Annoyed with school, am i over-reacting?

[lifesteeth]

Today it was the school end of term achievment assembly. My son has been in it every year since starting school (to be fair most kids get an award for something, even if its just attendance).

Anyway this year he wasn't up for anything. I don't understand why as his report was full of praise for him, it said he is a very able pupil, polite, well behaved, top group, IT and maths skills well above average etc... yet hardly any good work slips all year and no end of term acknowledgment.

Anyway I wasn't about to kick up a fuss so went to the assembly anyway to watch my friends daughter get an award.

This is when I was left fuming...out of my sons class it was all the kids that are disruptive, bullies, badly behaved or generally way behind where they should be because they never do their homework etc. One boy inparticular got an award for "good work" when he's spent the entire year bullying my son, turning the class room into a war zone/zoo, had my sons friend in tears calling him a tramp, stabbed him with a pencil and then threatened him with a compass etc etc...

Don't get me wrong, it's not sour grapes that they got an award and my son didn't, I don't begrudge any of the kids their awards but why is it that the kids that do well and behave themselves are ignored in favour of praising the "difficult" ones?

griffin all of my sons teachers bar one dont have children and are

The problem teachers have though, lilysmum, is that there is actually very little they can do these days to punish children ... and what should your son's teacher do?
I know you feel bad about the fact that he is not being recognised but it is THAT that the teacher is doing wrong ... not trying to give positive reinforcement to the 'bad' child.
I would go in and talk to the teacher about how she feels she has encouraged your son this year. Make that point rather than point out that you feel she has over rewarded the child with issues ... as how she deals with him is nothing to do with you IYSWIM?

When you teach a class of 30+ children the ones with issues are the ones that stick out. Not fair on our children (my DS is one of the hardworkers too) ... a teacher is constantly constantly working on those children to improve anything for them and the rest of the class. The hardest bit of teaching, IMO, is dealing with difficult children so that the others don't suffer.

Muppetgirls table points work very well for some teachers ...

Thats what i was trying to say ghosty but you put it better.

grifghosty - i dont think saying 'im glad i dont live in england' is fair tbh

my dd's teachers are fantastic and reward good behaviour and support children who need more support

lifeteeth's cross because this is not happening in her child's class this year - it doesn't mean everything in england is bad!

id rather my kids were educated in the uk over the us and about a million other countries

fair enough newgirl ... it was a bit harsh of me to say that though ...
But the more I read threads like this and talk to people like my sister, who does live in the UK the more grateful I am that I we moved to New Zealand when DS was little and now live in Australia ...
The thread "A bright child is a bullied child in state schools" sent chills down my spine.
In Australia and New Zealand children are applauded for anything they are good at - sport/academics/music/origami/learning to tie their shoe laces - anything. In the two schools that DS has been to they have the 'table points' that muppetgirl talks about, and certificates given out ALL Year round in assembly for stuff so EVERY child gets a chance at being rewarded at some point during the year ... Also, parents seem to trust the teachers more here ... seem to let them get on with their jobs. But at the same time teachers are open to parents coming in to talk about concerns.
Parents are relaxed, teachers are relaxed, and children seem better behaved ... (and no Teaching Assistants either) ...
I don't know, I don't want to get into an argument that one place is better than another but lifesteeth's OP did sound 'sour grapes' to me a bit ... her son has had an award every year she said, so why not let another child have a chance? To her the children getting the awards were disruptive and nasty ... but really, she doesn't know what progress they have made this year does she? They may have made amazing progress that is just not seen by the parents of the other children ...

how can you possibly know so much about these kids that got rewards? how can you know whether they deserved them or not? unless you're in the class room each and every day you just can't know. what you hear from your ds and your friends is not enough to make a judgment on their overall performance. so yes I think you're over-reacting.

I expect the ones that got the awards have made the most progress in the eyes of the teachers.

It is virtually impossible to judge whether the awards were deserved or not, merely from looking in on the situation.

I think the parents of the pupils have to trust that the teachers made fair decisions.

If they think it is unfair, then they should talk to the school, but not be surprised if they are told that the progress of other pupils is not something that can be discussed.

Agree with ghosty. I was really shocked that a teacher would give some children a present and not others in school. Some threads leave me open mouthed; that did (I used to teach).

Went to ds2's awards day recently and it was lovely. Lots of different types of prizes given out. A few for academic achievement, music, dance etc a few for effort, then some lovely ones like a kindness cup. And I was pleased to see that the person who got it was someone who I have often observed looking after the younger children in the playground. The really lovely thing is that the children were quick to praise their friends for their awards. Lots of very heartfelt cheering for some of the prizes.

DS1's school if for children with severe learning difficulties so they don't have awards etc, but they have a big thing of really celebrating every small achievement.

Thank you hatwoman and dangerousbeans ... I felt like a bit of a lone voice there for a while

And gess

Just emailed you I am SO sorry it has taken me so long (2nd apology from me for being generally useless on mumsnet today!)

