Being a bridesmaid with a newborn

[Esmee89]

Hi!

Just wanted to see if anyone has any advice for me! I'm 37 weeks pregnant at the moment and I'm due to be a bridesmaid end of June. The baby will definitely be out by then but worst case scenario (if we get to 42 weeks) she would be born one week before the wedding.

The bride has been lovely about the dress and has let me and the other bridesmaid get what we want - I've opted for a wrap dress so it can be adjusted depending on what size I am and also easy access for feeding! I'm also going to ask a mobile hairdresser to come to my house that morning to do my hair before I take the baby (and husband!) to the brides house to finish getting ready and travel to the church. My husband is going to be on hand at the church to sit at the back with the baby while I walk down the aisle and then I'll loop round to the back so I can pop out and feed her when needed!

Just wanted to see if anyone has been in this situation before and has any further tips or tricks for me on the day? I know it depends on a few things (i.e. if I have a c section and how my baby is) but any general advice would be great!

(Also as an additional note I have done loads of wedding prep and bridesmaid duties ahead of the day and the bride has 2 young kids of her own so I don't think there'll be loads of pressure for me to be running about doing too much on the day!)

Thanks

I've done exactly this!

MOH at my friends wedding, baby was one week old exactly and I'd had an emergency c section! Baby was overdue too so we were very much winging it with arrival date and how things would be and obviously didn't expect to get my belly chopped about (I'd wanted a Hypnobirthing water birth!)

How we did it was that me, DH and baby went to brides house as normal to get ready in the morning. Meant I could feed whilst having my hair etc done, DH could take baby as needed (my friend didn't care at all about him being there on the periphery), my mate got to have all her BMs there and I didn't miss out.

DH then took baby to ceremony location, and I travelled in the car with Bride. At the ceremony, my parents met my DH and took baby. They were outside with baby for the ceremony (either outside outside as it was nice weather or in a comfy room at the venue). I think it would've been really disruptive to have such a tiny baby in the vows part and it's usually pretty short so baby was fine with parents and fed before I left and after ceremony finished.

After ceremony they were there with baby outside and we and our friends were with them/baby, fed as necessary (bf), close friends had a cuddle and cooed over baby.

Then when it was time for the reception -speeches, meal etc I left baby and parents in the side room and took part in the wedding. Popping back regularly between the different parts. Had a nice glass of fizz and a lovely time.

Then me and DH left part way through the evening do with baby, and parents went home too. By that point I was really tired, mostly because I'd had a week of very little sleep and was still the size of a bus. The EMCS actually was very little of the issue for me personally. But it was totally worth it to see my friend get married.

Clothing wise I had a stretchy wrap dress that was adjustable and I had it altered before and some poppers put in for easy feeding access and so it didn't fall down off my mammoth wangers. I was still huge. I wore breastpads and probably a sanitary pad I imagine and didn't have any issues with leaks from anywhere!

As far as vaccinations goes, unless you think your child is likely to catch one of the diseases that they get vaccinated against then it makes naff all difference. Vaccinations don't protect against colds! Your baby will catch all sorts of things as they get older irreverent of jabs. Yes new babies might be a bit more fragile but you don't have to do a receiving line with everyone kissing and hugging your baby.

I think for me the biggest issue is if you have the baby with you, even if the baby is in the same room and with your DH but not you, then it's very hard not to be totally focused on the baby and either resent having to be in the wedding and not on the sofa cuddling your baby or just zone out of the wedding and miss it because you're in sleep deprived baby loving dream land. Plus wedding receptions tend to be a bit noisy post speeches and drunken so not especially baby friendly. I can't emphasise enough how helpful it was to have my parents who I trusted completely to be there in the sidelines with me able to go backwards and forwards knowing baby was safe and seconds away but also that in the wedding I could give my focus to my friend on her special day. Baby was in a nice warm quiet location and completely unphased by it all - they slept through most of the day! My friend was totally accommodating and if I'd said I can't come at the last minute or I need to do it like this or that, she would've said absolutely, do what you need to do (it's easier if the bride has kids and understands!)

The rest was the easy bit for me. I'm so glad I was there and no matter how swollen and pregnant I looked in the photos, it worked out just amazingly. And as an added bonus we have some great memories and very sweet pictures of our tiny baby at the wedding with our close friends.

I hope it works out for you as well as it did for us whatever you decide is right for you and your baby x

TL:DR @Esmee89

Ear defenders!!! Ems for kids can used under 6 months. It's amazing how loud it can get with alot of people in one room

You mention that it would go down like a lead balloon if you can’t make it - please remember that you will just have had a baby. Your friend may well want you to be there, but having an attitude if you don’t is cruel.
Fingers crossed you have a fantastic birth etc but, no matter what you have just given birth and have a newborn. You are priority and if you don’t feel up to it you have the confidence to say you won’t be there. Until the day before or even the day you don’t know how you will feel.
Hope everything goes well!

As long as you and bride are prepared to be flexible and accept that it might not be possible if you have baby at 42weeks by csection I think that's ok.

