Being a bridesmaid with a newborn

[Esmee89]

Hi!

Just wanted to see if anyone has any advice for me! I'm 37 weeks pregnant at the moment and I'm due to be a bridesmaid end of June. The baby will definitely be out by then but worst case scenario (if we get to 42 weeks) she would be born one week before the wedding.

The bride has been lovely about the dress and has let me and the other bridesmaid get what we want - I've opted for a wrap dress so it can be adjusted depending on what size I am and also easy access for feeding! I'm also going to ask a mobile hairdresser to come to my house that morning to do my hair before I take the baby (and husband!) to the brides house to finish getting ready and travel to the church. My husband is going to be on hand at the church to sit at the back with the baby while I walk down the aisle and then I'll loop round to the back so I can pop out and feed her when needed!

Just wanted to see if anyone has been in this situation before and has any further tips or tricks for me on the day? I know it depends on a few things (i.e. if I have a c section and how my baby is) but any general advice would be great!

(Also as an additional note I have done loads of wedding prep and bridesmaid duties ahead of the day and the bride has 2 young kids of her own so I don't think there'll be loads of pressure for me to be running about doing too much on the day!)

Thanks

If the baby is only a couple of weeks old it won't have had any vaccinations. Personally I wouldn't take a newborn to a large gathering like a wedding, and I'm usually very relaxed about germs and suchlike.

I doubt you'll feel up to being a bridesmaid with a newborn either. You'll have leaky boobs, possibly still trying to establish bf. You'll be knackered. You may have a Caesarian scar, or have other birth related injuries that will make you feel shit (I had an abscess and had to have it drained under GA when DD was a few weeks old).

Heratnumber7 thank you for your honest feedback. Me being a total newbie at all this I hadn't thought a lot about the fact this will be before her vaccinations.. I don't know if this makes it better but this is a small wedding (less than 50 people). I'd be happy to keep her away from people as well and perhaps we could slip away just after dinner to minimise her time in an enclosed space with people?

I’ve never taken a newborn to a wedding but planning on taking my daughter (who will be 6 weeks by then) to a wedding in June before she’s had jabs. I’m just not going to be passing her around and will have hand gel on me so if people want a quick cuddle they can use that.

You might have already thought of this but as well as a pram you could also practise having your baby in a sling/wrap? Especially is super little still when you go. It means you can be hands free for food/drink if she is a cuddly clingy baby ☺️

In terms of leaky boobs - I got some great, very thin but very absorbent pads from Amazon called Naturebond which might be worth stocking up on!

I’d be prepared for the fact that, at potentially 1 week old, you might not be able to do it. That simply being on your feet that much might be beyond you. I could have done it with DC 2, possibly with DC3 if push came to shove, but not a hope with DC1.

Take a cushion to sit on in church. Wooden pews + battered undercarriage = very unforgiving!

Hi op, not trying to be negative but I'm afraid it doesn't sound very realistic that you or the baby will be attending the wedding.

I had a very straightforward labour and delivery but still felt like I'd been hit by a bus after the birth! I spent the first week postpartum living in PJs, having food and drink brought to me, having as much paracetamol and ibuprofen as safely possible every day and trying to establish feeding (which involves being awake every few hours around the clock for the first few weeks). On top of that I had a tear which made sitting down painful and going for a wee stung for the first ten days or so. Also women bleed for up to 6 weeks after giving birth. For me it was 5 and the first 2 weeks were very heavy. For the first couple of weeks I lived in especially bought lounge wear that I didn't mind getting blood or breast milk stains on.

I find it hard to imagine being comfortable being a bridesmaid while managing all that bleeding, pain and sleep deprivation! At one week after giving birth I think we focused on very short trips out that were within our town to ease me into things - popping to boots etc.

We were meant to attend a wedding when the baby was one month old but declined as we simply didn't feel ready. It would've been a lot for the baby to take in and it takes about 6 weeks to recover from childbirth (on average).

I'm really sorry to sound negative but I'm honestly trying to be realistic so that you don't get such a huge shock! Try to prepare yourself for life postpartum by stocking up on laxatives (to help with your first poo), pain killers, comfy clothes and ready meals / batch cooked freezer food.

Good luck with everything

I took a 6 week old to a wedding pre jabs and it was fine. She slept most of it which made life easier! I was a guest though rather than a bridesmaid. Good luck, hope you get to enjoy it!

Obviously other posters have said for them it wouldn’t have been possible but just to add some balance, for me it would have been...even at one week postpartum (and you might be 3 or 4 weeks!). It wouldn’t have been the most fun wedding ever for me but I’d have managed, especially with husband there. I didn’t bleed that heavily, I had a second degree tear but it was fairly painless after a week. I was up and visiting people and going in to town and so on after 4 days.

Don’t expect to stay long and don’t expect to look your best! If you are breast feeding expect to spend lots of time feeding. I think you need to ensure the bride understands there’s a chance you might not be there - other posters could be right that it’s just not possible. But presumably, as a mother of two and knowing your due date, she probably knows this already.

I just took my baby to a wedding at 6 weeks and it was absolutely fine.

Thanks everyone this is so helpful! I don't think anyone is being particularly negative this is totally why I wanted to ask as I know I have no idea what it's going to be like! I do think if she was 2 weeks overdue (and 1 week old on the day) that would be a game changer and I'd need to rethink how much of the day I feel able to do! I do want to be there for at least the church and photos though as this is my oldest friend and I know it would go down like a lead balloon if I wasn't there at all!

