Lies we tell our children

[FirenzeandZooey]

the bird was old and sick

I don't know why that van with the tinkly tune playing keeps driving past our house

mummy was just joking when she said daddy looked like a halfwit in that hat

no the library doesn't have books about guns

that buzzing noise you heard coming from our bedroom last night? That was Mummy using the blender

what's that powder I'm putting in your drink? Its magic fairy dust. Tastes like sugar.

(It's movicol).

When the ice cream van plays that music it means that they've run out of ice creams.

Put the tooth under your pillow and the toothfairy will bring you a shiny coin.
Put the stocking up and Santa will put presents in it if you have been good this year.
Playing playstation on weekdays turns your brain into jelly ...

Actually, that last one isn't a lie is it?

Lies I told my children yesterday:

"There isn't any spinach in it"

"The computer's broken"

"If you splash any more water out of the bath, it will go through the ceiling and break the television"

I'm sure there were more....

oh i like the last one wilbur!!

You can't go into McDonalds because it's an exclusive club and mummy cannot afford the membership fee.

"All the other boys and girls are in bed too"

"Snuggle down and I'll come back in a minute when I've had a wee"

"The sweetie shop isn't open today"

I like 'the ice cream van plays a tune when it's run out'. DS1 still hasn't worked that one out, and he's nearly 6!

(I mostly try to avoid lying, although I do claim that sodding Buzz Lightyear is doing various activities that mean that we cannot watch his bloody DVD for the 76th billionth time. )

lol love the macdonalds one, im actually shocked that i cant think of any lol i do tell a few but the only one i can remember is il come up after ive had me coffee.

Yes obviously telling lies to your children is not a fab idea, but I felt like confessing to a few.

"Oooh, a lovely spider. I love spiders don't you? Let's go very quickly into the other room so we don't disturb him."

lmao,
i tell my 13mo dd not to touch the plug sockets they wil burn! (not to much of fib)
whatever she having to eat is daddies so she eats it all ie cornflakes

mt - we say that in our house too!!!!

Mummy and Daddy are having a lie in because we feel poorly, you can watch telly if you like (Sunday morning lie-in )

Candy floss is sunset clouds ..... so far she believes me.

LOL at the buzzing noise, F&Z.

Similar to your spider one, I have 'Oooh yes, that is a very nice woodlouse isn't it, I would like to have it on my hand but I'm a tiny bit busy right now so tell you what, why don't you hold it instead'. Instead of running away at top speed!

Message withdrawn

I told my DDs that the fancy kids shopping trollies in Tescos are only for boys...

Ooh and another one- that thunder is some grumpy grey clouds crashing into each other. DS was really frightened before I came up with this from nowhere but now loves pretending to be a grumpy cloud when it's thundering!

Oh, Frances, I'm glad you're working hard not to pass on your loofah fear to DS. This time of year must be dreadful for you, they seem to be everywhere, and notably huge. (We have ambitious ones in our house, who keep putting up threads across doorways and so on. )

'No, I don't post about you on Mumsnet.'

Oh God, yes. When I'm mumsnetting "hang on darling, mummy's just got to finish her work".

We tell her that the Highland cattle in a field near us are actually yaks, because she loves the picture of the yak in ABC Zoo and it seems a shame she never gets to see them otherwise.

We used to tell her that the pictures of Christopher Robin in Winnie the Pooh were actually pictures of her.

And I tell her that the coin-operated rides at the supermarket are only for children whose birthday it is.

where did I read that loofahs hate the smell of conkers?
they advised putting them in those mesh laundry tablet bags in cupboards etc to discourage them but I've not yet tried it.
S'pose you could put dishes of them out round the house in pot pourri fashion... [muses]