SIL doesn't respect that I am teaching my 2.5 year old privacy whilst nappy changing

[Dee2B]

Hi all.
So recently I have started teaching my 2.5year old daughter that her private parts cannot be seen by others. She is very well aware as a2.5 year old and I am teaching this as a part of her pre-potty training.

So I now consciously change her nappy away from others (this has now come to attention to my in laws as I hesitate whenever they suggest me to change her in the living room where everyone is sitting around).

I have clarified to my SIL that I am teaching her privacy of nappy changing , but this seems to have made her challange me that she should have the right to change my daughters nappy (as she insists to change it when she sees it being full).

I feel furious because when her daughters were babies she would cover their private parts up whenever I passed by. And now that her daughter is 7 years old, she said to me just follow her to the toilet but don't go inside!. -I couldn't help to roll my eyes, because as much as I care of my own daughters privacy, I respect my nieces' too.

Now, what shall I do/ respond to clarify that this is my way of parenting and she needs to stay clear without involving my husband who would not get involve anyway.

Teaching your child privacy will not protect her from sexual assault if you don't report the offender.

@TwllBach Absolutely agree with your post.
When I was in the presence of that uncle, my 7 year old niece was there too. My gut feeling tells me that she has been taught to stay away from him by my SIL. Only after I saw when he wanted to help my niece put her jacket on, and she totally refused by a big NO and walked to the other side of the room.

Maybe me and my SIL is in the same boat.

Family issues are a lill complicated at the moment and I don't want IL's to be aware regarding this, as reporting him could lead fingers being pointed at me (especially now that I have got back in contact with them!).

But defo getting this reported

The one important reason I am in contact with them is for the sake of my kids. Plus having communication puts me at an advantage of always being around my kids when they are at my IL's

@Mummyoflittledragon it is honestly my biggest fear, to raise a DS that is disrespectful to women and plays along with the rape culture we have in this country. I want to raise a man that is strong enough to say 'that isn't funny' to rape jokes etc.

I think it's so victim blamey for society to tell us to raise strong girls, rather than to teach parents to talk explicitly about the responsibility of (generally) men to check for enthusiastic consent.

Dee2B you need to be limiting contact with this man.

Make up excuses if you must about avoiding the house where he lives.

This is for the sake of your children. If you greatly limit contact you will not have to be there and vigilant.

What plans do you have for reporting this man?

He comes to visit DH's grandparents house, mostly in the evenings. Yes I avoid going there , if I do, then it's with DH and early afternoon (that uncle tends to leave the house knowing my husband is aware). I don't want my DD to even have to see him ever again. It's heartbreaking each time I think about this.

Thinking of informing the GP and Police.

Yes the society will always have that side, but both boys and girls have to be made strong so they are assertive of their boundaries and respect others'.

Please report to the police before he gets a chance to do it to any other child.

My neices and nephews did start learning about toileting privacy and good touch / bad touch from their nurseries from about 2, but it centred more about what the child feels and doesn’t feel comfortable with and the ‘nappy zone’.

Regarding the uncle - if you are in doubt about his motives to your dd then stop leaving your dd alone anywhere he visits.

Talk to your GP - that way you can get a referral for counselling too.

I would really be inclined to cut out visits altogether unless absolutely necessary (life or death situations).

Teaching your daughter privacy before you have even reported the offender. Surely this should be the other way round?