

I'm similar to you op in that DP and I have quite a few siblings. With dc1 I felt under a lot of pressure to have visitors and had three en masse visits within the first week of the birth - it was too much for me and I wasn't going to let that happen the second time.

My advice is to be non-committal. Don't do the 'we want 3 weeks to bond as a family' fb/text thing as you'll be labelled precious (and it's so bloody twee anyway). Just say you'll arrange something after the birth/let them know when to visit etc and then when the baby is here you can respond to messages with 'I'm not up to visitors today/yes, please visit at 3.00pm' etc depending on how you feel.

I gave birth to dc2 in December. It was quite easy to avoid visitors as almost everyone who wanted to visit/their dcs were ill so I just said no you can't come. Some people hated DP and I for that but if they think it's rude to not be allowed to visit a newborn when they have a hacking cough or they have d&v bug in the house they can run and jump!

With regards to feeding, I breastfed so sometimes I fed on the sofa in front of everyone other times I said I was going upstairs and fed in peace. Just do what you want.

People can be very selfish where babies are concerned.

My advice is to dictate slots. I was in hospital for two days so my mum, dad and sister came for the first morning visit. They stayed about 30 mins. Then MIL and my two SILs came for the afternoon visit. They stayed longer.

We then had a big family get together at my mum’s the next week and got all the intros over with at once and Mum did all the cake and tea.

After that we were quite strict for a few months about it being afternoons only between 3 and 5. No admittance without bringing cake and making your own tea.

SILs grumbled about this but they have a bad habit of dropping round, ‘helpfully’ cooking and then buggering off to leave me to clean and discover they’ve used most of the food in the fridge.

You know your own family. It is ok to set some boundaries. I think it’s all part of becoming your own little family unit.