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Parenting

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Original poster

3 year old only wearing pyjamas

58 replies

Dominate2016 · 03/04/2019 12:08

Hello

I have a 3 year old DD who is absolutely wonderful.

BUT......

She only wears pyjamas. She flatly refuses to wear ANYTHING else..and its not any pyjamas, she only has three pairs she'll wear. She's not at nursery yet, she starts in September.

This all started after/whilst potty training about two months ago and it hasn't got any better. I did try stopping the potty training in case it was all too much for her, but she refused and wanted to use the toilet and potty.

She did go through a phase of about a week refusing to wear any clothing and refusing to leave the house. In the end i got her to leave but only in pyjamas and its stayed like that ever since. If i forcefully dress her she kicks and screams then ends up taking everything off, and tbh i dont think its worth getting her that stressed over it. But it's stressing me out now. She is my first girl and has a wardrobe FULL of beautiful clothes and shes growing out of them and tbh its heartbreaking to me, because i feel like a complete failure, also i have to constantly keep her pyjamas clean and in rotation and with two other children its stressful to constantly juggle the washing. My mum told me today that shes 'never heard' of a child behaving like this and to be honest has made me feel so shitty. I feel so judged when i take her out because she looks so messy, she wont let anyone cut her hair, and she rarely lets me brush it so she looks totally neglected.

I've tried giving her clothing options, playing games with her, bribery, pretending to emotional blackmail (lol)...i.e. pretending to cry. Ive even left the house in pyjamas myself to make out how 'silly' it is and nothing!!!

I even told her i was going to give all her clothes away and she said no at first then started to help me pack them up in bin bags!!! (i didnt actually give them away)

Can anyone help me!? and has anyone else gone through this? Im worried because summer is approaching and shes going to be boiling in pyjamas!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Pizzaaddict · 03/04/2019 12:09

You’re engaging too much in my opinion. You are the adult and you need to say THIS is what you are wearing, she has no choice!

Original poster

Dominate2016 · 03/04/2019 12:12

see ive tried that to...being assertive and it ends up she just doesn't leave the house and when she says anything i just say 'its your choice' I leave the clothes on the side and she just ignores them, or throws them...

OP posts:

Romax · 03/04/2019 12:16

* She flatly refuses *

She’s 3 OP. 3.

You don’t watch peppa until we get you into clothes

We don’t go out to playground until we get you in to some clothes

We don’t leave your bedroom until we get you in to some clothes

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Families General parenting Potty training

Original poster

Dominate2016 · 03/04/2019 12:17

I dont understand how i can not give her a choice without forcing her to put the clothing on...because if i force her she just takes it all off anyway...

OP posts:

Pizzaaddict · 03/04/2019 12:17

But she has no choice in whether she leaves the house. You pick her up and carry her out and if she wants to scream she can scream. Honestly I really think while she is young you have to make sure you don’t pander (for want of a better word) to this. You tell her what is happening, and that is what happens. She is one child in your family and she doesn’t rule the roost.

Lllot5 · 03/04/2019 12:19

I know 3 year olds can be wilful but you really need to put your foot down. Won’t get dressed then dress her. Won’t leave the house pick her up and carry her out the house. Can’t let her be in charge.

Romax · 03/04/2019 12:19

My son at same age didn’t want to wear his winter coat.

Fine. One bitterly cold Feb we went to playground without winter coat. The looks I got! He was feeezing. 10 mins in crying and begging for coat. I didn’t bring it. We trudged home. He was so cold.

Never refused winter coat again

Thebookswereherfriends · 03/04/2019 12:19

Pyjamas are super comfy and a lot of clothes are not- you need to find clothes a bit like pyjamas and then remove the pyjamas. Talk it through her, empathise with her over how comfy she is, but tell her that she cannot wear pyjamas out if the house. Tell her she can change back into them as soon as you get home, but clothes must be worn. If she kicks off and says she’s not leaving the house then you empathise again, take off the pyjamas and leave the house with her in her underwear and when you get outside offer her the clothes. You have to be consistent and persistent. It is a phase and a way for her to be in control. Try giving her more control in other areas.

Romax · 03/04/2019 12:20

And you don’t threaten to bin the clothes!

You threaten to bin the pjs

And go ahead if she continues to kick up a fuss

missyB1 · 03/04/2019 12:21

She's 3. You are the adult. She can't "refuse to leave the house". Sorry but you need to step up and be the parent. And she actually needs you to do this for her. It's not fair on a 3 year old to give them the kind of power and responsibility you are giving her. Kids need to know the adults are steering the ship. It makes them insecure if they think the adults can't cope with being in charge.

Burn the bloody PJs if you have to, stop allowing them to even be an option. And stop allowing her to dictate when you can and can't leave the house - it's madness!

Original poster

Dominate2016 · 03/04/2019 12:22

i've done all that. I've taken stuff anyway that she still hasn't had back...i've seriously never had such a stubborn child as this before! I feel like pulling my hair out!

