Please anyone help - I need breastfeeding support

[aliceinwonderland2]

I had my baby almost 3 days ago. I’m in hospital on the postnatal ward. I am really trying to breastfeed but really beginning to lose all confidence and currently sat in my bed having a cry to myself at a complete loss - I couldn’t birth my baby by myself and now I’m failing at feeding my baby too. I feel like I’m already failing at motherhood.

My baby was weighed today and lost 9.9% of her birth weight. She had a slow start, but over the past 2 days I feel like she has really picked up. The midwife that has been looking after us at night has been brilliant and so reassuring and confidence boosting, and she agrees that baby is latched much better now, she has a big wide mouth and deep sucks, and feeds every 3 hours for about 20 minutes and stays on and is really settled during and after a feed. Today though, I was looked after by a midwife who made me feel like I’m failing. She doesn’t think my baby is swallowing enough because she can’t hear the swallows, and she also said I should have more milk than I do at the moment (she said most women can get 10 mls of milk when they express on day 3 but I can only get 2-3 mls of colostrum because my milk hasn’t come through yet).
She made me feel so awful and as though I’m starving my baby that I agreed to giving baby formula bottles mostly today.

I am annoyed at myself for not challenging that more now, because I’ve been researching and there’s some information out there that says that it can take up to 5 days for your milk to come in and also that when your milk isn’t in, sometimes it’s difficult to heat baby swallowing because the amounts are so small.

I know she has lost lots of weight and I don’t want to make her ill if she truly isn’t getting any colostrum but she wakes for breastfeeds regularly and seems so content during and after feeds that I can’t understand how she can be starving like the midwife made out to me?
She’s been having lots of good wet and dirty nappies too.

Do you think the midwife is right and I should be giving bottles because my milk hasn’t come in yet? And should we be hearing big swallows?

I’d really appreciate your advice or experiences because I’d so love to breastfeed and I really felt it has been going well.

Sounds like you're doing really well to me! It took me weeks to get the hang of breastfeeding.
If baby is latched well and content after a feed then this sounds ideal. The nappies are a good indicator too.
The current midwife isn't supporting you well - I take it there are others there? Or maternity nurses?

You can't always here swallows. Are your nipples sore? If everything is going well the skin won't be broken, though they may be a little red. There is a leaflet on breastfeeding in your notes if you have that it might eliviate some worries.

There is a shocking amount of contradictory information that you get from different midwives and health visitors straight after birth.

All babies loose weight after birth. That being said if it helps you feel more sane you can always give a bottle of formula and go on to breastfeed with no problems.

Also don't feel guilty about not being able to give birth, they don't do c-sections for fun.

Oh honey don’t fret-1. Well done on becoming a mum , massive pat on your back. 2. It’s baby blue time so you are normal to feel rubbish 3. I was in the same position almost as you. C/s so no milk until day 5. Discharged from hospital & readmitted as baby lost so much birth weight. I resisted formula until nurse said there is a clinical need so I gave formula BUT I had an electric breast pump & continued to put baby to breast & pumped like mad after. When my milk came in, I reduced the formula, kept pumping at the end of each breast feed & we did it- came off formula & managed to switch 100% to breast milk. You can do it, just spend on an electric breast pump. I think you can hire from hospital too, ask nurse. Don’t doubt yourself - keep persevering, but you must build your supply up with a pump as baby not so hungry at mo which is good for their welfare but your supply needs ongoing stimulation & build up until you can satisfy baby yourself. The c/s just delays it all. Good luck & enjoy being a mum

*hear

Congratulations x

You're not failing at anything. For me, this sounds pretty typical 'support' with breastfeeding.

I've had 3 babies. Breastfed them all but it wasn't easy. My milk never came in properly until day 4/5 and that made it very hard. Midwives were chomping at the bit to get formula in them.

Colostrum is highly concentrated and they need very little of it. The milk will come in and it will get better. Babies do lose weight, then will get it back. Content and wet/ dirty nappies sound perfect.

Keep going if you can, nipples get very sore until they are used to the constant feeding. Lansinoh is worth getting to make them less sore.

Cluster feeding/ evening feeding will make you feel like they're not getting enough milk, but this is normal and growths spurts are very regular for the first 8 weeks or so. 8 weeks in and it will be much better.

Good luck. Enjoy those amazing cuddles with your baby. They grow oh so fast x

Keep doing what you're doing. Your milk will come in soon (mine came in overnight between day 3 and day 4). You can supplement with formula after a feed if you think she isn't getting enough, but don't do it instead of a breastfeed as you need to keep her feeding to build your supply. And use a cup or syringe instead of a bottle if you do supplement.

