Are breastfed babies more...'needy?' For want of a better word!

[Elmo311]

Hi all!
Not trying to offend. And i know every baby is different....

I have a 10month old son who i tried to BF but it didn't go well for many reasons, you can ask about that if you feel it is relevant! So he is formula fed + solids now.
I was very sad that i couldn't BF him, but he did/does well on formula and my OH is very hands on so it's been great to be able to share the feeding duties!

I am currently due with baby number 2, and having a c section in 2 weeks 6 days! (Not that I'm counting...) and I'm wondering whether to try to BF or to FF as it would be great to have my OH's help?
I also see lots of posts on MN where women are struggling with BF and how their baby only wants them etc and I'm not sure if I'd end up more stressed?

It doesn't help that my friends from NCT classes who breastfed for 6months said with their next child they would go straight to formula! (All of them)

I am aware i could pump and then bottle feed, but i know from before how time consuming that is and i think it would be too hard with my 11month old running around the place!

My OH has 5 weeks off when baby is born so i have time to establish BF.
I would like to give it a go but it would be nice to hear about more chilled out babies who BF and can go to dad or others.

I would also like to introduce a pacifier fairly early on, and if BF i would probably introduce a bottle before bed.
When is the best time to offer these? Straight away as i heard after the 6 weeks it can be impossible?

Thanks for reading, and apologies if i upset anyone! Not meaning to.

Elmo

Reckoned not recommend.
I think really do what works for you and try not to agonise about it.
We didn't have a dummy but she liked to chew the end of a muslin square.

I formula feed all 3dc. I'm unable to bf. my 1dc was and still is at 14 a mummy's boy, wanted to be held all the time, only wanted me. Dc 2 is so the opposite, as long as he's feed he would go to anyone or just be alone ( as he got older). Both took to dummy's.
Dc3 who came years later, wouldn't take a dummy at all, co-sleeps, co- naps, will not fall asleep in the pram, will go to others now he's 1, but still wants me to put him to sleep or for comfort. It's bloody hard work.
He says dadda all day, for everything he's doing, when he's excited it's dadda but as soon as he wants sleep or isn't feeling good it's mumma.
To be honest I think it's a mix of the dc personality and how you act. Dc 1 and 3 i had more time to comfort, dc 2 I had a toddler.

Every baby is different. My FF one was by far the most clingy and the worst sleeper. My BF one was from very early much more chill, less clingy and a much better sleeper.

I don’t think it had anything to do with how I fed them. But I do think it helped that I was much more relaxed with my 2nd (BF) than my 1st (FF). Beyond that, they just have very different temperaments.

So i still don't know what to do 😂 haha
I guess i will BF and if it isn't working FF. My son is pretty chilled out so i am wondering if i am in for a shock with baby girl!

I’m breastfeeding, little one is 8 weeks old. Had a rocky start as my milk didn’t come in after I lost a lot of blood so formula fed for 5 days then persevered with BF. No regrets at all, DS isn’t clingy at all, my partner spends lots of time cuddling and winding him plus I often express a bottle for the nights. I would always BF unless there is a big reason not to. Plus... the baby weight is coming off really quickly! - I put on a ton! So I think added bonus!

I ebf both of mine. No DP though so nobody else around to do the feeds anyway which prob has a big bearing on the decision.

DC1 was hard to get the hang of bf. With DC2 at least one of us knew what we were doing (plus no tongue tie this time) so it was loads easier.

DC1 was a whingey clingy grumpbag baby. But he started nursery at 16 months, built some great relationships there, and started school ready and confident.

DC2 is a cheerful clingy sociable baby. She chats to anyone but she wants to be held a lot (even now at 12mths). DC1 wanted to be held constantly but he was less fussed about who held him - DC2 has always strongly preferred me.

Based on listening to others' experiences I do think (a) bf babies tend to be a bit more wakeful and oriented towards their mothers, although with many exceptions (both 'clingy' ff babies and easygoing bf babies), but also (b) you fall into doing what suits them and you and then build a narrative around that. So, bf DC2 for me really freed me up to stay connected with DC1 in those early months where she could just hang out in the sling and on/off feed happily while my arm(s) and mind were engaged in playing, reading, cooking and just 'being' with my eldest. OTOH I know other parents find that having a baby they can hand over to another adult, or who goes down for a nap in the cot at a reliable time for a reliable duration, is what enables them to do those things.