My sister had her newborn at my small wedding. She didn't get handed around but my sister and brother in law were bought lots of drinks and generally looked after!

I don't think you'll know till the actual week of the wedding if its going to work.

The jabs are a non issue IMO as baby will still have immunity from you, esp if you’re bf

That's assuming you actually have immunity yourself of course.

Took my two-week old to a wedding and a week later took him to another wedding. Both small weddings, very close friends, not a bridesmaid but DH was best man at one of them.

This was after a c-section but he was my third so I was a bit more gung-ho about things and with two other kids I had to be relatively up and about and sorted after his birth.

There was someone trying to be helpful at one wedding, a complete stranger who kept picking him up or moving the buggy around, with comments like 'I think he's hungry, have you fed him?'.

I think in some ways it's a lot easier than taking a six-month or older to a wedding.

I was in the exact same situation. Really didn’t know what to do, but decided that I really didn’t want to let my friend down. I had ended up having an emergency c section, and my daughter was just a month old when I was a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding. It was amazing though! It was so lovely to get out of the house, and to get dressed up and to feel human again. We left just after the first dance. Everyone’s births are different though, but I was determined to get out and about as I felt so restricted at the end of my pregnancy. :-)

Oh gosh! You might manage okay at a few weeks pp but I hope for your sake it's not a week after! I was an utter mess for the first 13 days ... I had an episioyomoty and I could barely walk and it was a hint to sit down on anything other than my trusty ring cushion! I remember it starting to feel.much better st 13 days pp. But I also had a bqby who screamed for the first 2 months of his life (allergies, undiagnosed at the time) so that would have been a problem too. It depends on how you are feeling, how the birth went, and also how your babt is (health and personality). Not all newborns sleep all the time... my boy struggled to nap during the day after he was 9 days old! 🙄 Fingets xrossed itnall goes smoothly and you have a lovely time. Do be realistic and prepared for things like the pp bleeding though.

I'd have been fine - and I speak as someone with a newborn now, so not looking back with rose tinted specs.

I've had planned sections and have been largely fine by a week afterwards, though still on painkillers just in case. I might not have been the most energetic person on the dance floor, but the wedding, photos, meal and taking the reception slowly, sure...

I'd stopped bleeding by then, and my boobs have never leaked more than a very occasional drop. But even if bleeding, its just like a period, so who cares!

I'm combi feeding, but even with breastfeed it was only once every 2-3 hours for maybe 15-20 minutes.

Lots of women are still in pain, and the hormonal/emotional side of having a baby is really something, but I'd personally feel very optimistic about you being able to be bridesmaid.

I attended a wedding when my baby was 3 weeks old and it was 100% doable. I could have happily attended 1 week post partum (I had a straightforward birth and 'just' a 2nd degree tear), but realistically would have headed home much earlier.

Sounds like everyone is different. I guess you just won't know until you've had the baby! Good luck!

Hi OP, sorry late to the party but I was a bridesmaid in April when my baby was 4 weeks old.

Best advice I can give is to do what you said you are planning on doing in the morning eg getting as ready as possible at home then going to meet up with the brides and bridesmaids to finish off! It was a church wedding so I got to the church slightly early to give a big feed and my little one slept through the ceremony with my partner at the back (just incase he cried). Rest of the day was fine and kind of like normal with naps (we had his pram with his carry cot which he slept in throughout the day).
As he hasn’t had his jabs I was very fussy with who was able to hold/touch him only family or friends who I felt comfortable with, one or two people made comments but I kindly mentioned that 1. It was my baby and I shall do as I please and 2. If he gets poorly it’s me that has to deal with it!

If you are still sore after delivery or have stitches etc take a little pillow with you to sit on as chairs with little padding can be uncomfortable!

Hope it all goes okay for you!

Thanks again everyone this has been really helpful! Big feed just before church is definitely a good idea - again hoping she won't be too late so feeding will be more established but I know the little lady is going to come when she comes

Definitely now feel more prepared and that this can be do-able but also feel more ready to accept if things don't necessarily go to plan!

Also FYI I spoke to my midwife who told me that in terms of baby's vaccs she's said I'd be fine taking her to a wedding and even swimming before her injections if I wanted to. I get the impression different midwives say different things but thought I'd share this anyway!

Thanks again! X

I went ten days overdue and had a section. I found it all very overwhelming and was crying every day at some point for first two weeks, even with v good support from family and a pretty chilled out baby. I just felt very emotional and fragile in myself. I remember at 8 days old having to go out to the doctors as she got a gunky eye - the docs was literally just across the road, but I felt like it was a huge expedition and really needed a rest after! I don’t think I could have managed a wedding, but as others have said we all have different experiences.

Also my milk supply didn’t come in until 5 days after she was born and she lost a lot of her birthweight so for the first couple of weeks I was feeding her almost every hour to two hours, around the clock, to get her weight up. It was a full time job, I couldn’t have managed anything else I don’t think!