.......................the sensitive child...................................

[TaLcYo]

Saw this term mentioned on a thread recently.

Never heard of it before.

Have done a little online googling, could be helpful in relating to dd1.

Any thoughts on it?
tia

Talcy - not so much that the teachers have been noticeably helpful, though they MAY have been in ways I would remain unaware of. (It is startling to realise how much of school life remains undivulged to parents!).

Just that her school report, the class teacher's paragraph at the end, talks of her "valuing her friendships, but is also a very independent little girl with her own focus and this is a super strength to her character". (aged 7).

At my first ever parent's evening,( recpetion) she was very wrongly charaterised as being 'as hard as nails', and taking evrything on a 'we'll see' basis.Untrusting. I knew this wasn't the case at the time, and that she is the HSC sort that hangs back until she is 'satisfied' that she knows as much as she can before committing herself. This is wrongly perceived as ultra-reserve, hesitancy, lack of confidence etc. ( The book talks alot about this.)
Now, her report read "X is a gentle, trustworthy and popular member of the class with a positive approach to school life".

How it has changed my approach to her is to have anxieties melt away. She knows her own mind, takes time to process things, expect her to 'feel hurt' to a great extent when others hurt, and the notion of "shyness" is long gone. There are lots of other relevant pointers from the book that dovetailed with my own observations of dd, but they have withered on the vine now and are no longer part of my 'concerns' about her.

Besides which, Ihaven't been able to check back, as I no longer have it....>

J20 - not a problem, will let you know when Amazon deliver it

Pan, you may be a right royal pain in the arse, but you're a lovely dad.

thanks, greengotts...I think..

fine i'll buy my own

that is so positive pan, .
lol@greeny

Ta for responses...i do feel more positive about dd1, correction...about our attitude towards dd...i see a lot of me in her...

Yes, I do indeed have your copy

And one day you shall have it back.......

TAlcy - HSC was a real revelation to me. Regarding me and my DD.

I've always hated the term "shy", and am reluctant to use it now with DD (but other folk dont particularly understand the premise of HSC to enable me to skirt around using it). I will say though, to teachers at DD's pre-school, and people that come in contact with her that she is not "shy". She just likes to take a step back and review situations, rather than diving straight in.

I also like to remind people that the entire population isnt made up of 'extroverts'. In fact, that only accounts for approx 25%. There is an equal amount of 'shy' types so, they are not a minority thats for sure. For every 4 people you meet, one of them will be much like you are.

I was worried about DD when she was younger (she is 4 now), because I know how difficult I found things when I was younger, and how folk would tilt their head sideways and say "awww nevermind, she just very shy".

I dont feel that way about her at all now. I try and embrace her sensitive side, and see it as a beautiful quality. If she doesnt want to wander in to a group activity straight off - thats fine. I dont push her to speak (except to mind her manners). Do buy the book (or if i manage to get the book back to Pan, perhaps he'll lend it to you )

She gets on just fine at pre-school, and had her first playdate on friday (with a boy, lol)

Thanks vvv.....dd was always called shy when she was smaller. She is 8.6 now, has much more confidence [have done my best with nurturing her, thinks this comes from my previous life as an RNMH or RNLD as it;s now called]. The aspects that still catch me off guard are.....worrying about death, feeling deeply hurt for others, difficulty in accepting criticism or advice, sudden profound statements and the need to know the facts about everything she sees and hears!

Yes, K dd often appears to be very extrovert...then it all becomes too much, and runs off to hide

i remember leaving my own birthday parties to sit in my bedroom alone!

The deeply hurt for others - I have this with DD too. Even with inanimate objects that break she can get very upset.

The best thing I can do is reassure her, and try and show her that its 'okay' to feel this way, and for others to feel upset, sad, hurt etc. Just talking through things helps her too.

We havent covered death or mortality much yet, but she did say the other week "xxx's dad is broken isnt he? He cant be fixed can he?"

am off to bed now vvv......we wouldn't have them any other way, would we!?!

People who say "Isn't she shy?!" need a good talking to.
Possibilities:

1. They aren't shy. Soo, no, she isn't.
2. They ARE shy, and this state of self-consciousness will not be helped by a total stranger pointing it out to them.

yes K. - it's not as if it's new!!