I agree with gryffindorghosty as well but I also agree with the OP.
I agree that these children are probably the ones that have made the most progress and might benefit from a bit of positive reinforcement and (time for a sweeping statment) a lot of these children are from families that maybe don't have the same attitude towards education that some others do and the encouragment from the school might help these children go further than they might have done had they not been shown by the school that they can succeed.

BUT I do also think that some schools do handle this very badly. They seem to be failing to get the balance right between positive reinforcment for the more difficult children while still encouraging the generally good performers. I have known of well behaved children that have struggled to get merits because they behave in the "expected" manner work well and quietly which is what they should be doing but the poor performers get merits for things like someone else said, not yawning in class.

I wholeheartedly agree that the more badly behaved in the class deserve these awards as much and yes maybe a little more than the other children because after all if their behaviour is that poor and they have really knuckled down and tried to turn things around then good for them, but the teachers need to nurture the all round good performers too.

'...a lot of these children are from families that maybe don't have the same attitude towards education that some others do' --
Ouch.
Glad you qualified that.
I have
One very high achiever with substantial SEN;
One daft-and-distracted-but-does-try;
One head-down, get on with it type, who regularly complains that other children 'mess about' and still get rewards.

Believe me, I see it from all sides. One of mine is indeed rewarded for things like NOT yawning audibly or shouting out, because it is SO difficult for him. God help the other two if I ever heard they'd tried the same thing!

In my experience there are some children who always get overlooked for any kind of reward (house points, prizes, whatever). Maybe they're a quiet girl who keeps her head down.

Conversely, some children who are plainly no good, get rewarded regularly for 'trying hard'.

There's no justice in it. Some schools at least recognise when it's the same people winning things every year. Some DON'T.

A girl at our school got an award for getting to school on time every day for 3 days in a row...the rest of the parents were outraged because:

a) The rest of us get our kids to school on time EVERY day and get no reward for it
b) It has nothing much to do with the kid how early she gets to school, it's her mother who should take responsibilty and
c) The day she was awarded this the head asked her in front of the entire assembly "and were you on time today too?" and the girl said "no!"

outraged really? Presumably the girls has an incredibly chaotic life if her mother can't ever manage to get her to school on time. I wouldn't be outraged becausde my little Johnny hadn't got a prize for getting to school on time I'd be bloody concerned about the girl.

because generally bullies are being bullied at home and they need the oraise and encouragement far more that 'normal' children.

You'd have preferred the head to take the reward away from her then, because her mother didn't get her to school on time?

Some of the kids I've worked with have horrific home lives. That they get to school in any sort of shape at all is a minor miracle.

ds gets more rewards in school than dd ever did. The work he produces is no-where near as good as dd's

But ds works ten times as had to produce for of the fraction of the quality. I'm very glad that his school recognises that and rewards him for his increadable hard graft

I do think it's important that well behaved bright children get rewards.

But equally, it's so important to reward effort - for some children, perhaps sitting still for a whole day is as hard as another child producing a fantastic piece of artwork or something. The sorts of things I would get recognition for were playing the piano in assembly, or accompanying the school musical - but these weren't things I found hard. In some ways, a reward for writing a page really neatly would have been more meaningful, as it would have been something I found hard and really tried at iyswim.

Cherry - I agree that the parents should take responsibilty for getting children to school on time, but in that family it might not be the case. We have a family who are regularly late - and it's the 9 year-old who gets her sisters up and into school. If she manages it on time 3 days on the trot she deserves a blimmin medal TBH. It reinforces the point that in general you just don't know how much effort it is for some children to improve, behaviour, attendance, whatever and they should be rewarded. In the OP it's the lack of rewards for the 'overlooked' children that should be of concern - not the fact that the 'difficult' ones do get praise.

This thread is probably dead now but I thought of something else.
I didn't get an award for anything in my whole school career.
Not one thing. At all ever.
I am not scarred for life about it. In fact I don't think I have even thought about it until I read this thread.
I didn't end up a drug addict or pregnannt at 15 ... I did A Levels and went to University and have a degree and now have my own business.
People who got awards at school with me were the brainy lot, or the ones good at the arts and languages. Many of them were rebels who were a challenge for teachers I am sure.
I was bog standard average, a little rebellion but not much, conformed to the rules, did my homework etc etc.
It is human nature, the way of the world, that the ones that are 'in your face' are the ones that are noticed be it positively or negatively ... rewarded or punished or whatever.
The majority are the people who get on with their lives and keep the world ticking ...

Just a thought.

The important thing is that your children know that you think they are the most marvellous beings on the planet ... surely that is what is important?

It's funny - but I have the opposite feeling to some of the posters here. My dd is one of the "good" ones. She is clever, and pretty and talented and she always gets picked for things. She gets good parts in shows, she gets chosen to show visitors round, she gets awards, prizes, praise... you name it, she gets it. I love her to bits and I am incredibly proud of her. BUT. I also think that with the advantages she's got she should be the way she is. She has a happy stable home, enough money, parents who have time for her, parents who undersand the education system and can help her negotiate it, family who have enough education themselves to help her when she needs it. And so on. It seems to me that the children who make an effort and achieve someting in the face of adversity and soemtimes hideous home backgrounds are far more deserving of rewards than children like my dd. JMHO - what do you think?