Struggling being a working mum

[LunarLchemist333]

I'm looking for people's opinions on this to help make my mind up. I know in my head and my heart that I'm done, but the reality of it is very much a struggle. I'm a full time working mum DS is 5 and DD has just turned 1. I'm finding it so so hard to juggle work with family life, pick ups & drop offs, working around to suit, being the first one up and the last one down at night.

I have zero time for myself, the house is a mess because I just don't have the hours in the day to sort it out. I'm seriously considering giving up work until the youngest can go into full time childcare. At the moment she's only in 10 hours a week over 2 days and it's costing nearly 300 a month in that alone. I'm on a very poor wage, my partner works 2 jobs (6 days a week) but keeps his money for himself and food shopping.

Has anyone taken this jump for some time out of the rat race? How hard was it to cope financially? Did you make the jump and regret it? Any input would be greatly appreciated, I know this is a topic close to most hearts Xx

Your DP is an ass.
We both work FT, he vastly out earns me but all money is shared. We both agree a plan for drop offs and pick ups.
I’m thinking of the future when the kids are older - I’ll be able to singlehandedly part for their clubs, clothes and gadgets. I’ll also have a pension!

We worked our budget out by totalling the bills, then adding up our joint income and working out what percentage of that total income we both bring in - we then split the bills according to that. I earn more than my partner so I pay a higher percentage of the bills, but it means that we both then have the same amount of disposable income each. I work 8:30-5:30 x 4 days a week, he works 9-5 x 5 days a week. He sorts out our oldest son (11) for school every morning then goes to work, I take the baby (15 months) to nursery on working days. Oldest son walks home from school and lets himself in. Chores wise, I do a lot on a Wednesday when I’m home with the baby, on working days we alternate cooking, whoever didn’t cook cleans up. We take a child each for bedtime routines and then other stuff like laundry usually falls to me, but then my partner takes our older son to his activities. It’s a struggle. We do a big clean at the weekend, taking it in turns to watch the kids whilst the other gets on with some chores. I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants every single day, constantly exhausted and the house is nowhere near as clean or organised as I would like, but it’s not forever. As long as the kids are fed and happy, and were not living in complete squalor, nothing else really matters.

You have a partner problem. Definitely don't give up your job and make yourself even more reliant on him! Get him to do his half of the work, or bill him for all the extra you do.

Dp works full time, i work part time. He does all drop off and pick ups as my commute is longer and nursery is near his work. We spilt all bills, child care and rent so that we both end up with an equal amount left over each month as that's fairest (so he pays a bit more than me a month). We alternate doing the food shop and alternate who puts dc to bed and gets up with them (they're v early risers, we're not naturally!!).

We don't have a joint account but we try to split everything pretty evenly. Look at how much you're both spending - do you have as much left over each month as him? If not it's totally unfair as you're doing more of the childcare. Also don't give up work and be financially dependant on him unless at least first you're married. If it all goes wrong you'd be fucked financially.

My partner isn't my child's dad but financially we put all our money together, deduct bills and savings then split what's left for us to spend on what we want the rest of the month. I work 4 days, he works 5 on roughly the same hourly rate and generally split housework. Childcare is usually down to me to sort out (naturally as she isn't his child) but he will help when needed if she isn't with her dad/grandparents.

I couldn't have it any other way, we have bought a house together and are getting married, I wouldn't be marrying someone that would see me struggling and keep all their money to themselves 😞

LunarLchemist333 that man isn't your partner.

All of both partner's wage andall child benefit if you get it goes into one account, from which direct debits come out for all bills including housing and childcare and cars. Also all food and child related costs such as childrens clothes come out of this account unless you have a separate "family expenses" account for budgeting purposes (we have this - a DD from the main account so it's always transparent what's available to spend on household things and children's things).

Then you can split the rest equally into two accounts if you want ring fenced personal money.

You should also get married - it gives both of you a degree of financial and legal security.

He's also no prize if he earns £1100 a month working 6 days - he's earning about £5 an hour... Unless he's 14 that's really crap.

Even in a minimum wage job he'd earn 1600 for 6 full days.

All wages are paid into joint account. All bills are paid, we have separate account for our own expenses paid monthly. Whatever is left is put into joint account.

I second the op. Get married for security.

I would set up a meeting re: universal credit and check first if you will receive it. I'm a single parent working 2 days a week and get £400 a month UC. If it's joint income taken in to account I highly doubt you will get much.

We’re not married but run a joint budget (use an app called ynab). Income is joint. We have seperate accounts and a joint account, but budget all income together. At some points I’ve been the main earner, right now he is whilst I’m part time. We have a 14 month old.

Pick ups started to break my brain, so we have a weekly planner whiteboard in the kitchen. Every Sunday we fill it in and figure out who needs to be where, when. Our schedule changes weekly so this is neccessary!

I cook, he washes up, manages the laundry mostly, I do cleaning things when I can.

I think it sounds like you don’t have an equal partnership...

How are you FT if the baby is only in 10 hours a week childcare? Who looks after the baby?
Your DP needs to share his money with his family. He isn’t a single man.

He’s not a partner

We are now on similar income. We pay roughly an equal proportion of bills (haven’t sorted it officially due to other reasons).

He does 2 morning drop offs per week (more/all school runs if he’s not working that day) and I do pick ups (purely because I’m local and available earlier).

We take it in turns to deal with the non sleeping children and the other one goes in the other room for a good night sleep.

On my non working/WFH days he helps get the children ready for school, I finish them off and drop them in. On my working/commute days I help get them ready and he finishes off and drops them off

I definitely do more house work than him but in his defence I’m around the house more and I’m a lot more organised. He does do tasks if he’s asked and always does the washing up.

Sick days are taken in turns if kids are sick.

Please do not quit work and make yourself financially depending on this man. He won’t share and he will belittle you for living off him.

When I was on mat leave and subsequently went back to ft work after 6 mths I did all the nursery drop offs, pickups, Shopping, bedtime routine , housework, packed lunches and also took husband to work and picked him up again. DD is now 10 and he's an ex. I still work ft and do everything but life is easier.

You have a DP problem

He's employed 3 days a week on £14ph, the other 3 days he's self employed but after he's paid his dad and brother wages, he doesn't earn anything for himself (us) -apparently- so he's just working for the sake of working. In terms of my work, I'm on minimum wage and currently relying on my mum to help out with childcare 2 days a week so I can work, then nursery 2 days a week and DP stays home with both kids on Saturdays so I can work. The nursery can't accommodate any extra hours so it's mum or nothing. I do the housework, pick up/drop offs, washing up, washing, bottle prep, and we take turns cooking. He does food shopping. At the moment we have separate accounts and a joint account which the rent goes out of. Then the other utilities etc come out of my account

We shared all money when we were married, XH worked 4 long days, 1 a Sat (was SE), I worked 5 days M-F but slightly shorter days so we only had 3 days to cover with child care. I covered the 3 (could flex I-work as I worked in the evenings sometimes when DD was asleep if I needed to).
Everything was completely shared.
Even now we have divorced, we have the same pattern and work holidays & sickness between us, and although XH doesn't pay maintenance (we are now almost 50:50) he does pay half to stuff like shoes, uniform etc.

Everything should be split 50/50. Unlike most people on here we only have one joint bank account so basically all our money goes to one place and any spare money is shared. Very simple.
If your partner is really hoping his business will take off then I can't begrudge him trying at the moment. At least he has aspirations and these things take time.

In terms of the drop offs I do them all because our daughter is at the childminder near my work. Makes more sense that way.