2 under 2, tips and tricks

[IABUQueen]

Hi,

I have a 15 months old and expecting a baby in few months time. I’m slightly dreading it and slightly excited for it.

My 15 year old is very active and demanding attention. I think he needs a siblings. He is breastfed still.

I am wondering whether anyone has tips and tricks on how to manage as DH works long hours and overtime, we are on a tight budget and I have no support around.

My third dc was 13 months when dc4 was born. I also had a nine year old and a just turned 4 year old so three at home with me and one at school.
Routine is great but I found getting out in the morning to a group, park, baby cafe or wherever the best thing. Sometimes it felt like such a pain but I used to do something full on in the morning to tire the 13 month old out and often fed them at a cafe or packed lunch in the park.
The drive/walk home would often send them off to sleep.
It's hard but doable just lower your standards and if anyone offers help say yes! Don't try and be super mum.

On a more positive note when I introduced dc3 to dc4 I said "Luke this is your brother joe" he laughed and said "joe" his brothers name was his first word!
(Not their real names)

They are four and five now and ridiculously close they often wander round holding hands and play together all the time

At times they fight like buggery but I think that's pretty normal.

Seconding previous posters that there is not much you can do to prepare them at that age. I have an 18 month gap and I talked about the baby a lot to ds1 before ds2 was born but it was all over his head really. The good news I didn’t really need to prepare him in advance. He was so young he just accepted ds2 as a part of life now as he didn’t know any different. I doubt he remembers a time when he wasn’t here now to be honest.

I’m only 5 months in so I don’t have a huge amount of advice. Getting them to nap at the same time is a lifesaver so I get a break in the day. Get a decent double pram. I initially had a tandem but didn’t get on with it so have switched to a twin now and it’s a lot better.

You will be fine. It is hard work. Bloody hard work but you will be better ok. Your own rhythm and routine will fall into place before long.

Have you found the Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond Facebook group OP? It's a wonderfully supportive group of mothers, some of whom will have had experience of tandem feeding closer spaced babies and how to keep everyone content.

Oh thanks do much I will join that Facebook group.

Minai, do you mind me asking what pram did you settle on? We have a similar age gap so I’m glad to know that your toddler still accepted baby and it’s going well for you!

Trippi- running around and holding hands is the dream!

Don’t be so hard on yourself OP - you didn’t get it “all wrong” at all you sound like a great mum.

I do think you will benefit massively from having your DS in a routine before the baby comes, so if I were you I’d focus on that as a priority You still have time!

My DH worked crazy hours so I was on my own most of the time. The evenings were the hardest but what saved me was the fact that DD1 had a solid bedtime routine that I stuck to as rigidly as possible when DD2 came along. I would try to get the baby to sleep first so I could give DD1 all my focus but if the baby was awake I’d just put her in DD1s cot with some toys while I did stories etc.

Also if you can rope in any help take it! My mum was a godsend taking DD1 out to the park when I just hadn’t the energy or the baby was fussy. Also I used to express milk so that I could hand the baby over to someone else to feed and spend quality time with DD without the baby glued to my chest.

Thank you sooo much Shallowhalls. This was very very useful advice. I’m definately going to keep my options open in terms of expressing in order to have time for my toddler.

I will shift my focus now on how to develop a routine for DS as I agree some structure in his day might help him feel less shocked.

My pram is a joie aire twin. It’s quite a cheap one, only £120 brand new which is a lot cheaper than my second hand oyster max. All the shops near me didn’t really stock double prams so stupidly I didn’t try them out before buying but I am really happy with my new one.

There is a fb group called 2 under 2 uk only that I find really useful for recommendations and advice. There’s about 600 people on it that have and have had 2 under 2 so they are great for being in the know about stuff you will need and how to survive!