How long do you spent together as a couple?

[Curtains14]

Just that really.

Hubby is very eager for our lives to go back to how they were pre baby such as sitting together watching tv in an evening, going out sometimes at the weekend but i was just wondering how realistic this is? Our DD is currently 13 months and we hardly spend any time together as a couple.

@mamaduckbone if they choose to go that way, my children are years from your children's ages and we got our couple time back years ago! You've chosen to do it this way, it isnt inevitable, op don't despair.

"I do pretty much everything - make tea, tidy up bedtime routine."

This is your problem, I wouldn't want to spend much time with my "D"H if I did everything either.

Well if he wants you to spend more down time with him he can bloody well do his share of cooking/cleaning etc.

Yes @soydora i think this is what i need to start doing. Say like would you rather do bedtime routine or tidy up and sort the dishes tonight? Then i don’t end up doing it all

Presumably it's his house and his baby so he should be doing his fair share. You need to sit with him and work out how to split the chores and childcare when you're both there. I'm a SAHP but my OH cooks dinner twice a week, if he's home from work he'll do bath & bedtime, I do day to day cleaning but we split the bigger tasks at the weekend.

It's not fair that he's expecting you to do everything and somehow expecting you to magic up several hours to hang out with him.

Me and my dp take it in turns to put dd to bed, have done since 6 months when i stopped breastfeeding.

For us, our life went back to normal/how it was before baby after about 5/6 months.

We go out for dinner as a family of 3 once a week. Dd goes to bed at 7 so we getvour evening together.

If he wants normal he's gonna have to help

4 DC aged 9 weeks to 7 years.

We were never majorly into actively spending loads of one-to-one timr together. We have a big mixed group of friends so socialised a lot as a group or a few couples before DC. Obviously we did have holidays and stuff just the two of us.

Now, we spend pretty much every week night together and always sit in the same room if we're both home, even if we're doing different things. Obviously our youngest is with us at the moment, either in the pram or feeding. We get plenty of time to chat or play a quick game of Dobble etc in the daytime at weekends while DC play together. We also go for lots of walks as a family, again DC are there but we can still have proper grown up conversations. We probably talk about stuff other than DC for an hour or two a day most days. We get on really well.

We very very rarely go out of an evening together - perhaps 10 times since our eldest was born. We do like going out for breakfast though and sometimes my parents will have the DC so we can do that. Again, not at the moment as youngest is too little to leave without an extremely familiar caregiver (and is EBF), but hopefully in a few months time.

Posted too soon: if you're truly a team and in it together, there are ways to reconnect and carry on liking each other as humans that don't involve specific "date nights" or romantic dinner breaks. Even during nap time at the weekend could be enough time to have a cuppa together. Your partner does need to step up though - you sound generally worn down so perhaps don't have much of yourself left to "invest" in him.

Ours are 4 & 2 their both in bed asleep for 7:30 (dh and I take it in turns each to put one each to bed) once dh has put his child to bed he'll either go to the gym for an hour or goes to see his mates for a couple of hours (only one night a week though) or we watch tv and eat like slobs infront of the tv.

When I've put my kid to bed I tidy up ect and I either do chill and watch or do ironing ect but that's not very often. Or I might visit my mum for an hour.

We rarely go out as a couple (last time was 3 weeks ago and before that was 8 months ago) we have loads of babysitters but just never get round to making the effort to go out 🙈