Looking down on sahm

[noodlehead15]

Why do people look down on stay at home parents? I'm staying home to care for my twins because it would cost over £100 per day to use a nursery. I've had so many comments since I've been a stay at home mum. People ask if I'm enjoying my retirement and if I want to go for walks now I'm not working anymore. Who does society think raises kids?!

Romany you forgot waste of your education and drain on society! You can't win this one op. Working ft is wrong, SAH is wrong, pt working is wrong....

I also think that it's jealousy a lot of the time, but have found that it's quite often a case of them doubting their own decision because another woman is doing something different.
I think a lot of people like to follow what the majority of society decide to do, rather than thinking what is really the best for their family, both sides.

I get that - waste of a brain! I've had that comment. And that I must have calculated my expenses wrong and not thought about it properly!

If you SAH people will judge you. If you don't SAH people will judge you. Just do whatever is feasible and best for your particular family. Don't feel like you must justify yourself.

Everyone wants to feel like they made the best choice for their kids. It makes some people defensive and judgey about parenting done differently.

@noodlehead15 Can I play SAHM bingo? I'm a specifically lazy brand of SAHM, because I'm at home AND my toddler now does two mornings a week at nursery. People aren't generally aware that I'm using the time off to have physio and counselling after a hugely traumatic birth destroyed by pelvic floor, core and mental health 15 months ago.

Oh, and I have a masters degree and a career. What a waste.......!!

Stupid woman up the road said to my face, "Oh, I could never let my brain rot," when she heard I was a SAHM.

This is the woman whose mother arrives at her house every day at 7am to look after the dcs until 7pm. Check your privilege!

I never understand why my brain is more rotten than someone who works part-time in the local council offices. How many hours of what type of work renders your brain active? Is it an absolute: any work equals interesting person and no work equals dullard?

😢 sar. Get well soon. What's wrong with the slower pace of life anyway? Say you used those couple of hours to grab a coffee? That's what I'll do.

I have a masters degree too.

@noodlehead15 Thank you - I'm getting there. And yes, I might use some of the time to nap

What's wrong with asking you if you want to go for a walk?

Anyway, who are all these judgey people? I am the parent of a 19 and 9 year old and have never had a single judgey comment.

I spend time with every sort of parent you can imagine and we're all just muddling along, doing our best.

sar

I'm even lazier, 2 of mine are adults and dd 15 boards
I am looking for work though, after 30 years though it needs to be the right job, or I won't bother.
By that I don't expect too much, currently looking at jobs that seem to pay between 16-18k, I click on them at my level and this is what I get.
I have masters level certificates an Hons Degree and a PgCE.

@RomanyQueen1 Ooh! A contender in the lazy stakes

Sometimes the in laws take them ALL DAY. I don't even have to pay . Can I be in for the lazy award too?

I work full time and the only people who've judged me (openly) are SAHPs.

I dont judge you cranky

I honestly think your judged either way been a parent is a full time job. I admire bit working and stay at home

I don't judge you either cranky I can't be doing with all the judgement, who is anyone to say what others should do, especially when they have no idea of the other person's life.

At our school the working mothers are looked down on! It’s the “they have to work to pay the fees” attitude.

People just want an excuse to look down on others to make themselves feel better because they can’t be bothered to better themselves in any other way.

I wonder if it also an area thing? Where I live it's quite common to be a SAHM and I've never had any negative comments. Most mums I know work part time or stay at home. Think I'd feel much more self- conscious if everyone around me worked. Although TBH I spent years working my arse off and have no guilt about staying home with my babies!

Ah Romany you beat me to it!! 15 years as a SAHM, oldest already left home, youngest doing GCSE's. Don't know WTF I do with my time all day . Also looking for "nice" PT job, but only because DH is now working from home and messing up my "me" time .

Reading the thread I do think it is crazy! We honestly cannot win no matter what! I think working evenings means I sometimes get treated like SAHM. Some of the comments you guys have had I have had too, didn't even think it was SAHM shaming but looking back it really is! Asking what I do all day, how come my house is a mess when I am off all day, why don't I make dinner when I have a whole day, a waste of education doing evening work rather than using my degree... I am not ashamed to say I am honestly living for next year when I get free nursery for a few hours and can chill at home... I haven't watched anything except Peppa in a long time. I sometimes count down to work so I can have a hot coffee so I definitely feel for the poster who said about it being hard to be a SAHM all the time

I work full time and I've been judged for not staying at home

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't .

I have 2 DC. The elder one is happily at school. The younger one does half days at nursery. Currently I’m a Sahm but we really didn’t think we’d have a second child so I started freelancing when DC1 was 18mo. I’d been made redundant on mat leave (another story) so I was happy to work part time. Circumstances however dictated otherwise. So when I found I was expecting DC2 I had to stop. 2.5 years later I’m finally dipping my feet back in the water of work, but childcare costs pretty much cancel out what I earn and as a mostly SAHM, I find too that there’s lots of criticism. Whatever I do or don’t do is wrong according to some, inc my FIL. So I recommend you start a bullet journal. I have and it’s made a huge difference. There’s a thread on here somewhere about Bullet Journalling. Plenty of YouTubes(I haven’t watched) but it means that when someone asks you what you do all day, you know! This is key. I’ve had these questions pretty much since day 1 of motherhood and sometimes it’s just a huge fog and if you’re tired its hard to remember everything you did that day on auto-pilot! But now, I can organise kids, home and personal aspirations in one place. It makes me feel a LOT better. Perhaps this will help you? I hope so. DM me if you want to share ideas about what goes into your bullet journal. Being a SAHM is a challenge. But so is working out of home and balancing it all. Btw you can use any sort of notebook. You don’t need anything fancy, but with twins I think this might really help you. 🌷

SilentSister

30 years is a long time, I'm not sure if we had had different circumstances I would have been a sahm for so long, but you do what's best at the time, and 30 years it's been the best
A 'nice' little pt job would suit me fine. I can't earn too much or we can't afford the school fees, weird, I know

Glove punch to SilentSister.

"How lovely!" I trill when dh is working from home. Inwardly I'm cursing that he'll hog the study all day, disturb the peace bellowing on conference calls and, worst of all, want lunch . Yes, time to get a job...