2 under 2, tips and tricks

[IABUQueen]

Hi,

I have a 15 months old and expecting a baby in few months time. I’m slightly dreading it and slightly excited for it.

My 15 year old is very active and demanding attention. I think he needs a siblings. He is breastfed still.

I am wondering whether anyone has tips and tricks on how to manage as DH works long hours and overtime, we are on a tight budget and I have no support around.

Sorry I was absent minded and sleepy, didn’t mean to post in AIBU! Will ask moderators to move it!

14 months between mine - my best tip is to survive as best you can for the first year, then it gets marginally easier.

Honestly it was insanely tough and I regretted it many times in that first year but it was eventually worth it. My greatest joy as a parent is watching them interact with each other - makes my heart soar.

Congrats OP, best of luck!

My DM had three under four, I've asked her plenty of times how she managed and she always says that you just find a way to manage.

She did say that a routine was massively important and prioritize things - you won't be able to get everything done but just as long as the important things are done then don't stress.

I have a 14 month age gap with two of mine, I found baby fitted into routine well and the best thing I ever did was getting them to nap at the same time. Gave me a well needed break and sometimes I napped also. Have an established routine and will work well. Mine are now super close it's lovely.

My 15 year old is very active and demanding attention. I think he needs a siblings. He is breastfed still.

That was meant to say 15 months not years !

Thanks everyone who replied. What sort of things did you do with your toddler in the build up for the birth to get them mentally ready ?

He will be 19 months when I give birth

Routine, routine, routine. Get them both onto a staggered bedtime and a rock solid simultaneous afternoon nap.

Also never blame the baby for not being able to do something that older siblings want to do. Always blame yourself. So we cant go to the park because Mummy has to tidy the kitchen, not because the baby is napping

I had 15 months between 1 and 2, then 12 months and a day between 2 and 3 (3 was born at 30 weeks), then I had no4 when 3 was 17 months. So 4 under 4.
Synchronising naps was key for me. I spent a lot of hours walking around with a double buggy and a sling to get them all sleeping at the same time. That really helped my sanity. My days were very routine and structured which isn’t naturally me but again it really helped that everyone knew what was going on.
And it was worth it. I love watching them now as teens who are close and enjoy each other’s company.

Honestly at that age I don’t think you can prepare them really, they are too little to really get it. And in a way that’s a good thing, they really don’t get it or care. So my trick was to really down play it. It’s just not a big deal, no big reveal no toys from the baby, I just made sure their world wasn’t really disrupted to much and the baby fit round them. I never had any sibling jealousy issues and I don’t know if that’s technique is why but it’s what I did.

You can’t prepare them. Fourteen months between my first two. I agree, synchronized afternoon naps are a godsend.

My older one was a little insecure and needed to know I loved her, so more cuddles and I held her until she fell asleep in the afternoon. The baby was in our room and husband slept in her room (she was still in a crib) for her to feel secure, and also so that he had uninterrupted sleep, as I was breastfeeding.

Every afternoon we put out baby in pram and go for a walk. DD1 would be in her balance bike or pushing her doll pram. By the time we got to the park (long way round) DD2 would be asleep and DD1 and I would have 30 minutes or so of running around, climbing etc without having the baby to hold as well.

We used to time a lot of activities around nap time... Or more accurately her naps fitted in with our activity schedule as she slept better outside in a moving pram!

Sling/carrier was an essential.

Baby wearing was a lifesaver for me. I could put babe up in a wrap then chase around after the other 2 (1 was 6 and the other just turned 2). Making time for the other children could sometimes be hard, but taking them to the park or sending them with Dad to do a super fun activity always went down well. Routine was massively important, the toddler didn't understand why her baby brother got to stay up past her bedtime so that caused a few upsets It's tiring, it's sometimes super frustrating but you get through it. My children are now 18 months, 3 and 8 and we're all nicely settled into a good routine.

Good luck

I'm pregnant with my second and have an 11 month old, the will be 17 months between them. I'm very nervous but it's it possible to be in the same room as the baby all the time as the sleep guidelines say? My husband works shifts so ill have to do the bedtime for both, so how do I do the bedtime for a 18 month old while I have a newborn who may possibly be awake /upset?

Can someone share their routine they had with an 18 month old and a newborn of possible too? Any good books to recommend? Thank you!

Glad you posted this, my DS1 is 16 months and due DS2 in 4 weeks so glad to be able to read peoples experiences

My toddler was just about to turn 2 when I had DD2. She's now 6 months old. As everyone else has already said - get their lunchtime naps at the same time. It really makes a difference just having an hour or so to yourself in the day, or to get a nap yourself. If you're going to be on your own a lot (my husband can be working away for weeks at a time), then preparation is key. What has helped me:
Preparing dinner or batch cooking in advance so you can just warm something.
Bath the baby in the day so you don't need to do it in the eve.
Sometimes I'll make a 'packed lunch' for DD1 before hand so I don't have to prepare at lunchtime as baby usually wants a feed then.
Putting DD1 into a nursery for 2 mornings a week. Lucky for me she loves it.
Although I hate doing it, many evenings I have the tv on for DD1 while she eats so I can go and get baby ready for bed. I feel guilty doing it but don't feel I have a choice at the moment. Once DD2 is a bit older and can stay up later things will be better.
Overall, evenings are the hardest if you're on your own but things settle down after a couple months and you get into a groove. The hardest part I found was that DD1 had a big sleep regression after DD2 was born. She was waking often in the night and didn't want to fall asleep alone. That was tough when breastfeeding a baby during the night too. So be prepared for that.