Hand sanitiser, cushion and breast pads - I am all over this thank you! We also have a carrier - that's a good idea to bring that along if she does need to be attached at all times!

We also know someone who has an airbnb 2 doors away from the venue and this advice is making me think it'd definitely be a good idea to have a base within walking distance in case we wanted some space or I ended up leaking on myself

I was still in hospital at that point.

The jabs are a non issue IMO as baby will still have immunity from you, esp if you’re bf. I would be very honest with yourself about what you can handle when the time comes. In a similar situation I ended up in hospital with an infection and I suspect I pushed myself a little too hard. (All fine since btw!) Fingers crosses for a straightforward delivery and that you feel well enough to attend.

You might be fine, if baby is 3 weeks old the worst of the bleeding and pain may well be over, and you should be getting to grips with breastfeeding.
I definitely think taking a sling is a good idea as baby is likely to be more settled if worn against you, and it prevents random people insisting on a cuddle. The air bnb sounds like a good plan, just to give you somewhere to escape for a rest/place to change underwear/breast pads etc if necessary. Good luck!

Everyone is different but I have two DS's and I wouldn't have physically been able (or mentally with DS1) to do this until at least a month after I gave birth. Ideally I would have preferred 2 months! 6 weeks might have been just about manageable.

Giving birth can be like being hit by a hurricane and for a few weeks hormones can make simple tasks feel as if you are climbing a mountain!

Went to a wedding as a guest with DD when she was 3 weeks. I must admit I didn't realise how tired I would be but we did the ceremony, meal and speeches and lasted an hour for the disco.

It really depends on how you are feeling, small babies are very portable. I wouldn't worry too much about the baby not having had any injections, I actually found people are not that keen on holding tiny babies, they seem a bit scared of them!

I'd be doing everything to get that baby out pronto OP!

I bled heavily for weeks so you might need to make sure you've got a good stash of pads with you if that happens. Cushion is a good shout too. I still looked hugely pregnant for weeks after so just be prepared for people asking you when you're due even if you're stood with your baby. And take lots of tissues, I cried every day for weeks (big ugly sobs), thanks hormones!

I was a bridesmaid 2 weeks after having DS2. Apart from leaky boobs during the speech's it was all fine! Don't put your self under any pressure to stay too long if you don't feel up to it. Sounds like the bride is the understanding type and will go with the flow.

Thanks all! Also it's reassuring hearing those of you who have gone to weddings within weeks of your babies being born! I want to try and do it but also appreciate I can't put too much pressure on myself if things are too difficult at the time!

Also absolutely trying to get her out of me sooner rather than later - eating all of the dates and doing all of the walking

I would have been fine at a week PP as everyone is different. I had a difficult long labour, a spinal forceps and a lot stitches.
I was up and about as soon as I could at footie watching my my DSS on day 3 and getting out as much as I could.
I bled but not crazy heavy...

I am due in sept with DC2 and we’ve booked to go on holiday in November when DC2 will be either 6-8 weeks old..... people say we are crazy but I think we will be ok. And if not I’ll just be shattered abroad in nice weather!!

I could not have done it with ds, I couldn't have stood or sat for a wedding.
He was 10 days old on Christmas day, and I only made it half way through Christmas dinner (not a long drawn out dinner either) before I had to retire to the sofa.

But with dc3, at 3 weeks we went to London to Natural History museum with 5 year old, 2 year old and baby in a sling - drove to friends, tube into town, all round museum etc, and double decker bus home. I was MAD but we were all fine.

So really, really depends on the birth and the baby. Just be prepared that you may not be able to do it, or at least may not be able to do all of it.

Pppppppp1234 hahaha that is exactly my way of thinking!!

Oh and with all 3 of mine, we travelled to visit relatives in Holland at 5 weeks, and then flew from UK to central asia at 8 weeks, after first jabs, babies can be as portable as you like, the restriction for us was me and my health rather than the baby.
(bloody great tear and stitches etc etc)

I had a c section and at one week I was at home having been in hospital for two nights. I personally wouldn't have been up to it at all but every single circumstance is different. I think the best thing you can do is fully explain to your friend you have every intention to be there but the worst case scenario is two weeks overdue and a c section. If you're breastfeeding too (and have a similar experience to me) you'll have leaky boobs and a baby that wants to be on them all the time! I truly hope you make it but from my experience it's unrealistic

Yeah I think I've been focusing on being positive but it's good for me to think more realistically so I can be better prepared if things don't go to plan or (as much as I hate to say it) we end up at 42 weeks i know she will come when she's ready and all I can do is have every intention of going and see how things are at the time! Thanks again for all the advice!

Make sure to take a change of clothes for baby, yourself and your OH. You never know when or where a projectile vomit or poonami may hit!

I was a BM when DS was 8 weeks old and I had a planned c section. It was fine, I didn't do much bridesmaiding but DS mainly slept and was held by me or DH. It was a family wedding so I had my parents to help out which was a huge help.

I was a bridesmaid with a 3 week old in tow, it was actually fine! My dress was not breastfeeding friendly which made things pretty tricky and she did an explosive poo during the speeches but apart from that it was OK! The bride sounds very understanding so just do as much (if any) as you feel comfortable with. I don't think you can really make a decision until few days before. Good luck and congratulations!