Are breastfed babies more...'needy?' For want of a better word!

[Elmo311]

Hi all!
Not trying to offend. And i know every baby is different....

I have a 10month old son who i tried to BF but it didn't go well for many reasons, you can ask about that if you feel it is relevant! So he is formula fed + solids now.
I was very sad that i couldn't BF him, but he did/does well on formula and my OH is very hands on so it's been great to be able to share the feeding duties!

I am currently due with baby number 2, and having a c section in 2 weeks 6 days! (Not that I'm counting...) and I'm wondering whether to try to BF or to FF as it would be great to have my OH's help?
I also see lots of posts on MN where women are struggling with BF and how their baby only wants them etc and I'm not sure if I'd end up more stressed?

It doesn't help that my friends from NCT classes who breastfed for 6months said with their next child they would go straight to formula! (All of them)

I am aware i could pump and then bottle feed, but i know from before how time consuming that is and i think it would be too hard with my 11month old running around the place!

My OH has 5 weeks off when baby is born so i have time to establish BF.
I would like to give it a go but it would be nice to hear about more chilled out babies who BF and can go to dad or others.

I would also like to introduce a pacifier fairly early on, and if BF i would probably introduce a bottle before bed.
When is the best time to offer these? Straight away as i heard after the 6 weeks it can be impossible?

Thanks for reading, and apologies if i upset anyone! Not meaning to.

Elmo

The bottlefed babies I know do seem to be good sleepers and quite independent.

My daughter is breastfed and is probably more ‘clingy’. But I love the bond we have and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Breastfeeding has been the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m very proud of it and I wouldn’t change it even if it meant sleeping through the night.

From my own daughter and friends children, I thibk thr average ff baby is more chilled and less needy than the average bf baby, but some bf babies are less needy and some ff babies are more needy.

My ff baby has always been quite needy, but also slept v well in the early days (less so later). But the difference is her needyness isnt just confined to me, but is to my husband equally, so it doesnt feel so restricted. I thibk there can be more of a mummy preference with a bf baby, but also that depends on how much the dad takes full advantage that he can also do feeds etc. He has the option of being far more involved, which suited us very well.

I dont get what is so hard about sterilizing bottles either. You just shove them in the machine and press go. With us, my husband washed all bottles and put them in the sterilizer. I took them out, batch made milk for the day, flash cooled.them and put them in the fridge. Apart from hanging round for them to cool, each persons 'job' took approx 5 (yes I timed.it) once a day!

Not exactly arduous. And whilst the nhs doesnt advise batch making, its a perfectly safe recomended option by the WHO and we had zero problems with it.

5 mins extra work a day for me, but it meant we could share the feeds, so hours less work overall.

I breastfed DD1 until she was over 2 and DD2 is feeding now at 6 months. It has been incredibly hard at times, straightforward and simple at others. It’s sad how poor the support is out there with so many people sworn off it, as when it works it’s a brilliant experience. I think having two so close in age is going to be full on however you feed them! But good for you giving bf a go.

I wanted to just address the milk coming in thing as OP and a few people have mentioned a delay - it is normal for it to take 3-5 days and prior to that baby is getting nutrition from colostrum. Also they are teaching your boobs how much milk to make. So in most cases formula will not be necessary during this time. But yes it did come in a little quicker second time. Putting baby to breast frequently (basically all the time!) during first few days will help this happen.

I’m totally supportive of everyone doing what suits them and their families, but I don’t think we can dispute that human milk is the best food for babies, where it is possible. Formula will never contain antibodies that fight off the specific illnesses that are happening for your family. It will never have a different chemical make up at different times of day, or in different weather etc, depending on exactly what your baby needs. I don’t have time to link studies but these facts are scientifically well known. What is less clear is the outcomes for ff/bf being much different, possibly many of the differences are to do with other things. I get the intention with the ‘fed is best’ mantra is to support everyone to feel good about their choices, and this is good, but I also don’t think there is anything wrong with saying that breast milk is the best food for a baby. Formula is an adequate replacement when bf is not possible and sometimes bf is just too demanding and affects family life too much, I think that’s what you are asking and it really depends how it goes for you. Ie if breastfeeding affects mums mh negatively too much it affects the whole family, and in that case breast is not necessarily best, overall, even if it is the best food, IYSWIM.

Merename
Excellent post, I agree.

@Rainbowsandsnowdrops It's wonderful that you feel that way about BF! It's really nice to hear (or read). I do recall when i did finally get my LO to latch on and feed, it was an amazing feeling and experience and i did cry on him 😂. It just didn't work out for us.

