Newborn and anxiety

[Greycat100]

Hi, this is the first time I have posted on here, I am just looking for advice/support during a difficult time. My baby is 1 month old and things appear to be going well but I seem to be experiencing difficult mood swings and I am finding it difficult to get things into perspective. During the daytime, I feel ok, maybe a bit anxious, but I can cope. When it comes to late afternoon/evening my mood suddenly takes a dip and I start to feel dreadful and can't seem to get perspective. I love my baby more than anything but I can't believe how depressed and anxious I feel. Breastfeeding is proving tricky, most of the time it goes well but then I have a difficult day or few days and I feel like I can't cope. I am not getting a great amount of sleep but I feel too anxious when I get the chance to sleep. My husband is supportive but when I am in this anxious/depressed mode nothing can help me. I have an appointment with the doctor on Monday and also I have counselling starting next week. I will also be going to the local breastfeeding support group on Monday. I just need to keep it together in the meantime.

Hi! Congratulations on your baby and we'll done for seeking help, it's the first step.

Can your husband take the baby for an hour or two tomorrow so you can get a nap in. When my boy was newborn I used to leave him with my husband for an hour in the evening so I could get a shower or bath and have a bit of a breather - he was formula fed so understand that more difficult with a BF baby who might be cluster feeding at that time.

Sorry you’re feeling like this. It sounds like you’re likely experiencing PND, which is sooo normal. It sounds like you have already reached out for help from your GP, which is great. Take advantage of the help and keep talking about it, it helps and will get better. X

Thanks Chippychipsforme and MummyBear2352 for your replies and kind words. It really does make me feel less alone. Anxiety has lifted a bit for now. Will get my husband to take baby for a bit so I can have a break, maybe later tonight. I may be starting to show signs of PND, need to speak to GP. Good to know that talking helps and that it will get better.

I had the same with evenings and night time, I had panic attack, but when the morning came I felt a fool for getting into such a state. You are doing everything right by reaching out for help. Things i found helpful we’re a good breathing monitor mat under the baby which I found reassuring. Breathing exercises and listening to funny podcasts and keep reaching out and keep talking, you are not alone and lots of mums are going through the same as you. You can stop breast feeding I had to and it meant others can do nights and give you a break

Hi @Greycat I had the same issues after having my first DS. It was unbearable anxiety, and it actually turned out to be postnatal hypothyroidism. So I’m not saying that is the cause for you, but please do get yourself checked out medically as well. Everything will get much better though, you are doing all the right things. Just try and take things one at a time, don’t think too far ahead. That always helps with my anxiety. Just get help wherever you can, there is lots of help out there.

Hello OP. You are not alone in these feelings. This is very common and treatable. You are doing the right things. It will pass.

I also find that when I have a panic attack, looking up ‘symptoms of a panic attack’ on google helps as O can tick off all the symptoms and know that it is harmless and will pass.

Thanks Nofunkingworriesmate. Good to know that the evening/nightime anxiety is not unusual. I have panic attacks also then feel very different in the morning. Breathing exercises and funny podcasts sound like a good idea. Breathing monitor mat also. Breastfeeding is also contributing very much to my anxiety, I don't know if I can continue for much longer due to the difficulties I am having. I will probably give it one more week and then see.

I had the same with my first. Reading your post actually brought it all back. I'd forgotten. It's most likely a combination of exhaustion and hormones and normal new mum anxiety. I remember hitting rock bottom at the 4 week mark exactly actually. The adrenaline has well and truly worn off and you're just bloody knackered. You sound like you're coping well though. Always worth mentioning to your midwife or HV though.

Sorry just realised you're seeing GP. Hope they help.
And yes the breastfeeding can be very tough and definitely adds stress if not going well. I hope that gets easier for you.

Blossom28 thanks for the advice about getting myself checked out medically, sorry you had to experience unbearable anxiety. Good to know that things will get better.

geraniumjam, hello and good to know that what I am experiencing is common and will pass.

Blossom28- good advice about recognising a panic attack for what it is and viewing it objectively.

I had exactly the same - I’d feel fine during the day but as soon as 5pm came I’d be it was as if a cloud came over me and I felt so depressed and as if I couldn’t cope. Two other ladies in my antenatal group experienced the same so I had some idea that it was normal. It’s two weeks later and my baby is now six weeks old and I feel so much better, and I don’t have PND. Having a newborn is overwhelmingly intense and the emotional toil is huge as well as the hormones... be kind to yourself. I hope it passes.

What helped me apart from the passage of time was having a treat each day for that time - cake or chocolate- and watching something funny, as well as speaking to friends with children who’d been through it for support. I also got as much breastfeeding support as possible- at your stage I was going to a breastfeeding cafe or support group every day to get help. It was at one of these that we found out DS had a tongue tie, which explained his endless feeding. Having that sorted made a massive difference.

It will get easier- I promise. Everyone told me that and I didn’t believe them, but it is true.

Jellycat1- Sorry you also felt like this. I agree with you that the adrenaline has worn off and I'm just knackered. Hopefully things will start to improve soon. I have spoken to midwife and she is very supportive.

Oh and I did the same re breastfeeding- I took it week by week and would just commit to continuing for another week to make it less overwhelming.

