Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Boys in ladies’ toilets, what do you do?

51 replies

Merinda · 06/05/2019 11:18

I have a 7 year old DS, who has health issues, and needs to use the toilet quite frequently. I have always taken them to ladies’ toilets in public places if my husband is not with us. Never had any issues until yesterday.
We went to a concert in central London, I took him to use the loos, he was very well behaved. On the way out we were stopped by an older lady, who was enraged, and told me off for bringing a boy of this age into the ladies. She just kept going on and on, I said nothing and we just left. I am still in a bit of shock.
There is no way in hell I would send him into the gents by himself. There was no disabled toilet nearby.
What do others do?
I have never had a problem with this, and in fact see more and more unisex toilets and male attendants in places.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sirzy · 06/05/2019 11:21

I think at 7 it’s still fine to go into the ladies but probably getting towArds the end of the acceptable.

Ds can’t go to the toilet alone as he still needs a lot of help due to his disabilities (he is 9) so we use the disabled toilet.

If I am out with my 8 year old nephew then I wait outside the gents while he goes in.

I think it gets to an age where even if just for the dignity of the child it’s best avoided

GrassIsntGreener · 06/05/2019 11:21

Pah ignore her. I take my boy (6) to the ladies and depending on where we are, I will for a while yet.

SunshineSpring · 06/05/2019 11:26

I send my 7 year old into the gents (usually with his older brother), and hang around outside.

That said, I'm not sure what a boy in the ladies is going to see that will upset anyone.
We use the gents because the queue is usually significantly shorter!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families General parenting

teyem · 06/05/2019 11:40

Sending two in together is a little different though sunshine. I was happier about my ds2 going into the gents with ds1 at seven than I was about ds1 going into the gents alone at seven.

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/05/2019 11:43

Seven is fine to be in the ladies. I'd start using the disabled toilets if he needs some support or has a medical need causing frequency.

RubberTreePlant · 06/05/2019 11:44

At seven, he has to come in with you.

As you say, what's the alternative? Gents on his own? At seven?!

I'd have just said to her loudly and clearly, "He's only seven!" and then left. (Maybe she didn't even realise his age.) Never any point in hanging around to listen to a mad rant.

formerbabe · 06/05/2019 11:45

He's seven...he's far too young to go to the men's toilet alone. I'd have ignored the woman given her a mouthful

My ds is 11, he can no longer go into the ladies with me. If we're out and his dad isn't there to go with him, he goes to the men's and I stand by the door and call after him asking if he's ok. Apparently, I'm so embarrassing

Petalflowers · 06/05/2019 11:45

The lady was rude. It’s not as if he would see anything, as ladies have cubicles.

I think Surat is right in that perhaps you are getting to the upper limit.

Perhaps use the disabled toilet from no onwards.

Hope you enjoyed the concert.

Petalflowers · 06/05/2019 11:46

(Who did you see?)

Musicalstatues · 06/05/2019 11:47

I have a 7 year old and have just started letting him go to the loo on his own depending on where we are. Eg last night at pizza express he just goes by himself. If we’re somewhere unfamiliar or really busy etc then I would absolutely still take him in with me and would carry on doing that as long as I felt it was right.

Mayalready · 06/05/2019 11:47

Unless he was peeing in the sink she was being ridiculous... Under ten my ds came in with me. He looked about 7!!

FannyFeatures · 06/05/2019 11:50

DS came in with me until he was about 8 then I stood outside the gents and waited for him.

He decided for himself at that point that he was embarrassed to be in the ladies.

yoshismother · 06/05/2019 11:50

I believe that the cut off is 8 for this.

fecketyfeck21 · 06/05/2019 11:59

8 total cut off, but i'd raher an 8 year old than a adult man protesting he's 'a woman today' you can fuck right off mister with the penis.

Redcrayons · 06/05/2019 12:02

I wouldn't bat an eyelid tbh as I've been in your position.

drspouse · 06/05/2019 12:04

My 7 yo asks to go in the gents and if I know the layout and it's small I wait for him outside. If it's massive and/or unfamiliar I take him in with me.

Original poster

Merinda · 06/05/2019 12:12

Thanks everyone. Interesting responses. I do not feel safe sending him into the gents. But we are in London, and most places are packed and busy.
I do struggle to see what a small boy could do to upset a grown woman, but will now think about alternatives (e.g. disabled) too.
I wonder if there is legislation about this.

OP posts:

formerbabe · 06/05/2019 12:15

The woman's reaction was bizarre. A seven year old boy with his mother is absolutely no threat to anyone.

crazycatgal · 06/05/2019 12:17

I wouldn't be bothered about a boy of 7 but I saw a boy of around 12 coming out of the ladies at the cinema which made me a bit

laburnumtree · 06/05/2019 12:24

I'd take no notice and continue with what you're doing.

I have 2 Ds, 10 & 7, I'm a single mum so have this issue all the time when we're out. I generally now let them both go to the gents by themselves however if ds2 is messing around then I take him in to the ladies with me (as not fair on ds1 to have to keep an eye on him when he might run off).

If the place is v busy or dodgy then I take both of them into the ladies with me. Ds1 looks young for his age anyway and is only just 10 and frankly I'm not going to risk something happening to them just because of an arbitrary cut off of 8.

BeardedMum · 06/05/2019 12:27

I took my youngest with me until he was 10 unless I felt very safe about the men’s toilets. He looked young for his age so could have past for 8. I don’t see the issue. It’s not like women walk around naked or even half dressed is there?

WeaselsRising · 06/05/2019 12:29

8 is generally the cut off, so in this case you weren't doing anything wrong. Is your DS quite tall and looks older?

I think mums of boys often don't realise that while they see their DS as a little boy, other women in the queue see a large child who should be in the Gents, (don't think I've ever heard anyone complaining about 5 yo boys in the Ladies, for example).

The point really isn't that they'll see something. What really annoys me is that the queue for the Ladies is always huge, so we all have to wait even longer because people insist on taking boys with them. Particularly frustrating is when those boys all have to have a separate cubicle when they get to the front, so clearly didn't need mummy there.

You've said your DH wasn't with you, which is fair enough, but the other thing I see more and more of these days is when father is there but leaves mother to take all the children on her own while he ambles off to the queue-free mens alone.

ourkidmolly · 06/05/2019 12:29

My cousin was raped in a gents toilet 35 years ago so not taking any risks. She sounds a bully.

Original poster

Merinda · 06/05/2019 12:32

No, he is not large for his age, so nobody could have mistaken him for an older child.

OP posts:

NoNewsisGood · 06/05/2019 12:36

I would say 8 is on the line. Depends if you have a man around to take them and, I think, they need a good few trips with a man who is happy to show them the ropes. I was surprised to hear DS discussing the confusing urinal situation after one loo trip together. didn't realise so many could be difficult to work out what to do

At 8, I would have taken him in (same cubicle as me) if it was just the two of us. At 9 I started to let him go alone when I felt it was ok to do so. Central London is a no-no unless in a restaurant. I think he still often goes to the cubicle though as often the urinals are still too high (DS not tall for his age) and those can often be horrid/busy in the gents. More than once he's come out and asked to be taken into the ladies as he said the men's was in such a state that he didn't want to go in there.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread