3 year old only wearing pyjamas

[Dominate2016]

Hello

I have a 3 year old DD who is absolutely wonderful.

BUT......

She only wears pyjamas. She flatly refuses to wear ANYTHING else..and its not any pyjamas, she only has three pairs she'll wear. She's not at nursery yet, she starts in September.

This all started after/whilst potty training about two months ago and it hasn't got any better. I did try stopping the potty training in case it was all too much for her, but she refused and wanted to use the toilet and potty.

She did go through a phase of about a week refusing to wear any clothing and refusing to leave the house. In the end i got her to leave but only in pyjamas and its stayed like that ever since. If i forcefully dress her she kicks and screams then ends up taking everything off, and tbh i dont think its worth getting her that stressed over it. But it's stressing me out now. She is my first girl and has a wardrobe FULL of beautiful clothes and shes growing out of them and tbh its heartbreaking to me, because i feel like a complete failure, also i have to constantly keep her pyjamas clean and in rotation and with two other children its stressful to constantly juggle the washing. My mum told me today that shes 'never heard' of a child behaving like this and to be honest has made me feel so shitty. I feel so judged when i take her out because she looks so messy, she wont let anyone cut her hair, and she rarely lets me brush it so she looks totally neglected.

I've tried giving her clothing options, playing games with her, bribery, pretending to emotional blackmail (lol)...i.e. pretending to cry. Ive even left the house in pyjamas myself to make out how 'silly' it is and nothing!!!

I even told her i was going to give all her clothes away and she said no at first then started to help me pack them up in bin bags!!! (i didnt actually give them away)

Can anyone help me!? and has anyone else gone through this? Im worried because summer is approaching and shes going to be boiling in pyjamas!

“excuse me, but i have three kids in total, how DARE you speak to me like that! i needed a bit of advice but youve basically told me im a shit parent....fuck off”

That’s the spirit OP. See, you can be assertive!

I would go out and buy some leggings and T shirt sets.

Then tell her as she likes pjs so much, you have bought some more.

Give her the new sets in the morning, as new pjs. Then get her to swap at bedtime so you can wash the new ones. Make a big deal out of needing to wash them, so swap eveyr morning and evening for clean pjs. You can mix the leggings in as night time ones at first and then gradually separate the day and night ones

Ignore your cupboard full of nice clothes. Go with what works.
When my brother (now 55) was a toddler he would only wear one pair of trousers, all the others were too itchy/scratchy/tight etc. He grew out of it in about 6 months and in the meantime my mum washed them every night and put them on the radiator.

Yes in theory she is 3 and you are the boss. But in practice, find a workable option, leggings and T-shirts. You could even take her to the shop and say in a delighted voice - LOOK special daytime pjs! How lovely, lets choose some, and focus on how soft and comfy they are

She can wear pyjamas. It's fine. However, if you need to leave the house, you leave the house.

Pick your battles.

Im worried because summer is approaching and shes going to be boiling in pyjamas

^

Honestly, she'll be wearing something else by then.

another trick is to take her out in pjs and slippers/no shoes.
Stop by the playground on the way home, make a bit of a fuss of it. Then when you get there, go all sad - Oh no, I forgot, you are in pjs and no shoes, you can't go on the playground, it isn't safe, Oh dear we will have to go home.
repeat for 2 or 3 nice things that are not possible in pjs, and she will soon decide that clothes are more fun

Going against the grain here - but does it really matter if she wears PJs? Just let her wear them & as soon as sun comes out then she will probably want to wear shorts etc...
When DD was that age she would only wear a Hello Kitty dress with leggings - we had 3 or 4 different ones.
DS would only wear a footie kit so I used to wash it ready for next day.
The fad only lasted a little while. Honestly choose your battles. Why create a huge drama?

Put some dolls clothes sitting in the washing machine.
Say “oh NO DD, look, the washing magckne has shrunk all your pyjamas. It’s ok, I’ve bought you some new ones instead seen as we cant use these anymore” insert new comfy bottoms and T-shirt’s with fave characters on. She will cry and scream but will get over it after a few days.
It’s a bit like taking the dummy away. Cruel to be kind.

I think you have had some harsh responses. Sensory processing disorder could be an issue too.

Also ignore the perfect parent posters - sounds like their kids never do anything wrong!

I'm with converseandjeans

Between the hair and the pjs I would also be wondering about some kind of sensory processing disorder. I would do as above and make sure you are buying “day clothes” that are as soft and comfy as her night clothes. Even if you have to call them pyjamas! Also if (for example) she always wants to wear peppa pig pjs, then go with a peppa pig tshirt and leggings / joggers. I don’t think getting angry / punishing is the way to go. Just being very calm (easier said than done!) and matter of fact. Also while she can’t hold the whole family to ransom and refuse to leave the house, you can empathise that change is hard for her, and give her plenty of warning that you are planning on leaving.

I wonder if it's sensory. My daughter (now 22) is Autistic. Not suggesting autism has anything to do with it. But, she would only wear certain fabrics due to sensory. So pjs were always preferred option at home but to go out it would always have to be leggings with same fabric top. If there was ever an outfit she liked I usually brought two or three the same. That's how we coped. Try to find clothes that are jersey or Pj material? And something like leggings and a top you could try and sell to her like there new pjs? Going to be very difficult when she starts nursery school etc we had exactly the same problem.

Converseandjeans has it. I have 3 stubborn ones. Pick your battles, everyone will be happier. When my kids are arseholes about wearing a coat, I let them get cold. They soon change their mind.
She'll either get bored of wearing PJs, or get too warm in the summer.

*shrugs

She's decently covered and reasonably warm. At that age my son refused to wear shoes and would only go out in red Mickey Mouse wellies.

We decided to ignore it and playgroup agreed. He had to take his boots off indoors at home and was not allowed to sit on the carpet for storytime at playgroup, only on the hard floor.

Eventually he outgrew it.

Isn't it just the same as insisting on teeth brushing and bathing though ?
No debate .

I agree with pp about finding comfy day clothes, take her with you clothes shopping. Say that she needs comfy, soft clothes for day time and she needs to help choose them as she is so grown up. When you have found clothes that are as like pg's as possible try and get into a routine that naturally means she takes her pgs off, ie a shower or moisturizer. Then get her to put them into the washing machine with you, so they are clean for bed. Then remind her she has chosen new soft day clothes and bring them out. I would consider heavy rewarding for the first few times she wears them.

So you can tell a stranger to fuck off but you can’t get your 3 year old dressed and out the house? Righty ho!
Look just be the adult that’s all there is to it. Why are you so scared of a 3 year olds tantrum? She will have forgotten those bloody pyjamas ever existed in a few days time! Or are you planning to send her to school in them?

There are some things that are non negotiable to me (such as teeth cleaning) but if my three year old insisted on wearing pyjamas, then I’d let her and I’d let her go to nursery like it. It’s amazing how quickly they change their minds when it’s not a control thing and gets no reaction.

Definitely pick your battles.

I'm with @PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin

Isn't it just the same as insisting on teeth brushing and bathing though ?
No debate

No.

There is nothing at all unhealthy about wearing pjs, they are just called pjs because we chose to wear that style at night, there is zero difference between loose leggings ans a T shirt and pjs.

Who cares if she is wearing them?

I would cut her hair short, use lots of spray in conditioner when you need to brush, and ignore the pjs.

Many of us have had kids wear wellies every day, or a particular top, or only wear their batman costume, or insist on wearing a fairy tiara at all times. It is a toddler thing, pick your battles

Does she resist changing from one pair of PJs to a different pair eg if you've let her wear her pjs all day as you've had a chilled one at home, but now you want her to wear clean ones for bed? I ask because we had similar issues with DS, who does have SPD (although we didn't know at the time). But one of the things we eventually worked out that it was partly about how other clothes feel and partly his deep resistance to having things put on and over his head - he'd do anything to avoid it. And that's still true to a large extent.

Personally, I agree with PP that wearing pjs is not such a big deal. Aim to move more to leggings/tshirts instead, over time (perhaps let her choose them). Also, if the three pairs she likes are similar or from the same brand, buy new clothes/pjs from there only. we used the same online pyjama provider for about 5 years (and we still default to them because even putting sensory issues aside, they were good and very comfortable for both boys and girls).

For children, the decision to wear different clothes doesn't make a lot of sense in terms of what society thinks is ok. But take her ou tin her pyjamas on a slightly damp day, she'll get wet and uncomfortable much quicker than if she's wearing joggers and a jumper, and inevitably will want to take them off (again, this happened with DS). DD (no sensory issues) loves to wear her dress up clothes. But she's learnt that if we let her, she's restricted on the playground or gets wet quicker, so now happily wears other clothes underneath so she can whip off the Frozen dress when the time is right.

Oh, and I have sympathy also for the screaming notwithstanding all these posters who say it's just normal and she'll soon realise that screaming won't help. we dealt with that a lot. Everyone telling us just to take DS out and he wasn't the boss blah blah blah. Eventually, DH tried it. After 90 minutes of DS being completely unconsolable in the car and at softplay while all the other parents gave him death glares, he took him home and changed his clothes. But it WASN'T a case of DS getting his own way - the entire experience was traumatising for both of them and DS was subdued and tearful the rest of the day (not trying to guilt DH or whatever, in fact very cuddly and stressed. Like a child who'd undergone a trauma)

Finally, sorry, I don't get the hair thing people are talking about.

if hair brushing and maintenance is such a big deal, the child's hair must be cut. DS who STILL hates anyone touching his head, has always had his hair cut very short every 8 weeks or so (so we can limit the need to cut it too often) and it then requires no maintenance besides washing. DD, who has zero sensory issues, complains about her hair, I tell her it's up to her if she wants long hair with plaits and bunches or if she wants it short. She then lets me brush it. Simple.

OP you have my sympathy, I have nearly 3 dd who is as stubborn as a mule.

The only thing I can think of are some special "day pyjamas" which are basically leggings and t shirts! And hope the phase passes soon!

My 3yo DD (ASD) is exactly the opposite. Will only wear clothes NOT pajamas of any description. It's so frustrating but not found a way to get her to comply yet!

Why does it matter? Assuming these are PJs with long sleeves tops & leggings, that’s all my 7 year old wears, they just weren’t sold as sleepwear. I wouldn’t fight this battle.