Mum guilt - it's a thing, right?

[Indecisivelurcher]

My current 'mum guilt' is about giving my 4.5yo Dd melatonin. We've been struggling with her sleep for a year and have tried everything in the book. We've even worked with a private sleep consultant. A typical night she'll go to sleep no problem then wake at 1:30am for around an hour, during which time she'll repeatedly call me into her room. Then she's up for the day at 5:30. On a bad night, she'll barely string 2hrs together. Thankfully we don't have too many of those, but her lack of sleep has started to affect her behaviour at preschool so we've now started a months trial of melatonin, prescribed by the doctor. The idea being to help her get over what's essentially being seen as a habit of waking.

I am feeling incredibly guilty about giving this to my Dd, even though its a natural hormone and not a drug as such. And even though I am happy that we've reached this point.

I think that it's pretty common to feel guilty about things when raising kids, Even the small things; you had a headache so let them watch too much TV; you took your eyes off them for a second and they face-planted. I call this mum/parenting guilt. I mentioned my mum guilt over the melatonin to Dh and he looked 😕 and didn't get it. Similar reaction from a few colleagues over lunch.

Mum guilt is a thing, right?!

Share your stories of mum guilt...?!

Also interested to hear if dad's get the parenting guilts? Or if anyone knows the science behind this?!

You cannot pour from an empty cup. Look after yourself first (by getting more sleep) and then you will be a better mum. Good luck with the sleep.

I went to half of sports day but after an hour I was bored, exhausted, unwell so gave DD a huge cuddle and scuttled off home. By that point I'd seen her do loads of stuff and taken photos. I bloody hate sports day. I refuse to feel guilty!

DS (8 but with ASD) was sat on the toilet upstairs yesterday and cried out. I was busy helping older DS with something and thought I’ll go up in a minute. When I got up he was still sat on the toilet but was having a nose bleed which he was carefully dripping onto the carpet. Avoiding his shorts etc. Unfortunately it just didn’t occur to him to use toilet paper or get up and put his head over the sink rather than the carpet. I did feel awfully guilty for not running upstairs immediately.

Dd had a fab time doing the vacuuming today 👍😉

Taswama You were helping someone else and a nosebleed is such an unusual thing so you couldn't have known but

I've never had it. What I do, I do because I have to (work) and is to benefit us both. If I needed a minute when she was younger because I was overwhelmed- I took it as it benefited us both. I've heard other people (like on this thread) talk about it, and always wondered what the hell was wrong with me that I do t have it. Still do wonder to be honest.

Aaaand she was up in the night. Balderdash.

Bollocks op. Might not be a regular thing?

I've just made an appt to see gp for my sons sleeping.....I'm expecting nothing but there's nowhere else for me to turn

@thinkgcapon fingers crossed, for both things! More than happy to keep chatting about this if you'd welcome the company. I don't know how to pm.

Hi op
I can't seem to send you a dm from my phone, but was just interested to hear how things are going at nighttime now after a week or so of the melatonin?
Hope you're hanging in there?! X

Hi @thinkingcapon... Tough one. I would say its changed things but not been a miracle. We are getting more sleep, but we are still having to try other things to help. In a way its helpful if it's just an aid, because she still needs to learn the skill of going back to sleep?! What we are trying is as follows. 1) Putting her to bed much later, (8pm was 6:30) to create more sleep drive, with a view to creeping this forward when he sleep has improved. 2) if (when) she wakes (which has been at more random times, they were often on the dot 1:30), what's helping is meditation /mindfulness type visualisations. I've just been making them up myself. But it seems to help keep things relaxed and help her drift off quicker. 3) We've set up a cd player with some audio books and gentle music and given her permission to turn that on at 5am herself. 4) We've changed the emphasis from expecting her to sleep, which I think was creating pressure and not helpful, to instead trying to get her to be more self sufficient (hard at 4yo) and not wake the rest of the house. We are rewarding not waking everyone up.

So I would say so far that melatonin has been an additional tool to try and get us out of a rut, but not a silver bullet.

I suppose fundamentally if you're getting more sleep then that takes the edge off slightly......I suppose I was just holding onto a magic wand moment for you!!

My niece was referred to he local sleep clinic at 4........but after starting Gaviscon that appointment was cancelled after it shortened the awake periods during the night.....

We've got to believe that this won't last forever , but we were awake from 0415 this morning and when you're in the midst of this it's very difficult to stay positive! We had a few 3am starts last week so could be worse

Sending you a virtual hug. I totally get it x

@thinkingcapon Dd slept through 2 nights in a row!!!! This is BIG!!....... Sods law, we are about to screw it up by going on holiday...

Bloody brilliant news

I did actually wonder how you were getting on?!

We had a terrible night where I was contemplating packing my bags. I just feel so broken and can't see much light

Going on holiday may not disrupt it. Be positive (unlike me!)

Take care x

I totally get what you mean. It has been over 11 months since Dd last slept through. And I think over 2yrs since I last had a full night. Just logically, it can't go on forever... But it's so hard. And so hard to be nice!!

@Indecisivelurcher
Hello, I often think of your thread .......we are still in hell but we have finally been referred to consultant at end of October x
Hope things have improved since you last posted x

Hi @thinkingcapon, how would I pm you?

The short version is that things did get better, but I am seeing a slide again.

Dd was up and down from 11:30 last night, and up solid from 2am the night before. I am in a depression today as I don't want us to end up where we were before.

Tell me about your situation?

Hi @Indecisivelurcher fuck I'm sorry, I was hoping you wouldn't say that.

I think we can only DM from the desktop version, not the app....want to try that? X