Oh and I’ve just remembered that stopping napping in the day coincided with feeling so much brighter. You need to be getting enough sleep to do that though! I would wake from each nap to a crying baby and feed them with a fuzzy head and feeling spaced out, so stopping really helped

Nightmanagerfan, it's exactly as you describe- like a cloud and a feeling of not able to cope. You give me hope that this is short lived, hopefully at 6 weeks I will feel a bit better. I agree with you about having treats and speaking to friends who have been there, this helps me to not live in my head. Like you I'm going to breastfeeding support several times a week. Just like you, last week, someone spotted a tongue tie on DD, she has also been feeding endlessly. Good to know that getting it sorted made a difference.

Do you have an appointment to get the tongue tie fixed? We went private in the end as there was a six week wait and I knew I couldn’t manage the endless feeds for that long. The feeding took about ten days to dramatically improve and now it’s lots better - I hope you have a similar experience.

I wouldn’t read too much about PND yet as it may settle down and you don’t want to worry yourself when you’re already feeling awful.

About two days ago I met a friend for lunch at an art gallery and as I was feeding the baby I had a moment where I realised I was enjoying him. It took six weeks but we got there!

I completely understand as I felt like that with my first (I'm about to go through it again!!). It's great you are being proactive! That's the first step.

DD tongue tie wasn't picked up until she was 4 weeks old and my midwife kept telling me she was comfort feeding. In the end I had to go private. It wasn't instantaneous which nearly killed me, but it eventually improved! I breastfed her for 18 months in the end. I kept with the "I'll give it another week". Also ask your midwife if you could borrow a breast pump. I did, and it took the pressure off, plus it built up my supply. You hear about babies getting nipple confusion, but if you wait past about 6 weeks, they then are less likely to take a bottle (expressed milk). I felt that took the pressure off so I could leave her with my husband. But of course that's your personal choice.

Motherhood never gets easier but definitely the Moto "This too shall pass" is very true! They like keeping you on your toes!! Do you know about the Wonder Weeks? That helped me realize it wasn't something I was doing wrong but just the babies development.

Hello Greycat
I can still remember those days, as others have said, this too shall pass. You've just done an utterly amazing thing, you gave birth to a baby 💐for you. Well done for getting some help, you're not alone in feeling overwhelmed and as the adrenaline rush will have faded then so many anxious feelings will kick in. Breast feeding is bloody hard work but if you can't manage it then make a change. And do not feel any shame if breastfeeding is not for you.

Nightmanagerfan, Local breastfeeding group won't refer me for tongue tie, as they said that I am not in pain and the baby has gained weight. I am not very happy with this so I am seeing a lactation consultant next week to get a second opinion on the tongue tie and hopefully then will go private as I don't think I can struggle on much longer.

Glad that you are better in week 6, congratulations on your baby.

Eslteacher06- Sorry you also felt like this, hopefully will be better with your second child. Midwife has said the same to me about comfort feeding. Glad that things improved for you after tongue tie was sorted. I have a breast pump but I am only managing to express one bottle a day as baby is feeding almost constantly! Better than nothing, and slows me to have a couple of hours break.

I keep hearing about Wonder Weeks, I must have a look at it.

Absolutepowercorrupts- Thanks. I agree breastfeeding is really hard and there is no shame in stopping if I can't manage it.

That's exactly what happened with my midwife. I really had to push for it but she said the baby was gaining weight....but the constant feeding was sending me loopy! She referred me but warned me it could take weeks. I went to a lactation consultant at a breastfeeding drop in group and she confirmed it. I then booked on the first appointment I could!

Don't worry about the amount you express. Not sure if you know this but every time you express or breastfeed, it's putting in an order for the next feed...so you may notice a difference after three or four days. Plus the cluster fuck feeding... that's why they do that too.... don't ever think you are not producing enough!! If the baby is gaining, then you are. It's hard when you can't see how much is going in!

Eslteacher06- I am with you on the constant feeding, it is affecting my mental wellbeing. Hopefully the lactation consultant can advise me and I can get tongue tie sorted asap. With regard to breastfeeding, it is difficult when you can't see what baby is taking in. I thought the constant feeding was because I wasn't producing enough.

I had exactly the same and also hit a slump at three months. It will get better. It's not really "real" in a way, a lot of it is physical exhaustion from birth and taking care of a newborn plus the massive hormone drop. I promise it will settle. Things that will help you are going to a breastfeeding group, mine were fabulous (and I am not a group person at all), getting out for walk with the baby every day (babies paradoxically often behave better when out and about), someone "mothering" you (getting nice nutritious dinners or cuppas), a nice bath once in a while.
Sources of good breastfeeding advice are the kellymom website but nothing online is as good as advice from a lactation consultant (public health nurses not quite as good imho).
You'll be fine, I'm still breastfeeding at 7.5 months after a litany of issues and even a current breast blister. If you want to ask for specific advice on bf'ing there is an important infant feeding board here too.

No absolutely not :) Of course if you want to stop that's absolutely fine! :) But never think you haven't got enough!! I noticed my supply was through the roof in the morning and by the evening they were like dry husks lol. It was so upsetting only seeing 10ml come out! But even the stimulation will help your supply.

I decided to give a formula bottle in the evening and express what I could and I found that took the pressure off. But everyone is different :)

You haven't failed if you give formula. Whatever it takes to feed your baby and keep you sane! :)

Have you looked at the Kellymom website?