Looking down on sahm

[noodlehead15]

Why do people look down on stay at home parents? I'm staying home to care for my twins because it would cost over £100 per day to use a nursery. I've had so many comments since I've been a stay at home mum. People ask if I'm enjoying my retirement and if I want to go for walks now I'm not working anymore. Who does society think raises kids?!

I think mothers are judged whatever we choose. SAHM, WOHM, WFHM.

Mostly by people who made different choices and aren't happy with it.

Bollocks to the lot of them I say. Do what is right for you and your family. Next time an uninvited comment is made tell them to shove it up their arse

Having done both, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Ignore ignore ignore and enjoy the time you have with your children x

I get arseloads of judgy comments for working full time, I think some people see others making a different choice to them as some form of attack on their own choice, and so feel they have to defend themselves.

"Why do you say that ?" with a head tilt has worked well for me in the past

agree with other posters, we're damned whatever!!!!!!!!!!! I tend to think people are stay at home parents or working parents by either not being able to afford to work or not being able to afford not to work- the choice is rarely ours.

You can't do right for doing wrong.

If you were working you'd be judged too.

Yeh I don't get it either.. My rule of thumb is, does it hurt anyone or put anyone in danger? No? Then let people live however they see fit as it's no concern to you.

Sometimes though I do think people don't know what to say back / are trying to make conversation and don't mean to be judgemental or cause offence... Think some people can be too quick to feel judged even when someone isn't actually judging them. If you make peace with your decision then you won't care as much what other people think.

When I was a sahm 25 yrs ago, it was working mums who were looked down.

I'm a SAHM too. The amount of people who ask me, "when are you going back to work?!" Crazy...like it's anybody's business but mine!

I'm a SAHM who is looking to go back to work. After 12 years of "ooh isn't it lovely to be a lady of leisure" of course it is with 3 kids with ASN I'm now getting digs about abandoning my responsibilities (because clearly they don't have a dad who will be working opposite shifts to me if I get the job).

Fuck 'em all

Unless you're making money , you're of no value. Silly.

I work evenings when husband isn't at work because nursery costs are ridiculous! I honestly think that if you are a SAHM you are sensitive to working mum comments and if youre a working mum (like I am) you take offense at SAHM comments! I had a SAHM say she loved her baby too much to leave her, which to her was just a comment but weeks on I still feel a bit hurt by it!

Oh 10. Good luck to you.

Agree that some people feel like people doing things differently to them is a personal attack on their own lifestyle.

You see this so often with many different lifestyle choices like people who feel offended by others choosing not to drink or eat meat.

Women are judged. Wherever, whatever.

Agree too. I'm not at all offended by working parents though. I understand people have to keep paying their mortgages/want to work/enjoy work better than being a mum full time. There's nothing wrong with making yourself happy.

You can't please everyone and tbh your financial situation is none of their bloody business. I'm self employed and work a lot of hours and I've heard it all from 'how do your kids manage?' , very well considering the two at home are 13 & 19, my favourite was 'what kind of man have you got letting you work these hours'!!!!!!

noodlehead15 thanks! It's been 15 years since I had an interview but I'm hopeful that this one is good!!!

Who does society think raises kids?!

Very loosely qualified childcare workers. Don't be silly OP, you can't possibly sah to raise them yourself, that's lazy, showing them a poor role model, not preparing them for school, not to mention that your husband will find you boring, have an affair because you have nothing to talk about, such as Janet from accounts
Shame on you OP, what about the sisterhood.

Will probably be this thread in a nutshell.

😂😂 not so far romany!

I'm in the same boat at you OP, also staying at home with twins as the cost of nursery is so high!
People always ask me when I'm going back to work in a judgey way, it's very irritating. My friends love trying to find 'solutions' for me, as if what I'm doing isn't good enough. One in particular is always saying 'just work from home full time'..they actually mean I should work from home full time with the babies here with me, as if it's that easy! Who would give me a job if I tell them I'll be doing it from home full time whilst simultaneously looking after my twins 🤷‍♀️

I was sneerily told I must have a very understanding husband to let me stay at home. Like I was winging some extended doss.

Yeah that's the feeling I hate - like what you're doing isn't good enough. I think it's easier to go to work sometimes - I used to work 2 days. You have your employer to protect you , regular breaks for example .

Wow madmarch! Understanding husband ?! What happened to society?!

I had a 'friend' who was always arsey with me about being a SAHM. Kept telling me I should put DD into nursery, how she couldn't possibly stay at home as babies bore her and sge hated her days off with her child, tried to make out I must be thick for not finding it boring. She went on and on. She was a working mum, I didn't care whether she worked or stayed at home. I felt judged by her all the time. Then I woke up and didn't bother with her any more.

I can't understand at all why other people's lives and whether they work or stay at home gets other so het up.

I think sometimes people are jealous. Not everyone can do it - doesnt mean its easy.