All the best to you and your growing family.

I didn’t think of BF as ‘being used as a pacifier’ , more that my dc enjoyed and needed being close and sucking. Because dummies are so widely used, we might think that they are ‘the norm’ but biologically they are replacing the breast, so it’s the other way round.

WRT taking a bottle, I think it’s a good idea to read up on nipple confusion. I had breastfeeding established after some tough weeks with dc1, week 4 I decided to express and dp give her a bottle. She then refused the breast point blank. Fortunately I got some support at this point, but it’s possible bf would not have continued on much longer without the help.

With my other dc, I introduced bottles later, and had to play around with teats a lot until we got it right. I know a lot of people say their bf baby won’t take a bottle, but after 4 months you can use a feeding cup anyhow, and if you really need to introduce a bottle, (my mat leave ended when dc1 was 5 months old) my experience is that babies might not like silicone teats, and if mummy is anywhere around, why bother? She’s so much nicer!

Good luck with the birth x

I formula fed my twins after breastfeeding didn’t work out. They are three now and reasonably independent, though always keen to have a cuddle. We never had issues with them going to childcare or any real separation anxiety.

My third baby is now 12 weeks old and exclusively breastfed. It has been so easy to breastfeed her. She took to it right from the start and it’s all felt very natural. She’s not in a solid routine yet, although she goes down to bed at about 8pm, which is driven by her. Sometimes she sleeps until 4am; sometimes she wakes much earlier. The biggest thing I’ve noticed with having a third is that she just kind of has to slot in with what the boys are doing. With the boys I could just kind of let them fall into their routine, but she can’t do that as easily because we have so many more demands on our time. As a result, it’s so much easier to be able to just feed her wherever we are. She’s still very happy to be held by other people, but just prefers me when she’s hungry or tired.

She does take a dummy, but mostly just in the car or to help her drop off to sleep if she’s in the pushchair. We tried a bottle at about six weeks and it was fine, but we haven’t done it since because we haven’t needed to. I’ll probably live to regret that down the line.

I formula fed my daughter after a few weeks. She thrived, slept really well and was an easy baby.

I now have an 8 week old who I'm breastfeeding apart from a bottle at night from DP after I've gone to bed and the odd one when we go out and I don't fancy whipping out my boobs (or I fancy a drink!) I'm finding the act much easier than I thought, no pain, latches on really well. And it's much more convenient in the early hours. My baby is far more clingy to me than my daughter was and wants to feed pretty much all the time when I'm holding him for comfort. He has got reflux though, and I'm convinced my breast milk makes him windy, he's a very windy baby. Hard work. I had every intention to formula feed him to be honest but because breast feeding comforts him I don't feel I can switch to formula yet so I'll give it til about four months I think and see how I feel then.

I have a very happy and relaxed little boy who is just over two years old now. I continue to breastfeed him and am so glad that we persevered in those early weeks when it was difficult. If you would like real life advice and help then I’d highly recommend popping along to your local La Leche League meeting, they are wonderful and so supportive. All the very best.

Mine (14mo) was EBF and was a very chilled baby, never needed settling at night and was happy being with others, no sign of separation anxiety etc... I've also found it easy to drop down (at 10mo) to 2 feeds a day. Still on 2 feeds a day now and really love it!

Basically I don't think BF = needy baby. There's a lot of factors at play. So don't let that be your deciding factor.

I think as PPs have said, every baby is different. DS1 was formula fed after 6 weeks and was very easy. Slept through at 8 weeks and has done ever since etc. DS2 on the other hand...also FF but from day 3 and is much less easy going, at 6 months still very much a 'velcro' baby, will only settle when being cuddled or co-sleeping etc. If he was breastfed I'd definitely blame his 'neediness' on that but he isn't breastfed, he's just a different baby that prefers to be clingy!

To follow up after your last post, I would aim to bf and if it doesn’t work, then you can decide to ff. Having FF and BF one each, bf is MUCH easier. I wouldn’t want to ff now that I’ve done it (for over a year now). It’s a lot of cleaning and faffing around with bottles and stuff to pack when you go out and running up and down the stairs in the middle of the night. Bf was much quicker and easier and I’m pretty sure I got more sleep as a result.

