When my first son was born I was told he had a hydrocele in one of his testicles (a collection of fluid) and that it would naturally drain itself. I was told though that if by the time my son was 18 months old the hydrocele hadn't disappeared then he should be referred to the hospital in case he needed surgery.
His scrotum always looked a little unusual but I just thought it was the hydrocele and waited for it to disappear. However, at 18 months the scrotum still looked 'odd' on one side so he got referred to a hospital for an ultrasound scan in order to see how much fluid was in there to determine whether he needed an operation.
The scan took ages and I knew that something was wrong. I was told at the end of it that my son didn't have a hydrocele at all and the reason his scrotum looked misshaped was in fact because he only had one testicle. I was absolutely god smacked. The sonographer told me he'd extensively searched around the kidneys to see if he could find the missing testicle but he hadn't been able to visualise it.
When I left the scanning room I burst into tears. I was so, so upset and I was blaming myself for it. Some of my family members were as upset as I was about it whereas my husband took it all in his stride.
Just before my son was two he had to go for an exploratory procedure to see if the missing testicle could be located and also if it was possible to bring it back down into the scrotum. He was in surgery for two hours and when the surgeon came to see me he told me that they'd found the missing testicle but it was so damaged that they'd had no choice but to remove it. I was heartbroken.
For a very long time I tortured myself about how my son's future would be....being bullied at school, having no confidence to enter relationships with girls, being infertile etc etc and it played on my mind all the time.
My husband told me I was being silly and that compared to all the other horrendous illnesses a child could be diagnosed with then a missing testicle was hardly something to get so upset about. I knew he was right but I felt so sad for my son.
From as young as we thought he was old enough to understand, maybe at about three years old, we were completely open about the fact that most boys have two testicles but he only has one because one of them got poorly and had to be taken out in the hospital.
He's 5 now and isn't bothered at all by the fact that he only has one testicle and talks openly about it. To look at him, cosmetically it is obvious he only has one testicle but his surgeon said that when he enters puberty and the remaining testicle starts to grow then it will likely fill the space in the scrotum and things wont look quite so unbalanced.
The surgeon said that men will be offered an implant once they hit 18 years of age but most of them decline because they don't feel the need to have a false one put in.
I'm hoping that by being open and honest with our son about it makes him realise that its nothing to be ashamed about and so hopefully give him the confidence to stand up to any negativity he gets in the future about it.
I can honestly say that I don't feel bad about it anymore or guilty, and I don't feel sorry for my son either because its just who he is.
Take some time to come to terms with it because it is something upsetting to have to deal with.