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Original poster

AIBU to not want to go to church on Sunday?

57 replies

SMarie123 · 12/05/2019 20:59

Hello
All,

Every time I go to see my MIL we all
Have to go to mass on a Sunday and it drives me nuts... I am not religious but I wouldn't be against people who do want to go to mass ( I think being Christian in the way you treat people is more important than showing up for a service). Anyway it is at 10am in the morning, so you can't do anything before, then the actual mass which is painful with a 3 year old and an 18 Month old. Then you have to go back to her house to change out of mass clothes, then the baby goes to
Sleep and before you know it it is 1pm and basically the day is gone.

I don't think I mentioned but my mil
Lives 2 hours away and there is nothing for young children less than 40 mins away we go up
On the Saturday morning and return before bedtime on a Sunday. It makes me cranky/ exhausted every time .... the mass is the straw that breaks the camels back though! my husband says I am being dramatic but I want to
Do something fun like go to the beach or a nearby town. What do you think?

OP posts:
hopeishere · 12/05/2019 21:03

How often do you visit- twice a year YABU. Every week YANBU.

user1493413286 · 12/05/2019 21:04

My mum goes to church but when we visit she doesn’t expect anyone else to go. I don’t really see why you have to.

Original poster
SMarie123 · 12/05/2019 21:08

My mil is desperate for us to go all the time but we only go every 4-6 weeks. I would actually go more often if it wasn't for the mass but my husband says it is untouchable so I just can't say anything.

OP posts:

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Original poster
SMarie123 · 12/05/2019 21:10

When it was just me and my husband I didn't mind going but I am sure you know how hard it is to get 2 young kids out of the house for a set time, everyone clean and tidy! Secondly that is the key usable time of the day gone

OP posts:
Chilledout11 · 12/05/2019 21:13

I'm Catholic and only go at Christmas mainly due to the amount of time it takes and I feel as I get older a lot of it is irrelevant to me sexist and a lot of cover up of abuse has gone on. Dh brings the dc though. 4-6 weeks then I would possibly go or could you travel on the Friday and home Saturday so you have Sunday to yourself?

Windygate · 12/05/2019 21:20

Encourage DH to take his DC on his own to MIL's. He can do the journey, mass etc on his own as it's so important to him.

3brightstars3 · 12/05/2019 22:07

Most churches have another service either sat night, early Sunday or Sunday night.

Why can't you just say go ahead without me ?

Letthemysterybe · 12/05/2019 22:14

It’s slightly ridiculous that a non religious person is going to mass every 4-6 weeks! You’re a grown up, you can say no. You don’t need excuses but you have them, you don’t believe and your children don’t enjoy it.

Namenic · 12/05/2019 22:17

It is so hard with kids. I’m a regular churchgoer but the kids are v active and me and DH are exhausted by the end. Is there a space for toddler to walk around etc at the side/back?
Does it make any difference if MIL travels to you at weekends? It might cut out 4 hours of car journey for kids

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 12/05/2019 22:19

Could you have a few events on at home so need to go up Fri pm and back Sat pm. Could leave dh there if he really wants to stay.

Frannibananni · 12/05/2019 22:20

Definitely encourage Dh to take kids without you. You don't need to go if you don't want to.

Ginger1982 · 12/05/2019 22:24

Does the church not have a crèche that you could leave the kids in during the service?

IncrediblySadToo · 12/05/2019 22:27

my husband says it is untouchable so I just can't say anything

Who made him the boss of you? You can say what you want.

I’d be saying ‘Fine. Have a nice weeekend with your Mum & the kids. Byeeee’

Pipandmum · 12/05/2019 22:28

Why are you going to church if you don’t believe? Just say no. And maybe she should visit you every other time.

stucknoue · 12/05/2019 22:32

Whether you go to mass or not is up to you both, surely your dh could take the kids with his mum and give you a lie in! But I'm not sure what you mean "there's nothing for the kids to do for 40 minutes" small kids are happy with the park etc they don't need specific trips

steppemum · 12/05/2019 22:37

Just stand up and say - mass just doesn't work for the kids, they are too small, so I'll stay at home while you all go. Then don't go. No need to not go for the weekend, just don't go to mass.
The first time it will be an issue, the second time they will huff, then they'll get over it.

The biggest problem though sounds as if it will be your dh!

We are Christians, and go to church, but when we visit dh family, the church service is in another language, and the kids are expected to sit still and quiet, so when the kids were little, I just stayed at home and he went. SIL was very huffy about it, but she got over it very quickly.

CherryPavlova · 12/05/2019 22:37

Why can’t you just arrive at the end of Mass?

Haworthia · 12/05/2019 22:40

As a non-religious person, it would be a cold day in hell (pun intended Grin) before someone could drag me into a church every month or so.

As a PP said, your DH and MIL are not the boss of you.

RedSheep73 · 12/05/2019 22:46

I do sympathise. My parents are Baptists, so the church thing isn't as drawn out as a catholic mass, but still it's every Sunday. When we go to stay, they would love us to go to church with them. We would rather do something fun. I have gone now and then to make them happy, but I'm adamant that we are nonbelievers and they will have to deal with it. Most times, we do something by ourselves for the morning and all get back for lunchtime. I appreciate that it's harder with your inlaws, but the longer you go along with it the worse it will get. If you aren't a catholic then I would have thought you could say you've given it a go, but it's not for you?

Topseyt · 12/05/2019 22:49

Just don't go.

Surely your DH and his mother don't get to dictate. If they want to go to church then they can do just that. They can even take the children if they so wish, while you have some downtime.

RomaineCalm · 12/05/2019 22:49

I would be politely suggesting that DH takes his mum to Mass and that you'll stay at home with the DC.

Take the kids to the park or for a walk and enjoy the morning. If I was feeling charitable I'd offer to do the veg for lunch.

If Mass isn't important to you it's bonkers going every 4-6 weeks with two children in tow. I would however go with MIL for important days - Easter, Christmas etc.

TigerQuoll · 13/05/2019 01:53

Take the Friday off work and go on Friday - Saturday instead

Original poster
SMarie123 · 13/05/2019 10:06

Hi all, I like the idea of going on the Friday and back on the Sunday but we have to leave at the crack of dawn to make the journey home in time for mass in our city....

My husband is from a rural farming community and the nearest playground is 40 mins away. The seaside is 1 hour away.

To be honest I think I will just not visit, which is sad because she is lonely but I just can't be bothered with the hassle.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 13/05/2019 10:12

Send your husband off to mass with the children on his own OR

Send him to his mother on his own/with the children.

Stand up for your beliefs and don't go to mass. Your husband and/or his mother don't get to impose church attendance on another adult. That is non-negotiable.

Youngandfree · 13/05/2019 10:23

So it’s not essentially the mass you don’t want it’s the timing of it??

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