I’m lost as a parent.

[flamed12]

I have a 7 year old son and 2 year old. I’ve had the evening from hell and feel like I am the worst parent. I dislike one of my parents because of their temper and feel zero connection to them and I try my best but feel like a failure sometimes.

My son is addicted to his PlayStation. I limit it to weekends only but he’ll ask to watch YouTube gamers constantly or talk about the game constantly or ask to play it constantly. I usually say no but it’s so constant that sometimes I’ll be in the heat of the moment (cooking dinner, 2 year old crying from exhaustion) I’ll say yes.

At dinner I’ll ask him to come off and he’ll throw a tantrum. Crying m, hyperventilating and begging.
This happens often and in all sorts of situations.

Tonight for example -

OH is working away for 3 weeks so I’m alone and 2 year old is exhausted. Son is outside playing with friends and at 7pm I ask him to come inside as I want to go upstairs to bath DD and don’t feel comfortable being unable to watch over him or be available.

2 year old is screaming as it’s bath time and she’s exhausted and doesn’t want a bath. When I ask him to come in he screams “waaaahhhhh five minutes”. “no come now please I need to bath DD”. He begins hyperventilating, crying, screaming, begging. I walk upstairs and he follows begging and screaming.

He then comes Into the bathroom clinging to me and begging. Meanwhile two year old is screaming. I ask him to get undressed to get washed and he just keeps saying “noooo please let me have five more minutes”.

I bring a book into the bathroom to read to them to calm them down. Meanwhile they’re both screaming at the top of their lungs and I genuinely can’t take it anymore.

I tell him he’s grounded tomorrow. He then says I think you should take my PlayStation off me at the weekend too. He then says he won’t be able to have breakfast tomorrow since he’s grounded.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Except to let him get his own way constantly. I then threw the book out of the bathroom as I was at my limit. And now I feel like my parent who I hate due to their temper.

I could cry at how lost I feel.

Throw it away. Seriously. It will get so so much worse if you let this continue.

I think there is a serious issue with it
Get rid of it completely

Thanks. I feel awful doing it. It gives him so much joy. He plays with friends in his class but maybe I should just say no.

Tonight’s example was not play station related at all. He hasn’t been on it today. It was due to him coming in from playing with his friends.

Another vote for remove PlayStation indefinitely.

Also some and for you. Sounds like a really tough day x

OP this is not your fault or your parenting...he is addicted, some children do get very attached to these games compared to others.

Just get rid of it for good, say it got broken and has gone, have a plan in place like going straight to the park after telling him and a treat for when he gets back ie favourite tv programme/hot chocolate etc.

Every time he asks repeat the same words, it has broken, repeat, repeat, repeat..nothing else, he will get bored and forget it.....

Please remember this is not normal but is not your parenting at fault.

It’s very difficult. I’ve a much younger ds but have spent many years looking after children
Make dinner in the morning and put it in the slow cooker or peel the veg do the meat
and put in plastic bags in the fridge. Dinner is a stress point in the evening
Don’t bother with a bath every night unless you have to. I often do the bath in the morning or in the paddling pool if it’s good weather. It’s easier to deal with if you’re not trying to do three things at once.
Sometimes accept they’re going to scream and they won’t feel any better for it and it’s pointless. Unfortunately giving in does not make it better in the long run but it is very difficult.

I wonder if taking it away from him completely is a bit extreme. Maybe previous posters missed the fact that the behaviour in the bathroom was wanting to go back outside and play not PlayStation related.

The thing is they all play it at school and if you take it away completely he may feel different to his friends. Maybe you could have a limit which you stick to each day. It will be difficult at first but if you consistently stick to it he should get used to it.

In terms of his behaviour generally have you tried a reward chart? Is he getting enough one on one time with you. Two year olds are so demanding and difficult he may feel a little overlooked at times because two year olds can be so all consuming. You probably do this already but if not how about reading to /with him every night after you have put your little one to bed and chatting about your day etc.

Good luck op. It will get easier x

It gives him so much joy.

It really doesn’t
Look at his behaviour
His stress levels must be through the roof

Is there a reason your 2 year old is being bathed so late? With my younger DCs, everything done when tired takes 3 times as long. Could you move her bath quite a bit earlier? Most kids that age are in bed by 7, it would stop you having to wrangle her when tired, and also mean you have the energy and time to deal with your ds.

He's still very young. With your DH away and his little sister being busy, I wonder if part of his behaviour is to react to being left to his own devices a bit, or even to get your attention. Does he have much time with you without his sister?

Personally I'd address trying to get dd to bed earlier, or if that doesn't work then see if you can have a friend or family member come for a bit and only then cut down on gaming. This way, you can make it a positive thing about time spent together and having fun, away from games/phones and the like. Otherwise you'll end up with 2 screaming children and it will be overwhelming.

‘Bad’ behaviour not surrounding the PlayStation at a particular time can still stem from the PlayStation and if he’s used to having his own way with that he wants his own way with other things plus it just can’t be good for kids to be on these things constantly.

Being a parent is so hard though. You really do have my sympathy and I’ve screamed and shouted and thrown things far far far too many times too.

Okay, your right - saying it’s broken will probably be easier than saying no. But he’s also got a switch where he plays the same addictive game on. And the youtubers he watches. I just want my 7 year old back . Maybe I should just do a blanket ban but he will possibly hate me even more than I feel like he currently does.

