Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Feeling ashamed of my mistake

36 replies

Vasilisa19 · 09/04/2019 15:41

Toddler having a meltdown (one of many), I was trying to get her into the pushchair to take her home. She kicks out at me. MIL asks me why she is having a tantrum and I said '..she's just horrible at the moment'. As soon as I said it I felt so ashamed, went home, cried and hugged my DD and apologised.

MIL is still angry at me and told everyone what I said at a family gathering. I feel deeply ashamed... want to get it off my chest so I can learn and move forward. Anyone else struggling with tantrums?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

barryfromclareisfit · 09/04/2019 15:46

Forgive yourself. Move on.

INeedNewShoes · 09/04/2019 15:46

Ignore your MIL. I don't know any parents who don't very occasionally, at the end of their tether, say daft negative things about their toddler.

Your MIL should have recognised that maybe you needed some support. She's behaving like a bitch to make it into a story at a family gathering.

My 2 year old has been very trying these past few days. I'm afraid that last night I lost my temper and told her she was 'so selfish'. Ridiculous thing to say; of course she's selfish - 2 year olds can't reason that their behaviour might be upsetting for someone else.

LittleMissHappy19 · 09/04/2019 15:46

Your mil sounds like a nightmare! She has obviously had children, and knows how hard being a parent can be sometimes!

Dont feel ashamed at all for your comment!! When you're dealing with tantrums day in day out, we all say things sometimes that we dont mean!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

pelirocco123 · 09/04/2019 15:48

Toddlers having trantrums are horrible , ( and I think you are putting it mildy ) Unless you are very lucky there will be times that you will really really dislike your child and contemplate running away from home
There will be times you wonder why you bother because no matter what you do they wont appreciate it , and frankly treat you like dirt
The good news is they will probably have children of their own , then you can laugh at them

Stop giving yourself unrealistic expectations , most if not all parents just muddle through as best they can , expect the horrible moments , most inportantly make the child aware they are acting in a horrible way and you wont tolerate it , you are in charge
Then put them to bed , let someone else be in charge of them and have a large drink

Connieston · 09/04/2019 15:49

Toddlers can be horrible! It's horrible to be kicked and yelled at. YANBU. You could have said something faaaar worse....

pelirocco123 · 09/04/2019 15:51

Actually the poster who says we all say things we dont mean is wrong . There is nothing wrong with telling your child they are beng horrible
What is wrong is telling them they are beng horrible and then saying to them sorry mummy didnt mean it

Connieston · 09/04/2019 15:52

It's horrible to have someone judging your parenting too, so extra sympathy for that. I hate criticism, always sought to avoid conflict but after 12 years of mothering I've got a thicker skin and got better at ignoring unhelpful and judgy comments. I'll take a moment to think if they have a point but ultimately I'm in charge and if I had good reasons they can piss off!

Lew1993 · 09/04/2019 15:54

Don't feel ashamed at all!! Your MIL should feel ashamed for making a big deal out of a little comment and trying to embarrass you at a family gathering.

You're obviously a fab mum for even feeling upset with yourself (which you shouldn't, toddler tantrums are awful and there's a lot worse that could have been said!)

Don't beat yourself up about it

Drogosnextwife · 09/04/2019 15:55

She was being horrible. My DS's are horrible sometimes and I have no problem telling them they are being horrible. You shouldn't feel bad. Tell mil to keep her nose out.

notacooldad · 09/04/2019 16:00

Well your toddler was horrible at that moment.
I remember those moments well.

For goodness sake stop beating yourself up about it, its perfectly normal!

Mine are grown up now. I found parenting went through waves of being lovely to be hugely challenging. There have been times when I couldnt stand to be in the same room as them and other times I wanted to shout from the roof tops how proud I am of them.
All normal!!!

I think your MIL has forgotten what toddlers are like!

frenchonion · 09/04/2019 16:01

Omg seriously don't worry about it! Its a total non issue! I can't count how many conversations with mums of toddlers (myself included in the past!) who've said similar. My 8 year old is currently going through a phase of being a bit of a dick

The only issue is your bloody MIL making a big deal out of nothing. What's she playing at?!

