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Original poster

Son had a testes removed

47 replies

iamsosad · 30/05/2019 18:53

My son had one of his testicle removed last week. He is nearly a year old - it had never descended and was twisted and shrivelled in the groin.

He is otherwise very healthy.

Everyone is upbeat about this, my husband does not care. The main thing is that he is healthy and will be fine.

I have no idea why but I am absolutely heartbroken about it - I can’t verbalise what it is which makes me so unbearably sad for him and I have no where else to express it because everyone is just smiling and saying it’s ok! It’s ok but it’s not ok!

I suppose I just wanted to get that out of me

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

user1498572889 · 30/05/2019 20:39

Of course it’s not ok. No one wants their child to go through any operation especially to such a fundamental part of their anatomy. But it will be ok. I knew a couple of boys who had to have a testicle removed when they were young. They were never embarrassed about it and it had no effect on their fertility as they are both fathers now. Allow yourself to be upset then move on. He and you will be “fine”

Original poster

iamsosad · 30/05/2019 20:58

Thank you - I really appreciate everything about your message. The acknowledgement and also the positive stories.

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sar302 · 30/05/2019 21:12

They're so perfect when they're born I think. So sort of brand new and untouched. And then life starts to impact them and you can't stop it. It's a big thing to happen, and you're allowed to fell sad for a while, even if no one else does x

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newyeardelurker · 30/05/2019 21:16

Also know someone who had this, it doesn't affect fertility and it's important to do, his wasn't picked up until 16 when it was removed. Obviously it's hard to see your baby operated on, take the time you need to adjust. X

Aquamarine1029 · 30/05/2019 21:24

Of course you're upset! When something serious happens to our children it is such a trauma. That said, your boy truly will be just fine. I know two men who had a testicle removed as children and both of them are doing brilliantly with families of their own now. You will feel rough for a while, but you will get through this.

gubbsywubbsy · 30/05/2019 21:26

Can't he get a implant ? Then no one would know .. I do think you may need to get s grip though ( and I say that kindly ) because it doesn't matter as long as he is healthy.

Original poster

iamsosad · 30/05/2019 21:29

Can't he get a implant

This isn’t really the point though. It’s not about that. And ideally I wouldn’t really want him to want an implant anyway, because I wouldn’t want him to feel the need.

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Peachesandcream14 · 30/05/2019 21:31

I knew a guy in my teens who had a testicle removed as a child, he got a prosthetic when he was older. He was very open about it and never embarrassed. It will seem a huge deal now because your little boy is so tiny, but it in all likelyhood won't affect his life a great deal.

ReganSomerset · 30/05/2019 21:33

They're so perfect when they're born I think. So sort of brand new and untouched. And then life starts to impact them and you can't stop it.

Very well expressed. I felt just this way with chickenpox scarring.

Justgivemesomepeace · 30/05/2019 21:35

Totally understandable that you're upset. Your little son has had an operation and its traumatic for any parent. However your son is so little and will grow up with this being normal to him, and one testicle does the job just fine!
My ex only had one, totally un embarrassed about it and has 2 lovely kids. All will be well.

ChequersDog · 30/05/2019 21:38

My toddler DD had an operation recently and something about that little scar on her perfect body is so sad! I think it’s normal to be upset at even small medical things for tiny children.

bobisbored · 30/05/2019 21:42

My DS was born with only one testicle, he had an op to locate the undescended one but they couldn't find it. He's 15 now and has decided to get an implant as he is self-conscious about it. I understand your upset. We were told his fertility would not be affected.

Longlostperson · 30/05/2019 21:44

My brother had one testicle removed around that age too. He had two very healthy boys at 40. Didn’t effect him in any way in his life.
But of course he’s your baby and you’re understandably upset.

Waterlemon · 30/05/2019 21:45

DH lost one of his when he was entering his teens. But it’s never been an issue and we now have 2 gorgeous DC.

