Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Taking one child on holiday and leaving the others at home...

38 replies

BirthdayKake · 26/03/2019 07:30

I want to not feel guilty about this, but obviously I do! The circumstances are as follows:

I have four DC who don't have contact with their father. I don't want to go into details but basically he doesn't know where we are (he was abusive, sometimes violent, took drugs, drank far too much, didn't do much parenting etc etc). They last saw him (contact wise) in June 2017.

I am now remarried and expecting a baby in July. We took my DC on holiday once, two years ago, before I knew that technically you are supposed to have a letter of permission from the other parent. We obviously got away with it.

I have a different surname now and I don't dare try again; I know lots of people risk it but I don't want to open up a can of worms, or lose all that money, or disappoint the kids if we're not allowed on the flight.

But at the same time I have always been abroad and so has DH (ex was never bothered) and it's sad that we may never be able to take our baby away, unless we leave the others at home.

We can afford it as it would be in term time and obviously baby would be free. I was thinking when she is around 8 months old, so next March. We're taking all five DC to Butlins in October which they're very excited about.

What would everyone else do? :(

OP posts:
Original poster
BirthdayKake · 26/03/2019 07:33

Also forgot to add that obviously we want a holiday too! We went on honeymoon in September last year and didn't touch a drop of alcohol all week even though it was all inclusive, because I was pregnant. I then started to miscarry on the second to last day. It was my first ever holiday with a partner and it was awful so I want to go again to be perfectly honest!

Oh and children would be looked after by a friend who also has children at the school and lives round the corner etc; she'd be moving in for the week and we'd be paying her (kids are happy with this as they think they'll get away with everything!)

OP posts:
alwaysontimeneverlate · 26/03/2019 07:33

I wouldn't not take 1 child and leave the rest. Think about it from there view, new husband, new baby they'll feel pushed out of your new family unit.

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 26/03/2019 07:35

I get what you're saying and that's what worries me.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting
00100001 · 26/03/2019 07:35

I think you're overthinking it all

If you're concerned, take your marriage certificate as proof of name change and the kids birthday certificates on holiday.

What's the point of taking an 8month old in holiday? Sure if the while family are going. But why bother?

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 26/03/2019 07:36

They are my whole world though so I'm trying to think it would only be for one week. The eldest has already said he's not bothered either way. I am a SAHM and so always with them and do everything for them every other time. Hmm.

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 26/03/2019 07:37

Absolutely not. Sends an awful message to those left at home that they are of less worth to you than the baby.

Better to have an adult only holiday (when baby is older) with no children than to take one/some and not the others.

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 26/03/2019 07:38

Possibly overthinking as I have pregnancy anxiety but if you look on the government website etc it's all there - and there is a small risk of being stopped at the border.

I don't know, but if you're used to having five children I suppose taking an 8 month old on holiday would be a breeze! Plus it would be nice in lots of ways

OP posts:
CPParenttoDD1234 · 26/03/2019 07:38

You just need the children’s birth certificates as far as I know. I often take my two children abroad who have a different surname to me and it’s never been a problem as long as I have their birth certificates. But check with the destination you are going to. It might be because I travel in Europe.

Also if you want to go away maybe speak to a solicitor about how you can do this if the children don’t have contact with their father

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 26/03/2019 07:39

It's because the baby would be breastfed I suppose so she'd have to go with us even if I was happy to leave her

OP posts:
Original poster
BirthdayKake · 26/03/2019 07:40

The only other option is to go to court and prove that we've tried every option to get hold of my ex which obviously won't be the case.

OP posts:
pinkhorse · 26/03/2019 07:40

I wouldn't. The children will feel pushed out for the baby.

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 26/03/2019 07:41

Ok thanks for replies. I feel extra guilty now! Probably won't be back as I the school run to do but thanks x

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/03/2019 07:42

Not a chance!

Basically tells them “mummy has a new family now so we are off to have fun. see you when we get back”

whydoineedanickname · 26/03/2019 07:44

No definitely not. They’d feel so left out. Lots of people now have different names from their children, and aren’t with the dads. I’ve never known anyone getting stopped at the airport.

snop · 26/03/2019 07:44

I would never dream of doing this, take all your children or none at all. How guilty would you feel whist away having a great time when 4 off the kids are stuck at home. As previous posters have said there are ways to get around this just take the birth certificates.

Littleduckeggblue · 26/03/2019 07:45

Take all or take none. My husbands ex wife often goes on holiday with her youngest and leaves the two older kids at home and I know they feel very left out.
I think it's quite selfish actually. If you "Need" a holiday, maybe go away with a friend instead of taking only half your family

Oliversmumsarmy · 26/03/2019 07:47

Couldn’t you just change their surnames.

Not sure about children but I changed mine years ago by just filling out a form at a solicitors, it cost about £20.

I will look at the form later to see what it was called

floppyflappy · 26/03/2019 07:47

They're your whole world but you'd sod off on holiday without them?! dumped with a babysitter.

That speaks volumes and sends a clear message to your children about your priorities.

MonkeyfaceThereturn · 26/03/2019 07:52

No. You absolutely can not do that.

And there's no issue with going abroad without fathers permission. I do it every year, numerous times.

You're hiding behind that to justify a holiday for yourself. Wait until baby is older and then go as a couple only.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 26/03/2019 07:53

If you want your children to be apart of your life when they're adults you can not do this!

Whitegrenache · 26/03/2019 08:09

Wow I'm Going on holiday with my kids this month without dp- they have his surname on the passports..will this be an issue?

Wallsbangers · 26/03/2019 09:49

Post-Brexit there will probably be more passport checks so it's advisable to get all your paperwork in order if you are travelling with children with a different surname.

I think it's tough on your older kids OP, you don't say how old they are but I wouldn't be happy with a (no doubt) rainy week in Butlins while you and your new family go off to Tenerife (or wherever). I imagine that's the sort of thing that stays with you a bit.

Hollowvictory · 26/03/2019 09:52

No it's a terrible idea. FFS. Go on a holiday they can all come on. You don't dump 4 kids because you've got a new one.

00100001 · 26/03/2019 10:28

You really do seem to be trying too hard to leave the 4 kids behind :/

Go on holiday as an entire family take your marriage and birth certificates. You will be absolutely fine.

00100001 · 26/03/2019 10:28

either that, or accept that you can't go abroad - so can utilise the hundreds of holiday locations in the UK