Anyone manage to keep visitors away after baby was born?

[curiositycreature]

Just that really! Looking for other people’s experiences of minimising visitors at first. How long for? How did people take it? What exceptions did you need to make?

OP I'm with you on this. My DH has a huge family. With our first they all descended on us in the first few weeks and I found it quite overwhelming. Sometimes I did have to sit there and bf in front of them. I was exhausted and also had a tear so wasn't too comfortable. As sweet and generous as some visitors were I found it quite intrusive. My DH also went out of his way to provide food and drinks which didn't seem right. I really didn't want a repeat of it with DC2 who was born last month.

As it turned out I had to be readmitted to hospital with an infection so DH told his family I needed time to rest. We've only had immediate family (still quite large) and a couple of close friends round. 4 weeks in and I'm ready for visitors to descend on us now, although it will be at times convenient for us.

I agree most people will understand if you send a message out after the birth. Probably better coming from your DH saying that you need some time to rest after the birth and he will let people know when ready for visitors.

With feeding, you could disappear to your room with the baby to feed (maybe not ideal if baby feeds for long periods) or would you consider expressing some milk and feeding by bottle when guests are there? With DC1 it was good practice for me to bf in public. I just made sure I covered up with a big shawl or nursing cover up. Hope it goes well for you!

We decided ahead of time to have a 'babymoon' (I think it's called!) our NCT teacher recommended it -a week of no visitors (after parents on both sides had met baby in hospital). We planned it thinking it will prepare everyone and then if all feeling ok post birth it'd just be a bonus if people then can come sooner.

I'm so grateful we did it! Trying to get hang of breastfeeding, the baby blues and starting the week with zero sleep for two nights (which I guess is pretty standard) meant I was very tearful and felt so much better the following week welcoming our visitors. Good luck whatever you decide!

When we had our second baby, I honestly felt great people came round first few days my mum stayed to visit I even went out to visit grandparents and friends but come a week after I was so sore and exhausted and ended up with a nasty infection in my womb, looking back I would of taken at least a week if not two weeks to just all bond as a family and not worry about telling me we want space we would like to have one more child and we will definitely be taking two weeks to just bond rest and heal.

Hello, I have been wondering the same thing. What is the polite way to put people off. Do I disconnect the doorbell and stick a note on the door? I don't think that would be a problem if it's nicely worded. We are in the countryside with an enormous family locally plus friends, neighbours etc who would not even consider asking to come round but would just rock up at any time of any day unannounced. I normally wouldn't mind but please not when I'm trying to sleep or sat with my boobs out trying to breastfeed.

Ignore the misery guts on here who think it's important to see the baby asap. It's not. God willing the little bugger will live several decades, so there's plenty of time. My father got in a strop with me for not visiting my sister for over a week after she had her daughter but as far as I was concerned she had people moithering left right and centre - leave the poor cow alone. She was not remotely bothered that I hadn't been round immediately, she had a baby to concentrate on. We are very close by the way (emotionally and geographically) which is probably why neither of us thought it was an issue.

Personally I am only able to take 2 weeks maternity leave so that time will be precious beyond words to me. If someone can't understand that and think their weird obsession with seeing a baby 10 minutes after you've got home is more important than your time to bond with your child then they are not worth knowing.

Like the original poster said, the question is more about how to put this politely but clearly to people so that everyone knows where they stand and everyone is happy.

These threads sadden me.

My girls were both premature and by the time they were ready for visitors the novelty of their births had worn off for everyone.

No one visited them.

Enjoy showing off your babies.

Sad to hear you didn’t have a good experience Sabbitha but I must confess, this confuses me further. If people don’t care about your babies if they can’t visit them straight away, then how genuine is their interest? I don’t really want to entertain any guests simply because a newborn is a novelty.

Yes you feed in front of them... Why wouldn't you?!

Honestly you're overthinking this. No one will care.

I never really thought about it like that.

Surprised how many people don't know that so many parents don't have visitors for a good 2 weeks after birth. Even my midwives produced a sign to put on your door.
I personally needed to heal from birth and what about bleeding, resting, establishing breastfeeding, or simply bonding and enjoying family time.
I find it so crappy that people NEED to see newborns and once the novelty runs off that's it.
Everyone seems obsessed with cuddling newborns 🙄

We didn't even have to tell people, most people knew, at least young parents do.

@waterandmilk thank you!

This...

I personally needed to heal from birth and what about bleeding, resting, establishing breastfeeding, or simply bonding and enjoying family time.

...is what I think I will want (or need!!) But I was worried I was being a bit precious/ungrateful/antisocial.

I’m clearly not the only one going by some of these replies so I’m definitely feeling more confident to tell people to wait.

It’s ironic, because the ones who know to wait and will happily do so are probably the ones who would be painless guests. Whereas the people more likely to expect they can visit straight away / potentially just show up / outstay their welcome are probably the visitors I don’t really want for a bit 😬

@curiositycreature you are right. I find it such a hypocrisy that people are forever posting quotes on social media about supporting new mums and mental health etc.
I suffered from antenatal depression and guess what was the advice from my MH visitor, midwives and every single professional I saw?

To take that time to bond and invite people when ready.
Friends would drop food on the steps and leave, without a noise, people gave us much needed space and time. Those are the people you want in your life.

I am pregnant again and will do the same.

I didn't minimise visitors and wish I had. So many stay for ages and talk amongst themselves, it's so intrusiive. I think people should leave it for a while and then drop in one at a time, phoning first of course, and not staying long. It's a pain.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.momtastic.com/parenting/488129-9-reasons-never-house-guests-right-baby/amp/

www.essentialbaby.com.au/birth/options/birth-plan/5-reasons-to-say-no-to-visitors-in-the-first-24-hours-after-birth-20171122-gzr4lp

So weird people have not heard about this. Surely not new / recent mums then.

It is also the ultimate form of treating women like lesser beings.
As in oh she has just given birth FFS, have respect

The best thing to do is see how you feel after baby comes.

You might want to get visits "out of the way" early on and then know you can relax. Or you might be glad of the break and help having visitors gives you.

My mum and dad used to pop in with our permission for short frequent visits in the first few weeks to let us nap or take showers or eat a hot meal etc.