OP posts:

Dominate2016 · 03/04/2019 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

campion · 03/04/2019 12:26

Get rid of the pyjamas. It'll be traumatic at first but you realise you're on a hiding to nothing trying to reason with a 3 year old. Even if there are sensory issues underlying this you'll have to persevere and get her into other clothes. But maybe think about the easiest and comfiest options.

RaspberryBubblegum · 03/04/2019 12:26

Would Romax's idea not work op? Get rid of the pj's and say she either has to wear clothes or be cold? Take her out in the back garden maybe?

DiscoDown · 03/04/2019 12:29

How about trying her with leggings or jogging bottoms? My DS doesn't like jeans etc but finds joggers quite comfy and will wear those happily.

CrazyOldBagLady · 03/04/2019 12:33

I think the posters saying take the pyjamas away are probably right. Maybe she can help you put them in the wash when they are all dirty to get them nice and clean again, then help you choose from some other comfy options? If she wants the pyjamas you can just remind her they are all being washed so she has to wear something else or she can't go out or do xyz.

AuntieStella · 03/04/2019 12:34

Do the pyjamas look like pyjamas proper, or tsirts and leggings?

If the latter, then stop,buying other clothes which will only go to waste, and get more leggings and tshirts, and little jersey short. Bill them as daytime (or summer) pyjamas if you have to name them.

And then blend in the approaches above - 'put on these clean ones, then we'll go out' 'just pop a sweatshirt over as it's a bit chilly' etc.

And do decide what is your actual aim here. To get her in to the clothes you already have (and she has already rejected) too get her to be a bit more flexible about clothing, and into at least some stuff that doesn't shriek 'nightwear', or something else?

Mesmeri · 03/04/2019 12:35

She's checking the boundaries. You have to decide where they are and what the consequences are for crossing them.

Some areas are not worth fighting over, others have to be non-negotiable. I know a 3 year who sometimes spends half a day in a smelly nappy because his mother says he "won't let" her change it. By comparison, pyjamas sound OK!

Could you hide the pyjamas and let her choose between a couple of pairs of leggings/trackie bottoms and tops? Keep calm, make sure you have something planned that she really wants to do, but stay calm and cancel it if she refuses.. possibly she needs to know that you don't make threats you can't carry out...

Raspberry88 · 03/04/2019 12:36

Was just coming to say the same as DiscoDown. Definitely buy her some comfy t shirts and joggers and let her wear them. You're not a shit parent at all. I'd wear PJ's all day if I could! Let her be as comfy as she wants while she still can. It will pass.

Myshinynewname · 03/04/2019 12:38

2 of my 3 have form for being extremely stubborn. Offering two options which are both acceptable to you is the way to go here. So plan to do something she will enjoy and tell her you are doing xyz once she is dressed and she can pick the outfit. Then offer a choice of two outfits you are happy for her to wear outside (consider what she likes about her pjs - is it they are comfy/easy to put on and off/short sleeves/have her favourite character on?). No drama but flat out refuse to carry on with the day until she is dressed in one of the two outfits. As soon as she is carry on with the day as planned. If she won’t, wait her out giving her no attention, no toys, no screens etc. Ideally don’t tell your other two of the plans until she is ready to go so that they aren’t disappointed if she spends hours messing around.
Mine are older now but the youngest still doesn’t really like getting dressed so we do it very first thing in the morning, before he starts playing or watching tv, so I don’t take him away from something fun to get dressed.

Myshinynewname · 03/04/2019 12:42

And op, you have my sympathy as a fellow sufferer parent of a stubborn child. I have found that there comes a point when you have to kindly ‘out-stubborn’ them on things that are important (and let a lot of stuff go for the sake of everyone’s sanity).

CrazyOldBagLady · 03/04/2019 12:42

It's funny you should mention nappies because I was thinking of what OP might do if her DD was younger and didn't want a nappy change, or didn't want to wash or have her nails cut. I'm assuming these battles have been fought and won previously despite shrieks and wails. Some things are just non-negotiable.

Avoiding changing a child's nappy in case of a tantrum is pretty poor parenting. Your friend is doing her son a great disservice.

NuffSaidSam · 03/04/2019 12:52

I agree with everyone else. She's three years old. You're the boss.

Make sure she has comfy clothes (as comfy as her PJs). Then you dress her and carry on with your day (going out as necessary!).

She will fight it in the short term because she's had months of you bending to her whim! That needs to stop. She will get it quickly enough.

Same with hair brushing. It must be brushed. It's a hygeine issue and is non-negotiable like teeth brushing and bathing.

Girliefriendlikescake · 03/04/2019 12:58

She sounds similar to my dd who also had major issues with clothes, hair brushing and hair washing. When she was 7 yo she was assessed as having sensory processing difficulties which made a lot of sense.

Are there any other issues?

That said I would not let my dd leave the house in pjs with unbrushed hair, we had a complete battle of wills most morning but I always won!! I only bought her very soft, comfortable clothes and hair care was non negotiable as messy hair drives me nuts.

I tended to keep dds hair in a bob to make it easier to wash and brush.

If you don't make a stand now this will get worse...

crazygirluk · 03/04/2019 13:04

What are her normal clothes like? Frilly dresses, very "girly" stuff, or leggings and t shirts type things, etc?

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