Struggling being a working mum

[LunarLchemist333]

I'm looking for people's opinions on this to help make my mind up. I know in my head and my heart that I'm done, but the reality of it is very much a struggle. I'm a full time working mum DS is 5 and DD has just turned 1. I'm finding it so so hard to juggle work with family life, pick ups & drop offs, working around to suit, being the first one up and the last one down at night.

I have zero time for myself, the house is a mess because I just don't have the hours in the day to sort it out. I'm seriously considering giving up work until the youngest can go into full time childcare. At the moment she's only in 10 hours a week over 2 days and it's costing nearly 300 a month in that alone. I'm on a very poor wage, my partner works 2 jobs (6 days a week) but keeps his money for himself and food shopping.

Has anyone taken this jump for some time out of the rat race? How hard was it to cope financially? Did you make the jump and regret it? Any input would be greatly appreciated, I know this is a topic close to most hearts Xx

I work full time with DD3 and DS2. It's tough but I love my job and after 2 years as a SAHM I wanted to go back and full time suits us.

Are you sure your issue is with work and not with DP? (To be really blunt!) Is he the dad to either child? If so, why's he not paying his share? Do you live together? From your post is say you need to sort your finances and housework arrangements first before making any decisions about giving up work.

Your problem is your DP. Keeping his money for himself while you struggle??

Your post needs re phrasing to 'my partner is making my life miserable.'

It's your crap partner who's the problem.

What would you live on if you quit? If your partner keeps all 'his' money now that won't change.

Another here who thinks the issues lie with your dp. Does he do anything round the house, school runs, nursery drop offs etc? Does he cook dinner, put the kids to bed? What does he do apart from withhold money (which is a form of abuse by the way, in case you want to look into it).

I'm on a very poor wage, my partner works 2 jobs (6 days a week) but keeps his money for himself and food shopping.

If you give up work won't you be fully financially dependent on this man? PLEASE don't put yourself in that position

Your DP sounds like the problem. Why is it all on you to sort the house and do all the pick up and drop offs? Why is he keeping all his money to himself and not contributing fairly? But no I don’t think you quit your job to be financially dependant on someone like that. Or is he not the children’s father and you don’t live together? If that’s the case then surely you can’t even consider giving up work?

He keeps his money for himself and doesn't help you??

We live together and both children are his. Please don't shout at me, but I was thinking about starting a claim for universal credit as working full time and struggling to arrange childcare is leaving me both mentally and physically drained as I do pick ups and drop offs, working solely round the kids. so in short I guess I'd be a little more dependant on him but not completely as UC would be pretty much exactly what I earn anyway but I would be able to spend real time and focus on my kiddies. As me and DP both work full time were like ships passing in the night, the 4 of us NEVER get a single day all together. He pays a little more than half the rent, food shopping & childcare, then the rest is his (for keeps or his bills) I pay council tax, gas/water/electric, anything the kids need, and my contribution to the rent (plus my own bills)

Have you done a benefits calculator? Because if your DP is working two jobs I doubt you'd receive much in the way of UC. They look at household income, not separate entities.

Would you be entitled to universal credit if your partner is working and earning money? I agree with PP, it sounds to me like he is the problem!

UC is a joint claim, you both have to go and do an interview and apply together. If your dp is working 2 jobs I highly doubt you’d qualify for anything. And if you quit your job they won’t let you apply for a minimum of 6 weeks.

He pulls in 1100 in part time work and then is trying his hand at a side line self employed (and failing miserably but won't admit it) having a child under 2 shows that I have reasonable cause to leave work meaning I could claim straight away. I've tried a calculator which worked out we'd get basically what I earn in work, but would have to drop a day of nursery to balance it all out. I'm so confused, I really don't know what to do :(

So if your DP is only part time and you'd be the primary carer, he would potentially have Work Search requirements (although probably not with his overall income). Also self employment is treated slightly differently - they would look at whether it is "gainful" and may also apply a Minimum Income Floor (MIF) if a Start Up Period doesn't apply.

It isn't healthy for your DP to be spending "his" money on whatever he wants. Anything either of you earn is household money and should be spent for the betterment of the household.

.....but keeps his money for himself and food shopping

Please do not give up work in this scenario.
You do not have a problem with being at work, you have a problem with your partner not pulling his weight with the dc and not using the money he earns on his dc.

Thank you all for the responses, but im curious, how does running the household work for you guys? Who pays what? Do you take it in turns to pick up/drop off? How do you manage work around kiddies?

Here we have an account each and a joint account for household costs. We earn similar so put the same amount into that account each every month. What's left Is our own. I do all nursery drop offs, dh will do 3/5 pick ups. The other 2 days he goes to gym then has dinner ready/cooking for me getting home with ds at 6pm.

I work 9-5 dh works 8-4, both 5 days a week. Our commutes are under 30 mins door to door. We chose a nursery near home so either could collect/drop off but this is what works best for us. Bedtime is usually between 7:30 & 8:30. The one not doing bedtime does the housework for that hour. We both then crash out at half 8 for an hour. Usually asleep by half 10.

Everything goes into and out of the joint account. We have a rough budget in mind for discretionary spending but discuss any big purchases.
Drop off is usually done by DH as he’s quicker getting ready in the morning, pick-up we usually do together (we car pool to work most days as our offices are nearby) or I do it if he’s working late since I’m always home by 5pm.
We have a cleaner and take turns with stuff like cooking and laundry.

All the money ( both our wages)goes into my account. I pay all the bills except some he set up. I transfer via standing order the amount to cover that plus fuel and £50 personal spends a month. Anything he needs we discuss. Same with me.

I did this as I wasn't working and it meant I had some financial control. We couldn't get joint account at the time. We'll sort that eventually.

I think you have a massive DP issue that you need to sort out. Then look at what working arrangements work for the family.

Budget is done on money advice service planner.

We take half of the nursery /school run each. Nursery is closer to his work. School mine.

Tea and chores- currently learning to split after years as SAhM when I did most. Going to start shopping online. Will be getting a fortnightly cleaner.

Holiday cover - splitting holiday.

We both work full time. All money is joint money. Both salaries into a joint account with an equal amount of money for ourselves to spend on what we want. When DC’s were nursery/school age, DH took them to breakfast club and I collected them from after school club.

So your Partner works 6 days a week but only has a PT job and earns about 1k? He needs to get s full time job, Monday to Friday ...or weekend and 3 weekdays so he can earn more. He also needs to help with drop offs, shopping and all the other things adults need to do! Don't give up work and become reliant on this guy...