I just overheard my MIL b@#ching about my parenting skills

[Lorelei2]

I overheard her say along the lines of she's tried many times to get through to me about controlling my DD but to no avail. (She was saying this to my SIL because she was also talking about me). I was eavesdropping on the stairs. They're visiting us and staying with us in our house and they thought I was in the bathroom with the kids. The other thing to mention is they think my youngest is worse than my eldest and treat her more harshly and they certainly believe I don't discipline her enough. I also overheard how my kids are seemingly well behaved with them but when I return they play up so it's obvious who the problem is (me). I just feel sad that it has been confirmed to me that they think i'm not parenting how I should and it angers me that they are judging me in my own home. I know I was eavesdropping which is bad but my DH went down and told them off when I told him about it. Which I wasn't happy about because now it's so awkward. What was meant to be a happy family holiday is now everyone being fake nice to each other. I do feel for my DD though because it seems she always gets it in the neck from them. They say things like, what's she crying about now? Etc. And, to make matters worse, we have my SIL's DD with us too who's 2 years old and can do no wrong in PIL's eyes. My DD (4) is finding sharing her toys difficult with her cousin and there are many flashpoints. Just wondered if anyone has had a similar experience, being judged and overhearing.

Poor you and your poor daughter. I am glad things are getting a bit better but I think your in laws have behaved terribly. It must be very hard for your little girl to have people staying., playing with her toys and getting all the attention of course she is tantruming she is angry and upset and that is her way of letting it out. She really can't help it. Give her loads of attention. Try to ignore your in laws who bh sound terrible
I'm glad your husband is standing up for you and your daughter. You sound like a lovely caring family. Good luck and remember they will be leaving soon and you can get back no normal

My ex mother in law sent me a text which was supposed to go to her daughter. They were both totally slagging me off. It's a horrible feeling.

At least she isn’t accusing your of child abuse like my MIL does (for not letting my unwilling eater 3 year old drink bottle after bottle of milk)

NoArmaniNoPunani, GregoryPeckingDuck these sound awful. Yes, it could be a lot worse. I know what my PIL are like and I try to see the good points. Just overhearing them confirms what I knew already, that they think I can't discipline. But I also know that everyone speaks about everyone , especially in families, because the ties are so close, you know each other's personalities so well and when there's kids there's that added pressure for things to work out well. This evening my DS read to his little cousin and my DD went and gave her a goodnight kiss, so we're on the right track. There will still be a few flashpoints before they leave but we're all working through them. I think even my SIL is realising that my DD is giving up a lot by letting her DD play with her toys. So fingers crossed the next few days go well. Which I think they will, because quite often things have to come to a bit of a head before they get better. And, at the end of the day, everyone, especially kids,just want to feel included and loved unconditionally.

SIL will be in your shoes soon enough, she may be realising that.

Argh, it's been all of 2 weeks since they left us and MIL's on the phone putting the pressure on for us to commit to travelling 400 miles to see them during first week of summer holidays, leaving my DS (the favourite one) with them for a few days, then coming to stay with us for who knows how long during our summer holidays! Where does she get off? My DH thankfully agrees this is a bit much and doesn't want to go and spend the first week of our hols in their house where our kids would be told off constantly and our DD singled out as being the difficult one. He's had it, the way they favourite our DS and always say our DD is badly behaved. I hate it because I know if a child is branded as a pest beforehand chances are they'll play up to it because they're being treated differently. I need tips as to how to deal with an overbearing MIL who guilt trips if things don't go her way. For fucks sake, I'm almost 40, when am I going to be able to decide what goes on in my home?

Just say no to it all. I wouln't want to leave my DS with her either... God knows what rubbish she might spout about you and DD while he's alone there.

Thinking again, I need to try to remain level headed and not let my heart rule my head. Yes, she did hurt me when she bitched about my parenting but everyone talks about everyone and I believe she felt ashamed when my DH told her off about it. Bearing a grudge is hard work and I should instead see the positives of having PIL who actually want to spend time with us. My own parents are the opposite. They'll spend time with us, but not too much time. They say it's because they don't want to encroach on us, and it is partly that, but it's also they just don't really want to but at least my PIL really want to and my DC do look forward to them coming (every holiday!) So they benefit from their visits. It will be better anyway aswell because I'm going to be working from home soon so PIL won't be left with DC alone during the day. I'll be around to monitor! So I can diffuse a situation, so if my DD is suffering from them singling her out as being bad I'll be on hand for cuddles. Sorry for venting

Yes, I agree MrsJonesandme my DH and I are agreed we're not going to theirs and definitely not leaving our DS. He would think he's being punished and our DD would wonder why they didn't want her.