But @sar302 has really hit the nail on the head!

adviceplease88 · 30/05/2019 21:46

Obviously you will be upset! He won't remember anything but you will ❤️ it's scary and upsetting, but you say he's healthy so that's great. Person saying for U to get a grip the day your son has had an operation clearly doesn't understand how you feel and what it was like. So don't listen to that, you can feel how you want !x

ElfishBiatch · 30/05/2019 22:04

I am very sorry this has happened to your son, and to you. My son had to have an operation and nearly lost a testicle at a few months old. It was 6 months before we knew that the testicle had actually survived. It was an extremely anxious time for us and we were devastated at the possibility.

You do not need to get a grip, what an awful thing someone has said to you above.

The thoughts I had were 1) to be very vigilant for any risk to the other testicle (eg get any inconsolable crying checked out urgently by a medical professional for the possibility of testicular torsion or a strangulated hernia), 2) to think about avoiding contact sports in the future, 3) to consider options for sperm storage and implants when he was older. It didn’t actually happen to my son so I didn’t follow through on my thoughts on any of these things but I wanted to share them with you.

My other child has a cosmetic genital abnormality and, although this shouldn’t have an impact on his fertility, I am worried about he will feel about it in the future. I want to help him to feel comfortable about it but also to feel able to discuss the possible future treatment options with us but it is a tricky topic for a mother to navigate with a son. The thought of him feeling self conscious or being teased makes me feel very sad.

I’m sorry I don’t have any answers for you, but you are not alone in how you feel.

Original poster

iamsosad · 30/05/2019 22:17

Thank you for all of the wonderful comments and support - I really needed to hear all of that ❤️

Thankfully the other one has been fixed into place so there’s no risk of it twisting also.

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Original poster

iamsosad · 31/05/2019 06:06

ElfishBiatch

I am sorry to hear about the difficulty you are facing - I don’t know the specifics but it’s very painful to imagine a scenario where our children will be sad or self-conscious or fragile due to something like this. It sounds like you have really thought things through and are very organised though. And I think that can only help. I am desperate to find the right way to tell my son so he doesn’t develop a complex and I’m sure you are the same way.

bobisbored

What is it that made your son self conscious, if you don’t mind my asking? Was he teased at all? Or is it just how it is? What age did you tell him about it?

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Original poster

iamsosad · 31/05/2019 06:07

Waterlemon

Did you meet him when he only had the one? Did it ever bother you? Did you realise by yourself or did he tell you?

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FenellaMaxwell · 31/05/2019 06:19

There’s a lot of guilt involved too - you made this tiny, perfect little person, and then you feel like you’ve let them down because you didn’t make them quite right. It’s a very weird but entirely normal feeling.

Loopytiles · 31/05/2019 06:24

What about what’s happened is still upsetting you?

Him having had pain and an operation?

Concern he may feel self conscious or hear negative comments from other people?

Original poster

iamsosad · 31/05/2019 06:26

FenellaMaxwell

YES! That’s exactly how I feel. And, as Sar302 said; the idea that he is no longer perfect. I also find myself feeling sorry him him which I absolutely hate.

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Original poster

iamsosad · 31/05/2019 06:26

*sorryforhim

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FenellaMaxwell · 31/05/2019 06:29

My son has a heart defect and I’ve spent 2 years feeling guilty even though I know that rationally it’s nothing I did. The thing I realise now though is that he’s still perfect - if there wasn’t that little part of him made slightly differently then perhaps he wouldn’t be him.

Original poster

iamsosad · 31/05/2019 06:30

Loopytiles

It’s a combination of things. He reacted poorly to the surgery so there were some terrifying hours afterwards, and that has perhaps created some trauma for me. Even without that, seeing him put to sleep etc was the worst moment of my life. The day itself was just the worst day of my life.

But I think it’s more to do with a part of my son being removed forever, and the feeling that he is not “normal” perhaps, or that it’s not what i would choose for him.

And also the shame in myself for feeling any of these things at all. But I am feeling them for me and also on his behalf - of course I do not want him to ever feel anything negative about this; and I am anxious about that too.

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