@mindutopia thank you!
I'll definitely see if it works for us :)

It’s down to the baby, not how they’re fed. In my NCT group we all bf to at least 9 months (some still going at 11 months) and the babies ranged from super chilled, great sleepers to seriously clingy, and everything in between. Some are shy and some are super sociable. Breastmilk is the best food for a baby so it’s good to try it if you can.

As a single mother and a breastfeeder for 6 weeks, it nearly broke me. Unequivocally, (not that it's going to happen), I would formula feed with another one. Why put yourself through the torture!!?

There are no conclusive studies that I've seen or read to say that breast is best - the slogan is there, but no research. If there are, please link to them. What wasn't best, was me developing PND and getting zero sleep. What wasn't best was me having to be put on anti-psychotic meds and antidepressants from sheer and utter exhaustion.
No way in hell would I ever breastfeed again. Nor will I advise my dd to.

That said, she's as stubborn as a mule, so probably will breastfeed and I will 100% support her with that.

Three DC, all BF, and it gets easier with practice. Third DC had a bottle for night feed because I thought it would make weaning easier and I seemed to have least milk then. I was never very successful at expressing. None of my children were/are very clingy. The first particularly independent and could be put to bed awake from a few weeks old. Two had dummies, middle DC never wanted one.

I found BF, eventually, easy and cheap. Babies getting all the nutrients they needed without worrying about sterilising bottles and temperatures and I felt it helped to get rid of baby-weight quickly.

Following op as I’m in a similar boat , 34 weeks with DD2 and dd1 is 15 months old, still doesn’t sleep through (though she’s not that bad. Sleeps in own cot and always has , generally settled by a quick ssshhh and putting a dummy in once or twice a night).

I also tried my damndest to BF dd1, finally gave up after 4 months of hell. It took me till she was about 12 months old to stop feeling guilty about that.... but I now feel like switching to ff quite early had benefits. She takes a dummy and DH/anyone can feed her when I’m knackered.

In my own experience, friends who have ebf’d have had more issues with baby only wanting them, having to co sleep and feed to sleep (even now theyre babies are the same age as dd and they are back at work), bottle/dummy refusal, describing themselves (not my words!) as “I’m just a human dummy sometimes (eg when teething).

Posted to soon ...

My (rough) plan is to make sure DD2 get a few weeks BM then see how I feel. DH can only take 2 weeks off work then I’ll be on my own with them both during the day. TBH I’m now more nervous at the prospect of a bottle/dummy refuser than I am about messing up BF, so will be introducing at least some ebf in bottles after a month or so. If this results in bottle feeding/slips into FF then so be it.

May not be for everyone but I’m going to have my work cut out and have decided that the best thing for me / my mental health is to be able to have a break and use dummies !!

Having said all that I’ll def make sure DD2 gets BM at the start... x

@HarrietM87 Thanks for your response. It seems that the general advice is that every baby is different and you don't know what you're gonna get! I guess I'm particularly nervous about having a 'clingy' baby because I've also got a 10month old to look after! (11 when she's born) and I'm worried about that.
That being said, i will try to BF. And see if it works for us. My ideal scenario would be to combo feed, but i know i should get BF established first...but that's what I'm worried about! Incase she won't accept anytning else!

I'll be sure to update this post a few weeks after shes born to let everyone know how we got on! :)

@Verynice It does certainly take it out of you. I remember when i was trying to BF my son, i was so down that it wasn't working and my supply was not there, i would just cry and cry it was horrible. Once we made the decision to stop, and continue with FF i was in a much better place mentally, but it took a while for the guilt to fade.

What you went through sounds awful, and for 6 weeks aswell! You are so strong!
Glad you stopped and your mental health improved though, that must have been such an awful time :(

You may get a few comments about how breast is best! But fed is best, you're right.

@Crabbyandproudofit Thanks for telling me your experience with it! :)
I bet i have the clingiest(?) Baby ever now I've made this post 😂

I suppose sterilising bottles etc isn't really a deciding factor for me as I've done it with DS1. So it wouldn't bother me that much!

@Shazafied I'm liking your take on things! Good luck this time round and congrats :)

I had the same with my friends saying similar things about their BF babies, and it just sounds like a bit of a nightmare!