Boys in ladies’ toilets, what do you do?

[Merinda]

I have a 7 year old DS, who has health issues, and needs to use the toilet quite frequently. I have always taken them to ladies’ toilets in public places if my husband is not with us. Never had any issues until yesterday.
We went to a concert in central London, I took him to use the loos, he was very well behaved. On the way out we were stopped by an older lady, who was enraged, and told me off for bringing a boy of this age into the ladies. She just kept going on and on, I said nothing and we just left. I am still in a bit of shock.
There is no way in hell I would send him into the gents by himself. There was no disabled toilet nearby.
What do others do?
I have never had a problem with this, and in fact see more and more unisex toilets and male attendants in places.

Tell them to mind their own business and get on with it. If my DS needs the loo hell go in whichever one is quickest and most convenient to him. As she would be cleaning him up if it goes wrong she doesnt have a say.

If she pushed it id tell her to fuck off

You clearly have not spent enough time on MN, OP.

You should have screamed "How dare you assume my daughter's gender" then started rambling on about how sex is a spectrum and she needs to educate herself. The woman would soon have run off.

You did the right thing. I don’t think there’s a cut off point. He will know when he wants to go in the men’s/unisex loos. You must do what your son needs. I don’t know what the woman’s problem was, and I’m sorry you had to endure a tirade for doing the best for your son.

How ridiculous; it’s not like people get changed in the middle of ladies toilets etc.
I didn’t used to let DD at 7 go to the ladies toilet by herself as I didn’t feel it was safe so I’d be the same with a boy. It’s only really recently since DD is nearly 11 that I’m ok with it.

Yanbu. 7 year old in ladies is absolutely fine.

My ds definitely reached an age when he would point blank refuse to go to the ladies...so I'd stand right outside as he was going into the gents and call really loudly so everyone heard "mummy is right out here waiting for you".

I read of two separate cases in our local paper of a child and a young disabled man being assaulted in toilets. Very scary.

Central London is quite a different situation to many other places. I definitely took my ds in the ladies when he was 7 or 8. In some places, if they were ram packed I would have taken him in with me if he was ten. It completely depends in the circumstances; the location and time of day make an enormous difference. I started to let ds go in the men's in places I knew well when they were quiet to get used to it and lurk annoyingly in the doorway.

What's far more idiotic is changing room assistants saying five years old boys can't go in your cubicle with you and have to wait alone in the department store..cue mother changing in the middle of shop floor in protest!!

I think the ladies is preferable to using the disabled facilities

Good grief she sounds crazy.

Sunshinespring I thought the same. There is usually one disabled toilet, so would prefer to leave it for people in wheelchairs etc. who would not have an alternative.

You can get a just can't wait card for medical reasons and a radar key for the disabled toilet . My son is now 13 and suffers with severe IBS he now has s key and card . Sorry but when he was younger there was no way in hell he would've in the mend loo on his way .

But your son has health issues @Merinda, it's perfectly acceptable for him to use the accessible/disabled toilet. Don't feel bad for this.

Disabled toilets are not solely for wheelchair users are they? Surely anyone who has a medical need or requires more accessible facilities for whatever physical reason?

What do people think is going to happen? He'll see a hand dryer, a row of closed doors and Sandra putting on her lippy.

Honestly. We all wee.

It’s tricky, I have three boys and my eldest is 8 and some places I will let him go in on his own and wait outside but at other places he will come in with me. I wouldn’t send him into our local park toilets on his own for example or at the bus station.

The woman is a dickhead. Ignore.

Only yesterday online I read of a 10yo boy being photographed in a toilet at a theme park.

Take him in for as long as you feel you need to. It’s a block of individual cubicles. There is NO issue.

As for people having to wait longer - that’s ridiculous. Petty and pathetic.

Ignore anyone tutting. He is YOUR child, they won’t be there for you if he gets molested in the gents toilets.

Personally I’d keep using the ladies rather than the disabled toilets for as long as possible, to keep the disabled toilets free for people with no choice but to use them, but I’d use them when he’s older and he is embarrassed going into the ladies.

As for the woman today, ignore the stupid cow. He’s SEVEN FFS.

As long as you have taught your seven year old to pee in the toilet not on the floor, to put the seat down afterwards , flush then wash his hands then I don't see the problem. If he can't do all of the above then either teach him or send him to the gents with the rest of the floor wetting, seat soaking, germ spreading piggies.

What harm could a 7yr old accompanied by his mother possibly do? The woman's an idiot.

It’s easier for a young lad to come in the ladies then the other way around.

I was in the Turner exhibition in Margate. A man hovered outside whilst his two young daughters came into the ladies. I guess in today’s society he could have ‘identified’ as a woman, and came in, but a few years ago no one would have thought of that. I seem to recall he may have asked a mother to keep an eye on them.

I take my 7 yo in with me usually - BUT at a concert in Central London, where ladies toilets inevitably have massive queues, and the mens' are really busy and not quiet and risky, I'd probably wait outside while he used them instead.

As for people having to wait longer - that’s ridiculous. Petty and pathetic

Petty is it? When your 12 yo DD is too big to ask to push in to the front but is almost wetting herself because the queue is so long, and it's full of boys who could be in the mens? Should I send her into the mens instead? (FYI she has sensory issues that mean she doesn't get much warning that she needs to go, but isn't "disabled" enough to use the disabled toilets).

Plus a lot of "older ladies" have urgency problems, which is probably why she told off the OP. There is an awful lot of ageism around any of these issues.

Just for context: the toilets were completely empty, it was 40 min before the event. Anyone with urgency issues would not have suffered. No queues, 3 people in the whole place with about 10 stalls. My DS does have IBS and a lot of other issues, he is also quite naive and forgetful (sensory problems), so there is no way I would have ever sent him to the gents by himself.

At 7 I would say most places he came in with me with exceptions of places like soft play and similar.

Ignore her