My baby lost almost 12% in first few days but bounced back when milk came in so don't panic. You're doing great

Can you do lots of skin to skin, and express after every feed. If you’re using a pump do some compression on your breast at the same time; your colostrum will increase quickly. Milk comes in anywhere from 48-96 hours so try not to stress. But make sure you are offering the breast and giving all your expressed milk every 3 hours.

First of all, congratulations!! Remember that your hormones are all over the place on day 3 so thats a good part of the feeling low and be extra kind to yourself ovef the next little while because your body has been through and is going through a lot!

That midwife diesnt sound the best tbh, if she thought there was a problem she shouldve approached it much more sensitively and be aware of post natal hormones, tiredness, being overwhelmed etc. Could you ask the nice midwife tomorrow what she thinks and if theres anything you can do to help with milk supply and boosting babys weight?
I'm just wondering would the baby feed more regularly if you tried putting her to the boob say every 2hrs instead of 3? It might help bring your milk in and help with her weight.
My youngest lost more than his 10% and ended up feeding just fine, my first I did end up giving bottle top ups to because he was a little bit jaundiced but thankfully he went back on the boob with no issues each time.
Its still all so early, bubba probably doesnt even realise theyve been born properly yet! Hopefully a chat with a more supportive midwife and a new day will leave you feeling more positive xx

• until her weight starts going up. The three hours is just to stop the 9.8% going further down and to start going up.

Sounds like you had a tricky birth? This can delay your milk coming in. It did for me - didn’t come in until day five I think...

Your baby can latch so that’s fantastic! Keep going and don’t listen to negative HCP who have the sensitivity of planks of wood (disclaimer: HCPs are often absolutely incredible - but not all).

A bit of formula here and there is ok, if needs be - just keep breast feeding, keep latching her on, keep that going.

I had a bumpy start with breast feeding with my first DC but once it got established (took a couple of weeks) we were very secure and all was well.

Hang in there and congratulations

Congratulations on your baby! You poor thing, day 3 on the postnatal ward with a baby with feeding concerns is miserable (I've been there twice). I'm not an expert but thought you'd like a reply late at night until someone more knowledgeable comes along.

Did you have a CS? (You mention the birth not going as you'd hoped. As I'm sure you know really you're not a failure - birth is so so unpredictable and all sorts of medical interventions happen you never even had a clue about). If so, that could delay your milk coming in a bit. Hopefully it will be in tomorrow and things can really turn a corner so fast for the better when it does.

Top tips (from personal experience) - when the morning shift comes on, ask the midwife you see what the feeding plan is for your baby. Emphasize you're keen to exclusively breastfeed. Of course there are cases when formula is clinically necessary, but you want to establish who is making the call that this is the case here. Ask if there is an infant feeding specialist you can see. Then get them to write down the feeding plan - how often should you attempt to feed your daughter? Do they recommend BF first then formula top up? What is the plan to wean her off the top ups? If they are concerned she is not feeding effectively, are they considering a blood glucose test? If not,why do they feel formula is necessary? What point do they want her to get to before they feel top ups are unnecessary/ they can discharge you? If you get this written down, it makes it more difficult for the next set of people you see to advise something completely different.

Just get through tonight which is always the worst time, hopefully some of this will be of help in the morning. And when your milk comes in you will feel hormonal and uncomfortable but will probably be able to express a lot more and that horrible feeling of it's never going to happen will start to go away.

Swallowing in my experience is more something you see than hear at this age, get one of the more helpful midwives to show you where to look as your baby sucks.

Has anyone checked your baby for a tongue tie? (Sadly they may have misassessed, even if so). You could ask directly about this.

Take a deep breath and believe this is the worst bit, it will get better!

I’m also a midwife and I think it sounds like you are doing a great job! Where I work, we don’t weigh babies until day 5 unless they are receiving transitional care (as in preterm before 37 weeks, weighing less than 2kg) so her weight loss would not have yet been noticed - and she may have gained some of it back by the time I’d weigh on day 5. Her settling between feeds and wet and dirty nappies are a brilliant indicator of good feeds so please have faith in yourself. You are doing a brilliant job! And expressing is less efficient than baby feeding directly from boob so not always a good indicator of supply!

Xxx

I can’t tell you how nice it is to hear encouraging stories from other mums. I feel instantly better. I feel like my breasts are beginning to feel a little heavier so maybe my milk is coming through now.

She’s breastfeeding again now as we speak, I can see that she has full cheeks, her little ears are wiggling, she has a wide mouth when she latches and she doesn’t come off or get frustrated like she was on the first day. I’m just worried because the midwife today said she was very concerned about the fact that she could only hear swallows after loads of sucks, and that was the main reason she recommended the formula 🙁

I could have written this post three months ago! It's just practice and practice like any skill now it seems really easy but I nearly gave up so many times. The first few days post partum are so awful. It's like you've run a marathon to have the shit kicked of you and now you have to look after a baby! Madness!

