Husband - going out after newborn

[Chivari]

Bit of advice needed on husband going out after our baby is born. My husband has a history of not being able to handle his drink, however he is improving. I should also mention that when he gets drunk it gives me serious anxiety due to some of the things he has done in the past through being very drunk (one causing us to nearly break up). So often the mere mention of him going 'for a few' with his mates makes me feel very on edge and anxious, but not wanting to spoil his fun I let him go.

Throughout my pregnancy he has carried on drinking, periodically going out with friends but not getting really drunk - which I can handle. However, he is now talking about organising a day out with friends 2 weeks after my due date. I haven't yet raised it with him, but I'm not very happy. Firstly, I'm concerned that our baby is likely to only be a few weeks old (if not less) and I am going to be left on my own for the day whilst he goes out to enjoy himself. Secondly, I feel irritated by the fact that he has already automatically assumed the baby is going to be more my responsibility than his. Yes I plan to breastfeed, but I wonder how he would feel if I told him I'm going to express a load of milk then leave him to look after a newborn at a few weeks old. I know he would not be happy.

I just wonder if I am being a little oversensitive/emotional, or whether others agree? What were your husbands like when you had a very new newborn?

It is not the going out but the lack of self restraint and impact on the next day. What is it going to be like with a restless newborn on the mix? Separate rooms, walking on eggshells, going out whatever the weather or Inconvenience to enable him to sleep it off?

"It is not the going out but the lack of self restraint and impact on the next day"

This ^^ with bells on.

"adding a child to this setup rarely makes the man grow up"

And this ^^

He is home now drunk from his 'fun' with his mates @TapasForTwo @LIZS @mamaslave18

Trying to make arguments with me and tell me I'm annoying him. Big sigh...

What you put up with is what you get.

He is not going to change.

Good luck on mat leave with him "working from home". No doubt he will be like some of the "D" Hs I've read about on MN who come storming in demanding mum make baby be quiet while he's working. In between ordering food via Whatsapp like the mum is a domestic slave.

He is behaving like an utter twat so sorry, I don't buy the "fantastic except when drinking" line. If he was that fantastic HE WOULD NOT GO OUT DRINKING THEN SHOUT AND RAVE AT YOU. Sorry to shout at you, you've had enough of that from him, but for god's sake get a grip. This man has a serious alcohol problem and has zero respect for you. You are already scared of him. You use the word "anxiety" but what you mean is afraid. You don't have anxiety over him drinking, you are afraid of what he does when he comes home. You're afraid one day he will cross the line and actually hit you. Does he throw things while drunk? Has he ever punched the wall? Slammed a door so hard it broke?

When baby arrives he won't even need to drink for you to see that side of him, the sleep deprivation will do the job of the alcohol in lowering his inhibitions so the nasty can come out.

I hope you have family nearby who you can go and stay with when you need to.