MIL seems to suddenly despise me...

[Kiki92]

Before my son (10 months) came along my MIL and I got along fine. But since my LO's arrival everything has changed.

At first she was distant and borderline uninterested in him. In the first 9 months of his life she saw him 4 times out of choice. I tried to plan visits, days out, etc etc, but these plans were either ignored, rejected, or cancelled. A couple of times she even stood us up at agreed upon destinations. During this period she did however offer to have him for a full weekend. But I declined because:
A) My son barely knew her then.

B) She is unreliable and scatty. She's known to disappear for days at a time and not tell anyone where she's going.

Now, suddenly, out of the blue she's decided to make a proper effort, which is lovely obviously, but she's brought a really cutting attitude along with her. Since making an effort she's seen him 3 times and each time I've been made to feel awful.

These are some of the comments I had to endure on Mother's Day:

"Why would you dress him like THAT?"

"Mummy doesn't have a brain, does she?" (Said to my son).

"Why do you still feed him at night? All you ever do is molleycoddle him."

"It's completely down to you that he's not walking yet."

"Your home is far too small for a child."

"You're not having a massive party for his first birthday? That's selfish!"

"I wouldn't order a hot chocolate if I were you. This is why you haven't lost all of your baby weight."

I feel like she genuinely hates me, and all I've ever done is try to involve her. My partner says nothing and he doesn't see an issue, which leads me to believe that I'm being over sensitive. She never used to speak to me like this.

Is this solely down to me refusing to allow her access for a weekend in the early days?

Opinions?

Don’t arrange visits with her. If her son has chosen to spent 90% of his time away from home, that’s his decision. He need to fit his social life into the remaining 10%.

His job to keep up with his family .

Honestly, don't arrange to see her - who cares what you're 'supposed' to do - don't comply just because they're treating you badly.
Can your mum come along if you really must visit her?

Your DH thinks these comments are absolutely fine??

Just don't do it op. If she can't be civil there is just no need. Just make yourself unavailable it's really easy if you try. "Sorry we already have plans that day.." if she invites you somewhere would do it every time.

Doesn't matter if she's offended. She is treating you appallingly. She doesn't deserve your time or your dc's time. If dp questions it just be straight with him, explain why & continue to avoid. If you have to go to family stuff insist that he stays with you at all times because presumably she won't dare say anything like that when he's there.

Had a "d"p with a mother just like that. He was spineless. She was a right manipulating so and so. Not the reason he's an ex but she made the world hard work and that's the reason she very rarely saw her dgd from his previous relationship.

No you don't need to see her. It doesn't matter if your partner works away 90% of the time or not, and you certainly shouldn't be expected to spend time around someone who treats you in such a nasty way. If she's rude to you then I don't see why you should have to be in her company. And you don't want this attitude being reinforced in front of your dc either. Children copy the way adults act- so if she shows you a lack of respect/rudeness then your dc will think that this is the way to treat you.

When you do see her and she says something rude to you then you need to tell her she's being rude. Pull her up on it every time without fail. She treats you like shit anyway so you've got nothing to lose by confronting her.

These comments are not ok. Don't put up with it. It's hard enough being a new mum, especially with your partner away so often. you do not need this negativity in your life. Keep contact to a minimum and refuse to meet up with her.

You need to tell her that you won't put up with her being rude to you. If she tries to deny it or suggest you are over-reacting then point out these examples. Has your DP heard her doing this or have you complained to him afterwards? Could you have someone else with you if you see her again, someone who won't be shy about calling her out on her unacceptable behaviour.

She needs to change or you definitely don't need to see her again. The only reason I can imagine for her rudeness is that she has discovered that a lot of her ideas on parenting are out-of-date so she is trying to belittle you? This is not a justification , however.

Not being harsh OP but seriously don't put up with this.

She's a rude bitch, why would anyone talk to another human like that, let alone her DIL.

Can't stand nasty people.

Tell her to fuck off