Many of the midwives in the hospital I found really awful and unsupportive. Don't let them push you on to bottles, I agree with other posters, feed more frequently if you can, even if it's waking her up. I was told every two hours during the day. So much good luck to you! Please don't be hard on yourself you're doing an amazing thing

I used to work on a neonatal ward and can tell you this morning's midwife was spouting rubbish. Lots of women who successfully breastfeed cannot express much milk at all. She's having wet and dirty nappies so that must be coming from your milk, it absolutely can take up to five days for your milk to come in. Your baby is showing all the signs she is feeding well, she has wet and dirty nappies, she is settling after a feed. The weight gain will come.

Cross-post! I can never hear my boy swallowing but if you've wet nappies then it must be going in. It's very hard to get your head around I thought like you're doing sleight of hand! You don't see the milk go in but it feeds them!

There is the 3 day blues, lots of new mums feel very weepy on day 3 so that is normal and makes everything seem worse.

Did you have a c section? I understand that or a stressful birth can make milk slower to come in. Also fluids during labour can artificially inflate birth weight.

Lots of wet and dirty nappies sounds great!

Good info on Kellymom.com

kellymom.com/ages/newborn/newborn-concerns/c-section/
kellymom.com/hot-topics/newborn-nursing/

Also LLL - can get free phone support

www.laleche.org.uk

If I can be of any more help then please just ask xxx

Thank you all so so so so much.
I feel overwhelmed with emotion and I’m now crying happy tears at how kind and supportive you are all being. I wish I could have you all here with me helping me! Oh goodness nobody tells you about these things do they?

@PrincessPee that’s interesting that you dont weigh until day 5, I wonder why they did it today here. Can I ask, what do you think about the swallowing? It’s true that I think I can only hear swallowing after every 10-15 sucks so I know she is having to work hard - I just feel so guilty, I dont want her to have to work so hard for milk, and I desperately don’t want her to lose lots of weight because of my own selfish ‘need’ to breastfeed, to stop me feeling like such a massive failure.

Thank you again so much for your replies, this post was the best thing I could have done in the quiet hours of the night. Thank you thank you thank you ❤️

All the sucking will be bringing your milk in. It's not selfish need to bf, they should be able to check blood sugars if they are worried. You can kind of express into their mouth too, that is all dd got until about day 4, she was too sleepy to such but it was enough

Thank you all so much. Truly. I feel completely overwhelmed by your lovely lovely supportive replies. I’ve so needed to hear this kind of positivity. Thank you.

Yes I did have a c section. It was an emergency one, I failed to progress past 8cm. It helps to hear that that might be a reason why I’m a little slow with my milk. Thank you xx

Ah OP it’s hard but try to relax and feel the love hormones wrap round you and baby as you snuggle, that bonding will help your milk too, have a dreamy and peaceful night (between feeds)

It’s just variance in hospital policy -where I trained they weighed inpatient babies on day 3 - however we know that the majority of babies will lose weight to begin with and it takes a little while to establish feeding of any method so that is the justification for leaving it until day 5 - and for generally well babies this is ok.

Try and forget the ‘hearing the swallow’ if you can - it’s not something I’ve ever asked parents when discussing feeding.
Does she swallow more frequently at the beginning of the feed and then slow down to more sucks per swallow during the feed?
You’ve mentioned her little round cheeks during a feed so that’s also reassuring.

There’s nothing selfish about you - you are adjusting to a new life as a mum. Don’t feel pressured into anything - there is no shame in wanting to breast feed, just as there is no shame in using formula. And definitely no shame in having an assisted delivery - you didn’t fail. Your body grew and housed a new baby for 9 months - you just made it too comfy for her to want out .
And if you were my patient, I’d be making you a cuppa and pinching you some biscuits from the pantry.

You did better than I did at progressing - I never got beyond 2 cm after 30 hours of labour. Then had a c section like you. None of that means that you or I have "failed" our babies. We all do what needs to be done to get our babies born. Labouring and then having an EMCS is hard work, it's exhausting and it's a hard recovery. So make sure you get as much rest as you can. If you have a partner make sure they understand how important it is for you to rest.

I had a very tricky start to breastfeeding, for both my babies. It's not at all selfish to want to continue to breastfeed, and it sounds like you're getting there.

@PrincessPee Thank you so much for this, I am so grateful for your reply, that’s made me feel so reassured. I struggle to hear the swallows because if I’m not honest I’m not really sure what sound it is, but she’s more noisey and forceful (?) at the beginning of the feed and then it calms down a little.

Oh I wish I had you here, you sound so kind, like the midwife I had over the past couple of nights. It’s times like this when all you really need is just somebody around who who’s gentle and kind. Thank you again. Xx