It is nice to have that bond , although i do feel i have a great bond with my FF son too! :)

@Hugtheduggee yes! I'm with you on that! We did the same with batches and it's super easy. I didn't mind it at all.
I also love the fact that with FF the OH can take over. And i think i would miss time with my son....but that's what i get for getting pregnant again so soon!!

I have a very clingy BF baby but I have tried to change my perspective on her clinginess, she can't walk, talk or toilet herself and needs a caring adult to meet her needs and I don't see the point in trying to make her independent at this stage. It was pretty hard when she wanted to constantly BF and would scream blue murder whenever I had to put her down and go to the toilet.

That said knowing my luck if FF she'd have been one of those worst of both worlds babies that insists on drinking 1 oz every 2 hours day and night.

To be fair though she got a lot easier when she could sit up.

@Merename Thanks for your informative post :)

I agree about the poor support regarding BF...i think had i had more during my hospital stay things may have been different? Although i will never be able to say for sure.

I am worried about this baby being jaundiced though, more time under the UV light than on me ...:(

Chances of number 2 being jaundice? ! Anyone?! I know, many different factors contribute to this.

It will be hard with 2 babies, i know! But i am very lucky my OH has 5 weeks off to help out. FF is easier in the sense that he'd be able to do the night feeds etc... i could try and pump but i am worried about the time it takes to do that and even when trying to pump last time i never got more than 5/10ml if that. Glad to hear milk may come in quicker this time round.

Breast milk is best for baby, of course. How could it not be? But i think that contributes to a lot of why women 'suffer' with trying to BF and it not working out,then feeling like a failure. So i have to tell myself that as long as she is fed and healthy that is the main thing! And we are very lucky to have formula as an option! :)

I will try to BF and see what happens. One day at a time.

@SnuggyBuggy Haha, we just never know do we? I'm glad that things have improved now she's able to sit up! How did you cope in the beginning? Would she go to anyone else etc ?

It's literally the fact I've got another child to look after, i really don't know if i could handle a baby who wants to be on me 24/7.

There wasn't anyone else to hand her to in my case although her DDad could walk with her for a bit so I got some dinner in the evening. Babywearing really helped

I'm honestly in two minds about having another baby. I'd like a sibling for DD but I think if I had another velcro baby I'd effectively have to neglect DD for the first few months.

Interestingly, though probably an unusual feeling, I felt more bonded with dd when I switched to formula. When I was breastfeeding I felt that she just wanted to be with me for food, but when I switched to formula I felt I bonded even more as I realised that she loved me just because I was her Mum. I think some Mums take to it like a duck to water, mentally and physically. I just found it absolutely did not work for me - though she was a textbook easy to bf baby. She guzzled down for about 15 minutes, and then was done! She never used me as a soother (I think she was too lazy lol). She was also a very easy baby in that she rarely cried - again, I think she was lazy lol - totally chilled and contented. Both when Bf and FF. She started sleeping through the night when we switched to formula, and it also meant my cousin or my Mum could take her for a whole night so that I could get some sleep. It's hard when you're a single parent though and I will never forget the utter exhaustion, but for me FF was definitely best. Good luck whatever you go with and I hope she's a happy healthy little baby!

My DS was breastfed but is such an outgoing, independent little fella. We go playgroups, centres and dates and he is just off. Everyone laugh as he is only tiny for hugs age but 10men in his personality.
Yes he has his little stages of clingy but I think every kid does, and as PP has said its all down to personality.
I thought if I breastfed he would just want me constantly and with me choosing to look after him and be a SAHM, I thought it would be even worse but it's not the case, he is not overly clingy at all.

Going to your point of pumping, I pumped for a bit of the 1st year I BF, and I would have found it so difficult if I had another child. It is not necessarily the time consuming side but just the logistics of sitting still for that long and even the bras wouldn't really allow you to be "hands on " with an everywhere toddler 😂😂😂

Congratulations and good luck however you decide to feed.

Verynice, I dont know if its that unusual tbh. I mostly ff, but did do some.bf, and I felt.much closer when ff. I think it was because we could properly look eachother in the eye, and the cuddles were about love, not cupboard love. In the same way, I love it when my cat is all over me because they want me to feed them, but I love it even more when they just want the cuddles.

@Hug that's nice to hear that I'm not the only one. I felt like a dairy cow bfing to be honest. It's just not for everyone. Not sure I'd compare cats though

Hugtheduggie I've heard it all now. Someone trying to justify the ff is better because bf babies only give 'cupboard love'. Seriously? I mean ff or bf as you want but don't try to convince yourself that ff babies love more genuinely. Sheesh.