He just seems to struggle with “no”. Tonight’s ordeal was not PlayStation related. He was playing football with friends and because it was time up he couldn’t handle it without a massive tantrum. He only stopped crying at 8:30pm - I brought him inside at 7pm.

I seem to escalate too which I hate. I’ll say your grounded for a day, a week. Still screaming and begging 30 mins later and suggesting more punishments “I think you should take my PS off me, not give me breakfast etc” and as my patience is thin I’ll say ok then “no PlayStation or whatever other punishment comes to mind” and this results in more tantrums and screaming and then more punishments and it’s a continuous cycle where my temper slowly rises and rises.

I feel awful, tonight he was clinging to my legs screaming and crying and I pushed him off. He looked scared and I said I’m sorry I shouldn’t do that but please stop. And then he says “but you pushed me and then acts like he’s now in a mood with me (instead of screaming and crying). I have no idea what to do anymore.

What should my first steps be when he screams and cry’s and begs and clings to me?

Why is he saying you should do XYZ? I don’t understand that part.

It's not about the Playstation really. You've kind of admitted it in your OP, you think it's just easier to give him what he wants. He knows this and knows throwing a strop gets him what he wants.

You have to start saying no. As hard as it is. Get your DS when he's calm and explain the tantrums have to stop, he won't get his own way if he has one. And follow through every time he does it.

It's not easy. My youngest is a nightmare for it still and my eldest has decided to copy him. They both know now complaining won't change my mind. They still complain, but I chant the mantra back at them 'complaining won't change my mind'!

It's not easy. Especially when you're on your own. Look at what you can do to make your day easier. Does the 2 YO need a bath every night?

Use the PlayStation to your advantage, don’t remove completely. My 8yr old dd earns time on her beloved horse game by cooperating, doing her school work and reading each night. It can be a really effective incentive to get your child to do all the things he/she doesn’t really fancy doing first. His meltdown wasn’t even in connection with the PS4.

Also, 7 seems quite late to bath a two year old. My three year old is so exhausted he’s in bed by then x

He is left to his own devices a lot which admittedly I feel ashamed of. But I honestly do try. It’s hard with the two year old and whilst I’m playing dolls houses with her he’ll watch tv/play outside/play his games. I guess it’s an easy trap to fall into.

I always read to him and tuck him in but it can be rushed if I have things to do in the evening like a shower/housework.

I guess he probably is crying out for my time and attention but sometimes he genuinely feels so uninterested and fine not doing anything with me. I crave time with him but he would always rather do something else.

I’m going to make it my mission to make time every day for him.

I really think that at 7 years old he is way too young for multiple consoles and YouTubers. Get rid of them all.

Sit with him and do boardgames and jigsaws. Or sit with him and watch maybe 30 mins of tv that he enjoys - mine loved cooking programs
Find things that engage him...

@ThanksDriver

I’ll say “okay your not going out to play tomorrow”

He’ll say “why don’t you just make that a week I’ve not to go out and play” as if “I don’t care that means nothing to me.”

Jeez
Sounds like he is totally desensitised to any punishments or knows you’ll go back on it so it doesn’t matter what/how bad the punishment is because it won’t happen anyway.

If Bath and bedtime is an issue can you maybe bath them alternately each night? That time of night in my house is when tempers fray too.

He’ll do that every single time I try to impose a punishment. He’ll always try to make suggestions to me for more punishments. And at the time it’s infuriating.

Bless, what you've written about him in your update does just sound like he wants the attention. I know how hard it is. My youngest was an absolute bloody nightmare at 2 and I had a 4yo at the time. Try to engage with him and I think you'll be surprised. Ask him about the games he's interested in. If he has a switch, is there something a bit more family friendly you could even play together with the 2YO with you? We've just got one and enjoy family games of Mario kart.

I don't think you have to punish him when he says no or has a tantrum. Just tell him to do what he's been asked now. If he doesn't turn the Playstation off, you calmly turn it off. Don't rise to it.

My 8 and 3 yr olds also have their moments. You have my sympathy!

Op it is really hard, but l would suggest set punishments and then don't increase them, distract him.

I don't allow my ds to watch you tube and he is 11 as he would watch junk videos for hours....

Untill the age of 12 both mine had only a Wii console with active games, that was it, and were allowed a set hour for this.

I think consistancy is the key here, decide on rules, write them on a poster, explain to him and stick to it, be calm.Don't engage when he asks for more punishments, just say 'no this is the consequence, l am not discussing it again' and don't!

Avoid late bathtime, l used to do a very quick shower with mine in the morning with me, pretty effortless really. Prep dinner earlier if at all possible as evenings are tough!

I agree with Fatted stop suggesting punishments. It's not working and he's using it to wind you up.

Just ignore the bad behaviour /tantrums and be completely consistent. You sound like you are completely worn out. Try and make some time somewhere for you too. X

Thanks for being understanding. I think the rule setting idea is good (even just for me so I don’t back track etc.)

I think (especially with more than one child) a routine is a godsend.
Come in from playing/off consoles at a certain time every single day whether it be weekday or weekend
Tea at a certain time
Bath at a certain time
And bed at a certain time...for both kids