Hi,
My daughter is 4, she is wonderful but she is VERY attached to me. When she was 2 I put her on a ballet class where parents join in, she had fun for about 8 months, then it came a time where they were going to do a presentation in the theatre and parents weren't allowed in, she refused to go and I ended up pulling her out of ballet.
Just a few months before we stopped the ballet I engaged her in a gymnastic class, again parents would join in so all was fine, after about 10 months she went to a level where parents were not allowed to join anymore but just to watch. So she cried and clung to my legs but one of the coaches just took her from my arms and let her joined the class crying, after about 10m she stopped crying and started to join, I couldn't believe! She continued for another 12 months and she was so good at it that she was asked to join a development class, everything was going great, then the winter came and she started losing interest, refusing to join in. I thought she was getting too tired as she was going at 4pm after a day at nursery/pre-school and the winter do let us down a bit so I thought we would give it a break, what else could I do? Can't force her to do it, I did try bribing but it didn't work!
So then there was some tennis taster classes at her pre-school, their teaches told me she would do well playing tennis so I went on to engaged her in tennis classes which she happily played for a good 6 months with me just watching her. Then again she started refusing to play for no apparent reason, I insisted for a while and she will do it as long as I am standing there next to her - and it has to be me, not daddy. Problem is now I am heavily pregnant with my 2nd child and I am tired of this drama and being there standing next to her the whole class. She does seem to enjoy the class but it comes with all this drama. But she also tells me that she does not like to play tennis. I thought I insisted enough and decided to pull her out once again.
Finally she is now doing swimming lessons she had 3 lessons so far. The pool is nice and warm, there are 3 teachers, it's only 30m lessons.
When it starts they tell the kids to sit at the edge of the pool and they attach this shark fin on their back which makes them float and they all have a wonderful time. But mine refused to even sit at the edge of the pool, as I try to sit her, her legs wouldn't bend and she started to cry so the coach tells me not to force and she put another coach to deal with her which was a very nice lady full of smiles that came with all those swimming toys and my daughter went along with it, though she still refuses the shark fin.Then at the end then told me she will do just fine and in no time she would be joining in with the other kids. Second lessons pretty much the same. Third lessons the nice lady wasn't there, there were only 2 coaches, one went for her to do this 1-2-1 attention but she wasn't having it! She refused to do anything and even before the class started she was clinging to me, after 15min (half the lessons) she finally gives in but I had to literally be at the side of the pool bending over and talking to her the whole time for her to do stuff.
It doesn't matter how much you tell her she won't have this or that if she doesn't do the lessons, she doesn't care, she is VERY stubborn. But when she finally do things she is wonderful at everything she does.
My DH blames me, he thinks I am too soft and keeps telling me I need to cut the umbilical cord. He wants me to stay at home and let him take her to the classes. My mum said yesterday I need to be more active with baby 2 when he is born and I just thought how can I be more active?? I am the one who goes after all these classes and engaged my daughter into it, I started when she was 2, could I have started any earlier? What I am doing wrong??
I feel terrible! It does seem I am the problem - because she is soo attached to me she wants me to do everything with her. I encourage her to do things on her own, I want her to enjoy her activities and I want to be able to watch her doing it.
I think naturally kids are lazy and don't want to do stuff so we have to persist and I think I have done that with all her activities, I persisted quite a lot however if she isn't enjoying then what's the point?
With the swimming though I want her continue till she learns how to swim as this is a very important skill to have but I don't know how to go about it, I don't want it to turn into a negative experience as that will only make it harder!
I am thinking next lesson I will let daddy take her and I will stay at home but I know it will be dramatic and she will have to be forced into the car, but I am hoping she will stop and maybe do better in the lesson if I am not there.
Any advices?