SoyDora · 09/04/2019 16:01

I have said things like this before, and it wouldn’t occur to me to feel bad about it! Sometimes they are horrid.

pallisers · 09/04/2019 16:03

Your MIL is horrible. If she told me that in shocked tones (Vasilia said her dd was horrible!!) I'd laugh at her.

What you said was very mild for the parent of a tantrumming toddler.

IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 16:04

As a one off saying a toddler is ‘horrible at the moment’ isn’t going to do a single bit of harm! Stop beating yourself up!

Your MIL is a nasty cow. Stop visiting her, let her Dad take her around if he wants to.

Toddlers CAN be hideous little grot bags, to pretend otherwise is ridiculous.

Giving them (non) choices helps them feel they have more say in things, without actually making any difference to you...’Do you want to climb into your buggy or shall I lift you in?’ ‘Do you want to wear the blue T-shirt or the green one?’ ‘Do you want x or y for lunch? Not ‘What Do you want to wear/eat’ etc.

Some respond to cajoling, some to explaining, some to being told...but sometimes you just have to ignore the tantrum and crack on with what needs doing. Like putting them into the buggy protesting’ that’s life isn’t it? Their relentless kicking against everything you want IS tiring, but it will pass.

Avoiding judgemental wind bags will help your sanity no end 😉

Original poster

Vasilisa19 · 09/04/2019 16:04

Thank you. Just had another quick cry at your kind responses. I think I may be tired and hormonal...I will forget it and move on.

Thanks again. x

OP posts:

Cloud9889 · 09/04/2019 16:18

If she was being horrible then there surely is not much hard telling her that occasionally. Or ‘I find your behaviour horrible / difficult’. I think the issue is if you had said YOU are horrible - as that is labelling. All you have done is label an action or behaviour as horrible you haven’t actually said she IS a horrible child. Your MIL sounds like a dick

lovelylondonsky · 09/04/2019 16:20

Kids can be horrible sometimes! Honestly, there was nothing wrong with what you said.

Your mil on the other hand actually does sound horrible.

Supergrassyknoll · 09/04/2019 16:27

Fuck your MiL, you've done nothing wrong, we all lose our shit occasionally when our toddlers play up after hour upon hour, we all then feel terrible afterwards and this is completely normal.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 09/04/2019 16:28

Your toddler was behaving horribly. They are not going to remember or be traumatised by you voicing your frustration once (or even occasionally). Were you extra-stressed perhaps by your MIL's presence and failure to assist? The only surprising bit about your story is that your MIL managed to make it newsworthy - I bet most people she told are still waiting for the punchline!

Chin up, it will get better eventually.

BlueEyedBengal · 09/04/2019 16:29

Mum of 6 here! Forgive yourself everyone has children that have a off day you did the right thing with the hug. I do feel sorry for you having such an unhelpful judgmental nasty piece of work m I l , she should hang her head in shame. Ask your husband I bet he had quite a few tantrums as children are human they need to vent their emotions at times she's not perfect, no one is!

Someoneonlyyouknow · 09/04/2019 16:53

Also, although you don't need to apologise to your DD when you have (justifiably) told her that her behaviour is unacceptable you have taken the opportunity to show her how to say sorry, in a sincere way. She is still too young to control her emotions and frustrations, so will carry on behaving like a toddler sometimes, but when she is old enough to understand how her actions can affect others she will know how to own up to mistakes and make amends.

CatWhisker · 09/04/2019 18:10

Your mil has reacted as if you'd said "She's a horrible child and i hate her" or you'd smacked her or something, not that you just said she was horrible at that time! Forgive yourself!

tisonlymeagain · 09/04/2019 18:14

Kids are horrible sometimes. I've said a lot worse about mine! Forgive yourself, you didn't say or do anything wrong.

Newyearsameoldshit · 09/04/2019 18:19

Toddlers can be horrible.
Mothers in law can be horrible.

Cut yourself some slack.

chloechloe · 09/04/2019 19:32

Go easy on yourself! We all find our kids horrible at times. Anyone who says otherwise is lying or deluded. Your MIL though - what a cow! We all say things we don’t mean when toddlers are pushing our buttons and it’s really horrible of her to make such a drama of it.

Be kind to yourself, you’re a great mum as evidenced by the fact that you’re beating yourself up about this! Bad mums say far worse without thinking about it.

Flip

1 2