Dealing with child who won’t walk

[TwoHarried]

I am somewhat at the end of my rope. I have a four year old who sometimes refuses to walk. However, I have not found a strategy besides compulsion that always works. I’ve tried negotiation, listening, cajoling, explaining, withdrawal of privileges, rewards for good behavior, waiting him out (for half an hour one time) and a number of other things. When he was littler I could just toss him on my shoulders, but these days he is getting too big to carry long distances, especially when I am also carrying his brother and a backpack. The only things I haven’t tried are bribing with food, yelling at, or striking him.

We do not have a car so besides mass transit this is how we get from place to place. So foot transport is not optional. The best way I have found to force walking is by pulling him along by the upper arm. Normally he eventually gets tired of this after a minute or two and starts walking on his own again. I know this is considered bad parenting on this forums, but when you have a flight to catch, fifty pounds on your back, a roller bag, and one free hand, what else to do? I’m open to any and all ideas besides the items I listed earlier that I won’t do.

Will he use a scooter?

You have to be consistent and not take no for an answer. You need to walk every day, even if just short distances. Don’t make a big deal and loads of praise for walking - walking is normal behaviour that doesn’t need a big deal making out of it.

To me, things like walking when we’re walking somewhere are like brushing teeth - totally non-negotiable. I realise some people may think that sounds harsh, but it does work.

Should read as DONT do lots of praise for walking.

You need to set off much earlier.

For out and about, would a balance bike work? Inside an airport, I'd put everything on a trolley.

Don't strike him though. He doesn't need that shit in his life and neither do you.

You are the boss. And negotiating, cajoling and explaining will not work with a 4-year-old. They are too young to cope with a reasoned discussion about why they should do something that they don't want to do.

Assuming he's perfectly able just bring a buggy.

Noooo don’t bring a buggy! Children need to learn to just get on with life from an early age, shoving him about in a buggy because he refuses to walk won’t do any of you any favours in the long run.

I would suggest investigating why he doesn’t want to walk. My eldest DS hated walking and school sport and always complained of unexplained leg pain. We always assumed he was just lazy or playing up. Fast forward 5 years it turns out he has hypermobility which causes leg and foot pain and also means he get tired very quickly.

We used to pick them up but not move. Then put them down and keep going. Walking is so important for everyone. Please get him to walk.

My DSD was constantly turning her ankle as a small because she had no muscle and was overweight as she did no exercise. After 50m she'd start whinging. It takes time to build up. Different story now. And she's so much happier.

I agree with the pp who said use a buggy. It makes it do-able for you. He will get fed up with it especially if people look at him or laugh, and he'll grow out of it anyway. He's probably just lazy. No point dragging him, shouting, pulling on his arm or hitting him. Take the line of least resistance.

My 4 year old won't walk more than 100m

Instead we use the buggy (which she loves as it's a novelty) or her scooter, or bike

I’m with a previous poster who wondered if he has a problem with walking?
I also say this because when my daughter was 4 years old she struggled with walking. As she got older she was able to explain walking hurt her legs but she couldn’t explain why. Turns out she has Fibromyalgia and walking was causing her an extreme dull aching that she just couldn’t explain to me.

Yes to a buggy. It sounds crazy but if you really HAVE to get somewhere by a certain time or you just want to have a nice day out (shopping or park or whatever) where no one gets fed up and cranky then just use one. Don't care what other people think. We ending up using a buggy until age 6 (infact 7 when she had an operation and it was the only way we could get her too the hospital). It turns out her legs weren't very strong and she also has issues with getting overwhelmed and sometimes sitting in the buggy was her 'safe zone'. I am so sad at the memories of the 'will you just walk' shouting and the dragging along and the tears. We must have had about a year and a half of every trip out being hell until I went a bought a £20 buggy from Argos when we were on a day out. It changed our lives. Seriously.

Balance bike was a game changer for us

Or how about something like this?

bobbinbikes.com/products/messenger-tricycle?variant=33988642113

It may be worth taking him to the doctor though. Just town check things out.

Had the same problem for a long time. Mine doesn’t have any extra needs, he’s just lazy and stubborn!
I used buggy for long walks but would encourage walking during this too.
On shorter walks I used a 3 wheeled scooter that he could just stand on while I pulled if he got tired.
Other times when there were no time constraints I would just make him walk. Make sure to wrap up warm, have plenty of battery on your phone for the long waits of standing around waiting for them to get bored and start walking again!

I still had a double buggy or buggyboard when my oldest was 4. She could get very tired after a day at school or a day out. We had given it up by the summer that she was 5 but at 4 it was a lifesaver. I also had a scooter with a strap that I could tow. If persuading, cajoling and bribery isn't working then you need to take back control physically and personally I would prefer pushing him in a pushchair to pulling him by the hand or shoulder (no judgement - I've done that too).

Also always keep ‘this too shall pass’ in mind. It really helped me to think to myself that I definitely won’t still be standing in the freezing cold when he is 21!

Sometimes (I think) you need to accept that although your child is perfectly ready for something in one regard (eg. Physically could be walking), for some reason they are just not ready (emotionally, socially, cognitively) and you’ll all be happier if you just use a buggy or double buggy.

That said I used a scooter or balance bike for my son who hates walking and still do for his school run.

How old is his brother? Buggy board was a game changer for us getting places on time. If you've regularly got long distances to travel a scooter (mini micro style) means you can go at an adults pace once he nails it, the straps are cheap so you can pull along if necessary. That said, I leave half an hour per mile to be walked so there's plenty of faff time

@atlastifoundit, that's absolutely true in my experience - mine is 3.5 and explaining/reasoning/cajoling absolutely doesn't work. But what would you suggest instead?

I’d just use a push chair. Whatever makes life easiest for th biggest number of people.

Incidentally, today's problem was refusing to walk to the car which was less than five minutes away! So I'm not talking "my child refused to walk back from town today" - I think our expectations are in line with his age (3.5) and we use a buggy or scooter as appropriate.

Totally agree with WellErr

Consistency is key. Don't carry, don't get a buggy, don't bribe and cajole.

He needs to walk (unless you are making him walk 20 miles a day or something).

I would encourage him along with funny walking or playing I-Spy or other games to take his mind off the walking. But he must walk.

Sometimes less is more with behaviour management and the problem may be all the things you've tried. He doesn't know if he'll get carried, rewarded, punished, negotiated with etc. Pick one system and stick with it.

I would praise for good walking though, just like I praise for all good behaviour. You should always praise ten times more than you moan/punish/reprimand.