Also try and make some new baby mum friends. I'm not in the UK at the moment so don't know how easy it is, but there's usually free / cheap coffee mornings at local library and centres I think? Put yourself out there and try and meet people. I have found that meeting other mums going through newborn / baby stuff at the same time as you is so helpful. You need to be able to moan about this stuff in a safe space with people on the same page as you!

Depends on whether you are going back to work or not after the baby. If you do, consider employing a nanny, I found nursery x 2 at that age completely unmanageable.

I've 4 and my first three were all 2 years apart.
Make dinner at lunchtime and reheat for evening meal as I found baby always wanted evening feeds and toddler was tired. Or buy some good quality easy things like pizza or quiche and have with salads.
Get out the house every morning for a walk, a baby group a park. Anything. It will make afternoons much easier.
Have lots of things to do in the garden. Dosnt have to cost loads. Bucket and spade, water table. Chalks.
Do not every attempt a supermarket shop unless absolutely essential. Shop online or ask dp to do it or go alone.
Put washing on in the evning l. Peg out or put in dryer in the morning. Keep on top of this.
Enjoy it. honestly I loved those first years before they started school.

If there are church run playgroups around they can be a life saver. Both the ones round us have lots of (mainly elderly) volunteers who absolutely love holding a baby which means you can properly spend time playing with your oldest or drinking a hot cup of tea.

The first couple of months bedtime by yourself can be tricky - DC2 did the screaming in the evening thing. After that, I used to breastfeed DC2 to sleep while reading bedtime stories to DC1 / sitting with him until he fell asleep. If you are bottle feeding how easy double bedtime would be I guess depends on what sort of baby DC2 is.

The double midday nap thing saved me too - I used to lie down and breastfeed DC2 once DC1 was asleep. On a good day we'd both doze off - no way I'd have coped with the night time sleep deprivation otherwise.

I had three under three at one point. Not easy but I obviously survived . I would say to leave your sense of guilt at the door, you can’t split yourself in half and that can make you feel dreadful at times. There’s no point beating yourself up, you can only try your best and do whatever it takes to make it through the day.

You eventually discover a routine that works for you, it’s very auto-pilot for the first couple of years but gets easier.

My DC1 will be 17 months when DC2 is born, absolutely shitting my pants

I know its going to be a challenge so I’m mentally preparing myself to just accept and ride out the hard bits knowing that it will eventually get easier and that it’ll be amazing when they are growing up together in a few years.

I found a wrap a lifesaver with my second. If you’ve not used one see if there’s a ‘sling library’ near you who will teach you how to tie it properly or let you try out other carriers.

Also second finding a good playgroup that goes from baby to pre school - ones run by your local children’s centres are great as the staff are usually very alive to mum’s who are struggling and good at helping engage the older one if you have to do a feed or change. Ours was held at a church. There was also a really good one at the local community centre. So have a look around.

Also sod the cleaning. If the house is basically hygienic then that’s good enough for the time being.

Bring a present home from the hospital 'from the baby' - my parents did that when my sibs were born and it made me a whole lot more receptive to it.

I have 14 months between mine, (17 months now and 8 weeks) and my god it's hard. We actually stupidly planned for this!

All I can say, is be very organised, get a decent double pram (not a bugaboo donkey - from experience they're shit), try and get out of the house at least once a day and make yourself packed lunches!

Oh and take every opportunity of help you're offered!

Good luck OP

Thanks everyone! I’m making mental notes!! I need to make big changes in the few months leading up to the birth because I have it all wrong:

1- my DS still bed shares
2- he is matched on all night and comfort feeds throughout the day.. breastfeeding on demand
3- he never sits in his high chair as he throws tantrums
4- he has no napping or bed time routine. I’m ashamed to say this but as DH works long hours I gave up on bedtime routine as he would stay awake one he heard his dads voice when he wakes up for a feed. He just sleeps from 10-8 am. And then naps in short intervals throughout the day.

I’m really stupid for planning for this aren’t.

I need to start getting him into a routine

To Be fair on myself when I decided to try for pregnancy, baby was a breeze and I was managing very well.

He only changed his feeding habits and clinginess after I fell pregnant as I think my milk supply changed. And as a toddler he is a lot more runny than I imagined he would be. When I decided to get pregnant he was just holding onto edges and hardly difficult to follow around. I was naive !