Dealing with child who won’t walk

[TwoHarried]

I am somewhat at the end of my rope. I have a four year old who sometimes refuses to walk. However, I have not found a strategy besides compulsion that always works. I’ve tried negotiation, listening, cajoling, explaining, withdrawal of privileges, rewards for good behavior, waiting him out (for half an hour one time) and a number of other things. When he was littler I could just toss him on my shoulders, but these days he is getting too big to carry long distances, especially when I am also carrying his brother and a backpack. The only things I haven’t tried are bribing with food, yelling at, or striking him.

We do not have a car so besides mass transit this is how we get from place to place. So foot transport is not optional. The best way I have found to force walking is by pulling him along by the upper arm. Normally he eventually gets tired of this after a minute or two and starts walking on his own again. I know this is considered bad parenting on this forums, but when you have a flight to catch, fifty pounds on your back, a roller bag, and one free hand, what else to do? I’m open to any and all ideas besides the items I listed earlier that I won’t do.

Mine went through this.

I just stood there and waited for her to move. Sometimes I had heavy shopping- couldn't just carry her- and had no money to buy a buggy anyway. She would get bored eventually and walk, and after a few months just grew out of it and walked properly again.

We used a buggy for my 4 year old whilst at Disney World but otherwise, no. He is old enough to walk - using a buggy is just setting a precedent that if he refuses to do something he gets his own way. Also potentially setting him up for poor fitness and strength etc. Unless there is some indication there is an issue (such as hypermobility) or you are expecting him to walk am unreasonable distance, you just tell keep telling him to walk. A child does not need to be 'emotionally ready' to walk. And if you sometimes need to pull him along by the upper arm then so be it, as long as you're not hurting him.

Does the resistance to walking coincide with you having a baby to carry??

“Also potentially setting him up for poor fitness and strength etc”

Using a pushchair for the next couple of months til he grows out of the “stage” isn’t going to condemn him to a life couch potatoing obesity!

No, but taking the parenting approach of 'anything for an easy life' might, if he's prone to being sedentary. Or eating badly. Or spending a lot time on the couch staring at a screen.

He’s 4!!!

Take a buggy, he's only 4, when you stop making it a battle he will probably stop battling and choose to walk anyway.

Mine never did this. From age 2 on, they were expected to walk-no buggy. Preschool they took about a 2 km walk to the park in the morning, and then another walk of about a km in the evening before bedtime. We never had issues with them walking.

If your son is not going for a walk daily, I suggest you start taking him out for short walks, and gradually increase the length of the walk. I also suggest a physical check up first, to ensure there are no physical impediments that are causing him pain.

With ds1 and ds2 I always had a younger child so had the buggy board as an option and sometimes had both of them on the buggy board or the older one in the pushchair if the youngest wanted to walk! With ds3 he was more motivated as he wanted to follow his big brothers. I also frequently used a strap to pull along their scooter or they went on a balance bike. With ds3 he could ride on my bike with the other two on their bikes or scooters if needed.

One thing I was told was 'if you stop fighting the fighting stops!' My ds are now all very fit and active and I never worried about 'making them walk'. Ds1 now walks over a mile to school each day and he frequently would not walk when 4yrs old.

'He’s 4!!!'

Some children are only 2!!!!

I still wouldn't advise someone 'just give them what they want when they have a tantrum, take the easy route...'

I just wouldn't advise at any age beyond the very early days to just give in and take the path of least resistance. I think you're asking for trouble. Pick your battles obviously, but don't just give in on everything.

The only thing I regret about my children’s early years is the unnecessary battles I fought. If I don’t want to walk somewhere, I take my bike or a car or a bus. Why should someone else have no options just because they are 4?

Get a second hand 3 wheeler buggy and let him use that. He'll have the option of walking sometimes and you won't be running late or confined to the car. At least you'll both get fresh air.
Mine had the use of a buggy until four and a half. I didn't have time to faff or time to leave earlier.

When you live in a family you have to sometimes go along with a group decision. When you're a child your parents make that decision, hopefully with your best interests at heart, but nonetheless they make the decision.

If the OP has made the decision to walk at that time (the example she gives is an airport btw....you don't expect her to get a bus through the airport terminal?!) then he has to walk.

That's the terrible reality of being four. Perhaps he'll grow up to invent jet packs so no-one ever needs to walk again!

My parents love to talk about what an awful lazy bugger I was, refusing to walk until I was about 6. I'm still a lazy bugger 30 years on.

Nowt wrong with me, I've just always chosen to be horizontal whenever possible.

Have you tried the thing of 'I bet you can't get to the postbox (eg). Yay well done, now get to the red arrow! Yay! Etc? This quirked with my teeth grittingly dawdly youngest. That and giving her a doll's buggy to push, and singing marching songs as we walked (grand old Duke of York anyone)?)

Basically keeping as Mary poppins a face on as possible because once they see the chink in your composure, you're doomed.

Worked not quirked

I certainly am not advocating giving into a tantrum rather saying avoid the tantrum in the first place!

It has already become a battle and unfortunately you can not force a child to walk so if you don't enter into the battle in the first place then everyone wins.

I'm in the just get a cheapo buggy camp. He's 4. He's been here for 50 months ish. He has a lifetime to walk and buying a buggy doesn't mean you have to use it every time does it?

I've seen it on one of the nanny tv programs and she said fine have a sit down then. The child looked a big weirded out and sat by the side of the pavement for a bit. Parents made it dull and then she said she'd finished resting they went on.
Obviously you'd have to just keep going out with no time schedules and build up his strength. But if he k owe the option is to sit on the pavement, suddenly it's not so fun

I know a child that was like this and had arthritis.

I think using a buggy at that age for long distances is absolutely fine. My little one still would and loves a buggy snuggle and hiding from the world as they get overwhelmed easily. If it makes my life easier when carrying heavy things or going long distances or for long periods of time I couldn't give a monkeys what others think!