How long do you spent together as a couple?

[Curtains14]

Just that really.

Hubby is very eager for our lives to go back to how they were pre baby such as sitting together watching tv in an evening, going out sometimes at the weekend but i was just wondering how realistic this is? Our DD is currently 13 months and we hardly spend any time together as a couple.

Not much going out, in fact none.
Sit and cabbage together at night which we enjoy.

Mine are older but we have just got into a rut with it. Both work full time busy jobs and 2 kids with school, clubs, hobbies, we have barely any time as individuals let alone as a couple.

Good luck

Do you have any support? Family/friends to babysit?

We rarely go out together (kids are 5 and 1 and baby still relies on me at night a lot) but we spend most evenings eating and watching tv together, we both enjoy that.

I think we spent more time as a couple when DC was under 18 months as we had our evenings together

Now DC is 2 the bedtimes are more difficult and we seem to finally eat dinner around 9:30pm and are so exhausted we want to be in bed by 10.30

See this is it our LG relies on me to get her to sleep and some nights she doesn’t go to sleep till 8-9. I have just started back at work so i want to be in bed by 9.30 so we don’t get our evenings together.

My DH doesn’t get it that this is fairly normal. He thinks by now we should have our lives back.

Basically i think he thinks she should just go to bed at 7 and sleep through the night by now HAHAHA

Tell him if he gets dd to sleep by 7 you'll happily sit and spend time with him.....

Evenings 7pm til bedtime so we get a good 3 hours or so.Ds is 5 now but has always gone to bed around this time.

Pressed too soon! We also go out every 6 weeks or so either for a meal or drinks

Thanks for the comments

I would keep working on the bedtime routine. Is there a reason DC is more dependent on you? Can DH do more to help?

Once our DD started going to bed reliably at 7 we both had time to sit together and watch TV. This wasn't until around 18 months though so it may be a case of just a bit more time.

Every evening we get together from 8pm (teenager around though).

Go out - hahaha what is that. About twice a year!

On our own in an evening from 8pm, children now 8 and 5 but as babies (6 months ish) they were in bed at 7 so we've always had evenings. We try to go out 1-2 times a month, that's probably been the case since they were 1ish. And we might go away each year as well a night, weekend or this year was a week. Couple time is very important and I think from 13 months you should be able to get a fair amount, although I appreciate going out depends on babysitters. I wouldn't personally say your set up is normal, I had needy BF kids but did manage to get a routine established, I was determined to get my evenings back, I felt very overwhelmed when childcare took up evenings. Plus being back at work from 8 months old I'd have been exhausted if I spent a night trying to get kids to sleep.

OP, when my eldest was that age she woke really frequently all evening/night, I spent loads of time running up the stairs and feeding her back to sleep. It's very common, and it will improve. TBH, we sacrificed our own sleeping time for downtime, if you know what I mean, so would stay up later in the evenings just to be able to have some leisure time without kids. But I wasn't working so could struggle through the days in a state of permanent zombie-ness.

Our 15mo goes to sleep at 7 so we have the evening together. We go out without the LO maybe once every 3 months for dinner or to go the cinema - in fairness his sleeps been awful for months and I was loathe to ask anyone else to deal with him!

Hardly any due to the long hours dh works

I’m lucky in that both my kids have settled for a 7pm ish bedtime since they were tiny, so DH and I get most evenings together even with a 4 year old and 18m old.

We have no family in this country though, so nights out together are when we get a babysitter (or family visit once a year). With my DS we never really did, but now we’ve started doing a regular monthly date night because I feel it’s important for our relationship

We have a 4 year old and a soon to be 1 year old. We have evenings from 7/7.30 as have always had this as bedtime since DC1 was a baby. We don't spend all evening every evening together as we have hobbies maybe 2 or 3 nights. We average at least once a month out just the 2 of us with DC at GPs overnight and we're going away for 2 nights soon for an event we both enjoy.

I’m sort of with your husband. At thirteen months children should be going to sleep at a reasonable time and sleeping through the night. Obviously if they’re poorly it’s different but generally children should sleep and allow their parents an evening.

I also think it’s important to remember you’ll be a couple longer than you’ll be parents of children. A night out every so often is good for everyone.

Yeah I think he's being unrealistic to go back to before you had your DD.

But at 13 months a routine of bedtime for about 7/7.30 isn't unreasonable and this would give you time of an evening - however it is very difficult. What is your DD bedtime routine like now ?

If you have someone close who you feel happy babysitting then a night out isn't out of the question, obviously only if you feel ready to leave your DD for a few hours.

Going back to how things were before kids is totally unrealistic but I do sort of agree with your husband- a bedtime of 7-7.30pm is pretty normal for a 13 month old, it’s important to spend time together and it’s nice to get a babysitter every so often so you can go out (although a sitter is tricky if money is tight and you have no family nearby). Each to their own though- every family finds its own balance.

An hour or two most evenings, occasionally another hour or two if we can get family to babysit so we can go out for a meal. Kids are 7 & 4.

Ours are 5, 3 and 4 months. We spend every evening together... 5 and 3 year olds are in bed at 7 (and have been since 6 months old) and 4 month old sleeps downstairs with us from 7.30pm ish and we take him up with us when we go to bed. We eat together and then chat/watch something on TV etc.
We haven’t been out together since before DC3 was born but as he semi reliably sleeps 7.30pm- 10.30pm ish in the evening and takes expressed milk in a bottle we might go out soon with my mum babysitting.
We were always consistent with the 7pm bedtime as having an evening together saved our sanity in the early days! DD1 didn’t sleep through the night until she was 3.5 but we got our evening!!

We currently have 4 kids between us and another on the way. We make a lot of time for each other. Go out running after work, cinema or meal out. Doesnt have to be expensive or for long periods of time. Just an hour or 2 together to have a natter.
All kids have good bedtime routines. His 3 love with mother hit stay twice a week. My son lives with us but sleeps at his nans once or twice a month.
We work opposite shifts but his rotate so we sometimes get more time together some weeks than others.
Couple time is very important. Kids grow up but you need to still be a couple when all that is over with or what do you have?

We're just starting to get a decent amount of time together as a couple again now that we can leave the kids for an hour to go to the pub / for a walk...they're 9 and 13! You've a way to go yet...

See everyone’s responses are very different. I agree that time as a couple is important but i just find it all very hard work. She had a tough start in life so it’s been hard for us all. She is breastfed and still wakes up a lot during the night.

I agree that we need to be a couple because we won’t be bringing up a child forever but i am so tired i just want to be asleep myself by 9oclock. I do pretty much everything - make tea, tidy up bedtime routine.

We’re also only having one child so hopefully in a year or twos time things will be a lot different 😊