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MIL seems to suddenly despise me...

33 replies

Kiki92 · 04/04/2019 15:07

Before my son (10 months) came along my MIL and I got along fine. But since my LO's arrival everything has changed.

At first she was distant and borderline uninterested in him. In the first 9 months of his life she saw him 4 times out of choice. I tried to plan visits, days out, etc etc, but these plans were either ignored, rejected, or cancelled. A couple of times she even stood us up at agreed upon destinations. During this period she did however offer to have him for a full weekend. But I declined because:
A) My son barely knew her then.

B) She is unreliable and scatty. She's known to disappear for days at a time and not tell anyone where she's going.

Now, suddenly, out of the blue she's decided to make a proper effort, which is lovely obviously, but she's brought a really cutting attitude along with her. Since making an effort she's seen him 3 times and each time I've been made to feel awful.

These are some of the comments I had to endure on Mother's Day:

"Why would you dress him like THAT?"

"Mummy doesn't have a brain, does she?" (Said to my son).

"Why do you still feed him at night? All you ever do is molleycoddle him."

"It's completely down to you that he's not walking yet."

"Your home is far too small for a child."

"You're not having a massive party for his first birthday? That's selfish!"

"I wouldn't order a hot chocolate if I were you. This is why you haven't lost all of your baby weight."

I feel like she genuinely hates me, and all I've ever done is try to involve her. My partner says nothing and he doesn't see an issue, which leads me to believe that I'm being over sensitive. She never used to speak to me like this.

Is this solely down to me refusing to allow her access for a weekend in the early days?

Opinions?

OP posts:
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HumphreyCobblers · 04/04/2019 15:10

You are not being over sensitive. She is incredibly rude. How can your partner not see this?

I would call her out on her rudeness every time. You really shouldn't have to put up with it.

haudyer · 04/04/2019 15:12

I'd be avoiding her. It isn't you; it is her. And your partner needs to stick up for you.

Ooogetyooo · 04/04/2019 15:13

You have a partner issue not a MIL issue

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Chocolateisfab · 04/04/2019 15:14

No law says you need to see her. Very liberating dumping ils.
Ime.

FrozenMargarita17 · 04/04/2019 15:15

That's so rude! I wouldn't bother with her any more.

BertrandRussell · 04/04/2019 15:16

Don’t invite her again. If your dp wants a relationship with her for himself or the child he can organise it completely- at her house. Or at yours- with plenty of warning so you can choose to be somewhere else. else.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2019 15:18

Is this solely down to me refusing to allow her access for a weekend in the early days?

No it's down to her being an arsehole. I wouldn't be there at all when she's there. Ever. If your 'partner' won't say anything, will he support you to say it?

DocusDiplo · 04/04/2019 15:20

Tell her to fuck off.
Not literally, but do not be polite to her.!
Horrid woman

Chocolateisfab · 04/04/2019 15:24

You need to call her out on every comment ime. Exmil used to comment on any mess. Reminded her where the door was..
Ironing pile wasn't her business..
Dc being vegi not her concern as she wasn't doing the cooking..

Kiki92 · 04/04/2019 15:25

This is comforting to here.

It will cause colossal issues if I refuse to see her though. My partner works away 90% of the time, so I'm expected to plan visits with her, and she's worse on a 1 on 1.

OP posts:
TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 04/04/2019 15:33

Wow, that's incredibly rude!! I wouldn't be seeing her if at all possible. It's crazy imo that babies go to grandparents for weekends that young. I have almost 7 month old DS and he's not had any overnight visits, our parents haven't been asking yet either although my folks will be childminding one day a week when I return to work.

She sounds crazy to expect such z small baby without knowing them at all!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/04/2019 15:34

Next time (if there is one, personally I wouldn't bother keeping in contact with a nasty shit like her and that would include anyone else who talks to me like that too) I'd call her out on it and say 'Excuse me?! What exactly is your problem?'. Also your partner needs to start acting like one, he can always go live with his Mum if he doesn't see a problem with her behaviour towards you.

Ooogetyooo · 04/04/2019 15:35

You're expected to visit? What the hell does that even mean ? You're an adult. Decide for yourself whether you want to visit. Why visit her and take the abuse from her and then moan about it. Get tough .

PepsiLola · 04/04/2019 15:36

Keep pointing it out to her "wow that was rude" "did you mean to be so rude then" "I imagine you wouldn't like it if I said that you you" "if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all"

Etc etc.

I wouldn't bother with her personally, you don't owe her your time

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2019 15:36

There is no obligation to be polite to people who don't bother.

Just get up and leave if she says something. And tell her why. She'll either stop doing it, or you stop seeing her.

burritofan · 04/04/2019 15:38

She's a twat and so's your DP if he has no issue with any of those comments.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/04/2019 15:40

Your partner can 'expect' all he wants, she's his mother, if he's that bothered he can arrange to see her til she decides to buck her ideas up and start treating you civilly. I'm assuming it was his decision to work away most of the time, that's his problem to solve especially if she's being horrible to you.

Mrskeats · 04/04/2019 15:46

If my parents spoke to my husband like that I would not see them. It's not ok to act or talk like that. Standing you up is disgraceful.

ShinyRuby · 04/04/2019 15:47

I bet you wouldn't put up with a friend or other relative saying such awful things. Definitely call her out on it & see what the rude cow has to say for herself. No way should you put up with this, she's already trying to belittle you in front of your ds. As for being expected to visit & spend time with her...sod that & tell your dh exactly why. Please don't just put up with it. She'll probably back off a mile if you stick up for yourself.

Nuttyaboutnutella · 04/04/2019 15:54

If my parents spoke to my DP like that, I'd be seriously pissed off and tell them to stop. If they didn't, I'd minimise contact with them.

I'd tell your partner that he's either with you, tell her to pack it in or I'd refuse point blank to see her at all.

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/04/2019 15:58

Every time she says something like that you need to start packing up and leave. Let her know you left because of the comment and do it every time. Limit meeting her too, life is too short to spend it being nice to people who don't respect you. Good luck because she is going to moan to your partner.

HJWT · 04/04/2019 15:59

MIL If you want to keep on with your shitty comments you can say them to yourself... at home... no were near me or MY son 😁😁😁

That should shut her up

FookMeFookYou · 04/04/2019 16:01

Your partner is complicit in her behaviour which makes her think she has the green light to continue speaking to you like a piece of shit. Tell her in no uncertain terms that if she cannot be civil and respectful in your home then she is not welcome. This is the sort of bollox my MIL used to pull with me and it only got worse - I've been NC since Jan 2016. You DON'T have to put up with it.

Chocolateisfab · 04/04/2019 16:06

In 8 years I never agreed to see ils alone.

And they never had my mobile number either!!

Littlechocola · 04/04/2019 16:06

Tell her she’s being rude!

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